Social Question

consuelo's avatar

Righful jealousy?

Asked by consuelo (117 points ) September 21st, 2010

My significant other and I went out for drinks to celebrate with some friends. A “friend” of mine was patting my S.O.‘s back a great deal. Then leaning on to shoulder. Rubbing back. Then a grab/rub of the thigh under the dinner table.

I got pretty upset but didn’t mention anything until after everyone had gone. My S.O. was very unhappy and thinks I’m overreacting. Am I?

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15 Answers

Frenchfry's avatar

No I would be perturbed.. What kind of friend would do that? That is not a friend. I would drop that friend like a hot potato.

faye's avatar

Excuse me, did you become a massage therapist? Speak up girl, bitch knew what she was doing.Or just- Please get your hands off my boyfriend, looks sleazy.

FireMadeFlesh's avatar

You’re not over reacting. No girl touches me like that except my girlfriend, and as a guy in a stable, long term relationship I would not be receptive to such advances. You need to tell him that he can either have a girlfriend, or flirt with every easy girl he wants – but not both.

Deja_vu's avatar

“Then a grab/rub of the thigh under the dinner table” What a bitch. You have every right to be upset. You were not overreacting at all.

poisonedantidote's avatar

patting the back, fine.
leaning on to shoulder, fine.
rubbing back, not really ok
grabbing or rubbing thigh under the dinner table, begging for an insta-beating.

Scooby's avatar

Yes!, she was bang out of order & so was he….. He may have been put on the spot but he at least should have handled this situation better.. For your sake! :-/ TCH!!

MacBean's avatar

I’m just about the least jealous person of all time in relationships, but a thigh-grab is NOT okay.

sandalman's avatar

I’m not you, and your description of what happened was very brief, so I frankly can’t answer your question. How much weight do you place on resolving this by confronting your “friend” about this, and how much weight do you place on your SO’s happiness about the whole thing? Whatever you do, try to find a nice middle ground, so that you get the best possible combination of both sides.

partyparty's avatar

Think you have every right to be jealous.
Both your ‘friend’ and your SO were out of order.
Your SO should have said something to her when this was happening, or even moved away from her.
And your ‘friend’ can’t possibly be a true friend. Ditch her as soon as possible.

Aster's avatar

My ex told me a gorgeous student of his did that to him at a party to which I was not invited. We divorced three years later. Three terrible years later, actually, full of this kind of crap.
That person you call a friend is not a friend at all, period.

Trillian's avatar

I’m sorry. I must have misunderstood what you wrote. You didn’t say that she grabbed/rubbed his thigh, and under the table? And that he didn’t have a problem with it and thinks that you are the one with issues?
Um, so you can expect him to allow himself to be fondled for the rest of your time together and you can just get in the back seat until whoever is done with him and you can have your sloppy seconds and be happy?
Out of curiosity, why would you even consider speaking to eithe of them, much less continuing in a “relationship” with this loser?
Ditch both of them. Life is too short.

Seaofclouds's avatar

I wouldn’t be okay with what you described or with my husband if he was okay with it. If some woman was doing that in front of me, I would have said something to her. If my husband was okay with someone rubbing on his thigh under the table (other than me), we would be having a serious talk about it. What she did was disrespectful to you and your relationship in my opinion and she wouldn’t be my friend anymore after that.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I’m with @MacBean – a thigh grab would bother me as well, if I were in a monogamous relationship.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Sounds like it’s high time the two of you discussed what “friends” means to each of you and how you draw your boundaries of acceptable behavior. Your partner may accept this from a platonic friend but not from an acquaintance or newer friend but you also need to know who these people are and what’s behind the friendship.

Anonymously's avatar

No way and reacted much better than I would have.

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