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poofandmook's avatar

(NSFW) How would I crochet at least a semi-realistic set of testicles?

Asked by poofandmook (17320points) November 10th, 2010

Yes, I am well aware of how absolutely insane that sounds.

However, one of my best friends is certifiably insane, and jokingly asked me if I could crochet a penis. I thought it would be hysterical to actually do it and give it to him for Christmas, since he probably thinks there’s no way in hell I could or would. So last night, I did it. I’m pretty darn proud of the thing, to be honest. But what’s a penis without a sack? I wanted to put something in there to make it feel more accurate, but I need ideas. It’ll be surrounded in polyfil and crocheted around.

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28 Answers

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Why not just use a set of big blue Christmas bulbs? It’s festive! XD

poofandmook's avatar

@ChazMaz: Too bad there’s not a pattern that goes with it… lol.. but I could probably figure something out. I wanted to put something inside of it though, to make it feel like testicles.

Also, mine is erect, comically large, and will include veins.

Cruiser's avatar

You could order up some Neuticles

CMaz's avatar

@Cruiser – What a great Christmas gift idea.

Cruiser's avatar

@ChazMaz Would make for a great set of Worry Beads! XD

gailcalled's avatar

Here are instructions for a tiny drawstring bag.

http://www.learn-how-to-crochet.com/handbag-purse.html

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

A pair of tennis balls or ping pong balls might be a place to start. How many of you thought you’d see crochet and testicles in the same sentence today?

gailcalled's avatar

Google “pattern for crocheted penis warmer.”

And here’s an example on YouTube.

http://www.wonderhowto.com/how-to-crochet-penis-woolen-willy-warmer-aka-peter-heater-271959/

poofandmook's avatar

@gailcalled: Holy moly… I thought you were kidding. LOL

CMaz's avatar

@gailcalled – Good find.

Funny, said it would be a good “GAG” gift. lol

gailcalled's avatar

My initials are GAC. When LLBean monogrammed a piece of luggage for me, it arrived saying, “GAG.” Bean said that they would redo it, but since I was amused, I kept the bag as is.

CyanoticWasp's avatar

@gailcalled well of course you should keep it. After all, it was a “gag” gift.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

Will you be posting pics? I want one. A crocheted package, I mean.

poofandmook's avatar

@TheOnlyNeffie: I’m not sure if I can post a link to the pic here. And, I’m not sure I could get the head the same way again. I fought with it quite some time to get it just right lol

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean for that to sound like I was asking you to double your work load. You don’t have to make me a penis, I just meant that it is something that I would like to have, in general. :)

poofandmook's avatar

@TheOnlyNeffie: Oh, you didn’t. Believe me… I’m so proud of it that if I could remember how I did it, I would be cranking them out left and right (hehehehehe)

Here it is… NSFW!

janbb's avatar

@poofandmook I think you could be on your way to your first million if you go live with this.

poofandmook's avatar

@janbb: LOL thanks :)

JilltheTooth's avatar

The list in the pic would suggest you’re crocheting an entire man, body part by body part. If I gave you some wool would you make me one, too? ;-)

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

I’d like to upgrade my order as per @JilltheTooth‘s idea.

poofandmook's avatar

@JilltheTooth: LOL I took the picture over another checklist for the Super Mario Brothers plushies I’m making. They are smaller than the dong when assembled. LOL

faye's avatar

@poofandmook very nicely done!

chyna's avatar

@poofandmook Great job. But I am a bit concerned about the list of body parts that is in that picture.

poofandmook's avatar

@chyna: The pattern for those body parts is here lol :)

Wait til I post the finished product… I added veins this afternoon.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I don’t know about the other males on here but I cringe each time I see this question under questions I’m following. :)

chyna's avatar

@poofandmook Can’t wait to see, please share when you are done.

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