Why does my computer scroll up and down randomly?

Maybe the computer mouse is dirty. You need to clean it from dust at the bottom.

Nope, it’s all clean and has a fresh battery.

Maybe the computer mouse pad? Try to discounnect the mouse completely and see if it still happening.

That would just be me, logging in remotely to mess with you.

Try a different mouse. If the problem goes away then despite the fact that you’ve cleaned your mouse and installed a new battery it’s your mouse.

It still happens if I used the touchpad on my computer. Usually it won’t happen but then the dang thing messes up randomly from time to time.

Autoscroll can do that. Personally, I never use Autoscroll for exactly that reason.

How can I disable autoscroll? Where do I look for the settings?

That depends on the application.
In Firefox, it’s in the Options under Advanced—> General

It’s Yes, haters start now IE.

I tried disableing smooth scrolling but that didn’t help, and there isn’t anything else. Maybe I scroll too fast?

1. Don’t use IE. Ever. Ok moving on.

Try updating or reinstalling your trackpad driver. Perhaps your scroll sensitivity is set really high?