Social Question

Shippy's avatar

[NSFW] What kind of a person never, and I mean never gets jealous?

Asked by Shippy (9852 points ) September 1st, 2012

I have been jealous, when I was younger I was very jealous and yes insecure. I don’t get very jealous now, well only on occasion. But I am asking about a person who never, never gets jealous. For example a boy friend who likes people that flirt with you, or wouldn’t mind seeing you bonk that person? Is that person very “OK” with themselves? so much so that they have surpassed a bit of jealousy? What do they get out of seeing someone have sex with you? (Theoretically speaking).

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22 Answers

gailcalled's avatar

An older person like me? I feel very zen about those issues these days.

Keep_on_running's avatar

I wanna say Chuck Norris.

Coloma's avatar

Yeah, I concur with @gailcalled

I had my moments when I was younger, but these days, meh…I like my life just fine, with or without a relationship. I am confident in who I am and if someone wants to sample more flavors at this time of life, go for it, let me help you with your bib and I’ll even kick in a bottle of antacids if you get heartburn gobbling up all that hot and spicey. lol

zenvelo's avatar

Don’t confuse someone who is very comfortable with open relationships with someone into cuckolding. They are two very different scenarios.

Jealousy is closely related to possession, even if it is just emotional possession, and insecurity. But many people with a different view of sex don’t consider it a problem for their partner to find happiness through an alternative sexual expression. Those people consider it an expression of their love to support their partner’s search for sexual happiness. And they realize that their partner has a variety of tastes. They are secure in their happiness and in their relationship. It’s the same as when they have multiple partners at once, it’s a shared experience.

Cuckolds, who like seeing their partner have sex with another, are into a specific type of humiliation, and get off on it in their own way.

TheProfoundPorcupine's avatar

I think with the jealousy thing it is because they do feel secure in things and that there is a difference between love and just sex and know the side of the coin they fall on with the person.

With the part about seeing their partner with someone else I think it is probably because they just want their partner to be happy and they look at trying to make sure they are happy no matter what it is but where they can often see if their partner is happy with various things it is usually a bit harder when it comes to something such as sex hence the seeing them.

gailcalled's avatar

@Zenvelo: I thought that a cuckold was the man whose wife was unfaithful to him, aka the husband of an adulterer.

Are you thinking, perhaps, of a voyeur? That’s the guy who likes to watch.

Cruiser's avatar

I don’t. I appreciate what I have not what someone else has. And measure my security in my relationships by the fact she is here next to me and not some other man.

wundayatta's avatar

There are men with what are called “hotwives,” who like to see their wives cuckold them. They do it in a variety of ways—some of which involve risky sex and some not quite so risky sex. Then, after the wives have screwed the random stranger, the husband will go and have sex with her, including going down on her and tasting what is there.

It’s hard for me to write about because it just seems icky and disgusting, and the story I tell myself is that there is something psychologically problematic with these men having to do with a need for humiliation, as @zenvelo suggests. The story I tell myself is that they do not feel worthy of being exclusive with their woman. She is too beautiful for them to keep, so if they let her have her way with other men, they can keep her.

At the same time, it is a way of controlling her. Objectifying her. She has sex with who the husband tells her to have sex with. So even though he may not be worthy of her, he can still humiliate her by telling her to have sex with whoever he approves of, and then she does it, supposedly for him.

It is a way of playing games and of manipulating emotions and I hesitate to say it is unhealthy, because I don’t want to judge other people’s relationships and sexual experiences, but I do feel it is unhealthy. I do feel it objectifies the couple and makes them play out roles that aren’t what they really want to be.

I think that people seek out a lot of sex for a variety of reasons, but often it has to do with low self esteem. When you can attract many partners, then it can give you a sense of power. It can also give you a sense of being not very good, too. It can work in opposite ways, so it is hard to predict in advance whether it will be good or bad. But most people I know who have behaved in this way eventually get to a place where they decide they want more exclusive relationships, if not completely exclusive ones.

If you had a long distance partner, I could see them wanting you to have many “meaningless” sexual experiences because they can’t be with you. This way, you get sex, but there isn’t a risk of you leaving them, because it’s all about sex, whereas your relationship is one of the heart, pure and indeed, unsullied by sex.

The advent of real sex in a formerly long distance relationship might be very threatening to a person who had had such a relationship, since they might not feel like they would be adequate. They might prefer not to upset the apple cart and have the partner engage in sex with strangers or whatever, even though it would be possible for the two to be together physically.

Because a person acts like they aren’t jealous doesn’t necessarily mean they are not jealous. My inclination would be to believe they have a very tight lid on something. I would suspect they have esteem issues and that they don’t believe they deserve someone for themselves. They find themselves inadequate in some way. Or in many ways. So, to fight off their feelings on inadequacy, and their feeling that no one would be loyal to them anyway, they make a virtue of necessity. They order their partner to fuck others.

I have played with this idea in my head, especially when I was manic and depressed. I have never actually gone through with it, and I would never want to go through with it as long as I was healthy. But I can see myself seeing it differently if I was sick. I could get a charge out of ordering a woman to perform for me with other men. It would be a sick, hungry charge, but it would make life very exciting. There would be a lot of danger. It would risk everything in a relationship. It would be totally crazy, and that is what I would want.

I have a hard time imagining wanting this in a healthy way. But that’s just me.

nikipedia's avatar

My partner and I are not monogamous. I have a lot more problems with jealousy than he does. He feels genuinely happy and excited for me when I find someone else I’m interested in.

zenvelo's avatar

@gailcalled A voyeur is someone who likes watching people have sex, not specific to a relationship, and often watches in secret (like a peeping tom.)

A cuckold is a man whose wife is having sex with another man. Some men have a fetish for being cuckolded. Some men like it to the point they like to watch. It fits into their whole humiliation and control, as @wundayatta has described.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Me. I’ve never been jealous. Very angry, yes, but not jealous. Jealousy is a waste of time.

Pazza's avatar

I’m pretty sure blind deaf’s never get jealous….....
Pretty sure?........
And mute’s?..... well, at least I’ve never heard a mute complaining about there spouse flirting?

rojo's avatar

A dead one.

Pazza's avatar

@rojo – indeed. And if my wife ever cheats on me, that’s what she’ll be!
But I’m not the jealous type honest!....
(man if my wife ever goes missing now I’m F#*KED!)

Bellatrix's avatar

Firstly, I think anyone can feel jealous at some point in their life or in the life of a relationship, the question is what level of jealousy and how often they feel it.

Jealousy is strongly connected to self-esteem. If a person feels very secure and confident about their own worth, they are less likely to feel insecure and so jealous of their partner’s interactions with other people.

I think being okay with your partner having sex with another person falls into another realm. Unless they are alright with the idea of an open relationship, even the most secure person is very likely to feel jealous about their partner sleeping with other people. Unless they have an open relationship agreement, being okay with that level of extra relationship contact would suggest they don’t care about their partner or they are a cuckold.

Pandora's avatar

I’ve been jealous but not from the sexual aspect. It isn’t always about possession but in my case more about being valued. I still get jealous if I find my husband tends to value someones opinion over mine or helps other women mow their lawn because he thinks they need the help but I’m fully capable so I didn’t get the help when I would feel I needed it. But I can surely say that I would not feel like my husband loved me if he wanted someone else to have sex with me and watch. He would definitely know that it is something that I would not appreciate and it would cross the line. That would tell me that he lost sight of who I was, so how could he possibly love me, much less be jealous.
Now, I have known one person who did offer such a thing to their guy and sometimes it has more to do with self esteem issues and being afraid of losing the other person, especially if they feel the other person has already lost interest in their relationship.
At best such a person is just really open minded sexually and wants you to explore your sexuality.
At worst they either don’t care how you feel, or thinks you are too uptight, or is insecure and fears you are on the way out, or is maybe into guys or bi and wants a reason to join.
I would wonder what he’s trying to say?

gailcalled's avatar

For the ironic way the French look at it, listen to the marvelous folk singer Georges Brassens sing Le Cocu (The Cuckold).

dumitus's avatar

I’ve never felt jealous in my life, because I’m always happy with myself.
Not that I’m an excellent person, but I’m a person with low expectations about myself.

ucme's avatar

Someone who isn’t distracted by meaningless drivel.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I’ve never met a person like that. What I have met though are plenty of people who cover up insecurity with false bravado or engaging in activities where they try to control their relationships so they will never have to chance being let down.

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