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ucme's avatar

What would be a story you can recall from the Bible?

Asked by ucme (50037points) November 22nd, 2010

Now before grandma chokes on her dentures, i’m not in the slightest bit religious. I do however remember owning a children’s edition of the Bible when I was…..well, a kid naturally. Big imposing thing complete with glossy illustrations. For the life of me I can’t recall who bought it for me, or indeed why they did. However, I did read it from time to time & you know what? Some of it interested me, mostly the violent stuff mind. I remember loving the story of Samson & Delilah. Especially when he brought down the temple on their sorry heads. What is something from this book that you, whether you’re religious or not, remember?

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28 Answers

snowberry's avatar

I have lots of them. Which one shall I say? How about the Crucifixion?

Trillian's avatar

Daniel in the lion’s den. Esther. The woman at the well. The wedding. Lazarus.

cazzie's avatar

I only remember bits. Lot’s wife turning into a pillar of salt, Noah’s Ark story, David and Goliath, but I can’t remember why they were fighting really. It really gets mixed up with my Greek Mythology stories.

The New Testament stuff is memorable for a different reason. My mom was a fan of JC and the VM so she told the story about the first miracle, that JC did it because his mom asked him to. She thought he must have been such a good boy to listen to his mother like that. giggle

Now, the education system here is terrifying my little boy with stories of the crucifixion and giving him nightmares about Cain and Able.

mammal's avatar

Samson is good, David and Goliath is a personal favourite, Solomon, Genesis and Revelations, Moses and Ramesses, Abraham and Issac is interesting morally, particularly Kierkegaard’s take on the philosophical significance of the story.

i wish there was more humour in the Bible though.

crisw's avatar

Noah and the ark.

MacBean's avatar

I was always fond of Daniel in the lion’s den. Because there were always pictures, and I like lions… I also liked the story of Zacchaeus because his name is fun to say. When it came to the actual stories, I liked the stuff where God was a douche, like when He told Abraham to sacrifice Isaac. I liked Cain an Abel, too. And once I was made to attend Sunday school, I enjoyed telling my teachers that Ezekiel’s wheel was a UFO.

Summum's avatar

The widows mite and the parable of the wedding.

absalom's avatar

Abraham and Isaac is the only one I’ve ever really been interested in.

chyna's avatar

Jonah and the whale.

ucme's avatar

@mammal Yeah, way too much angst. Although to be fair, Jesus wasn’t exactly the life & soul….or was he?

mammal's avatar

@ucme i suspect he was, at the wedding of Cana. Actually i was at a wedding once and opened a bible at randon to read the following passage:

Ezekiel 23:20 (New International Version) NIV
“There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.”

That was pretty funny, in fact it was pretty trippy. i didn’t realise God suffered from Penis envy.

wundayatta's avatar

Creation myth. But I don’t remember it from the Bible. Just from the culture.

Coloma's avatar

Noah and the ark, loaves & fishes, the parting of the red sea and the burning bush.
Some very clever tales, and, I love parables.
I am one that learns best by analogy and metaphor. ;-)

ratboy's avatar

I liked the pop-up illustrations in my children’s Bible. My favorites depicted Lot’s daughters getting him drunk and boinking him.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

The story of Lazarus, it’s my favorite one.

Winters's avatar

My personal favorite is Saul’s damnation, the first time I began to seriously question my faith in Christianity, God, Jesus, and the like and began my descent/enlightenment towards being something that’s stuck somewhere between being an Agnostic and a Nihilistic Atheist.

YARNLADY's avatar

Moses parting the red sea and getting the ten commandments from a burning bush while wandering around for 40 years.

Berserker's avatar

I remember some dude gettin eaten by a whale. That was awesome.

fundevogel's avatar

I like the story of Tamar. God kills her husband for reasons unknown so she is married to his brother Onan so that they can sire a child as the dead husband’s. But Onan’s not into that so he pulls out early, and God kills him for it. At this point Tamar’s father-in-law promises that when his last son is old enough she will be his wife.

Some time passes and the promise goes unfulfilled as the younger son marries someone else. Though he could still marry Tamar none of her in-laws seem interested in keeping their promise. So Tamar, after years of waiting to get pregnant, dresses up as a temple prostitute and waits by the road. Eventually her father-in-law comes along and not recognizing her he propositions her. They negotiate the price (in sheep I believe) but the father-in-law doesn’t have anything on him so he gives Tamar his staff and his necklace as collateral. They get freaky, but when the father-in-law sends a servant to pay her and retrieve his stuff she is no where to be found.

By and by the father-in-law hears that Tamar has being playing the whore and is pregnant. Outraged he contacts her. She is to be burned to death but Tamar, wily thing that she is, knows that her father-in-law couldn’t resist having another to throw on the fire. So she offers proof of the identity of her sexual partner. He accepts it readily only to be confronted with his own staff and necklace implicating him. Now firmly on Tamar’s hook the father-in-law decides to drop the all the fuss about whoredoms and decides he doesn’t need to burn her to death after all. And Tamar lives on and has her baby.

Tamar kicks ass.

Berserker's avatar

@YARNLADY Running around the desert like an ass for years just to have some bush tell you that you’re not allowed to do anything cool, ain’t that a bitch lol. XD

Judi's avatar

I like the story of the sheep and the Goats in Matthew 25. I wish my fundamentalist friends would study it more.

31 “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. 32 All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.
34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’

44 “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’

45 “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’

46 “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”

KatawaGrey's avatar

I’m not Christian either nor was I raised Christian but the story that comes to mind immediately when I read this question is the story of Job. In this story, God punishes Job in order to prove to Satan that God’s followers will do anything for him. Mostly, this story sticks out to me because it paints God in a petty light. “Yeah, well, look what happens when I mess with this guy. He still likes me better than you!”

@Symbeline: That’s not the bible, silly! That’s Pinnochio! ~

Berserker's avatar

@KatawaGrey Speaking of which…seems funny to me when you consider how much biblical stories may, or may not, have influenced other tales and stories…Pinocchio, as you say, and Moby Dick. But at this point I’m just making dumbass double entendre relations to slang words for penis and growing noses. XD Man The Bible is somethin alright. XD I wonder what funky Greek shit it took it from to begin with.

fundevogel's avatar

@Symbeline And then you start to notice all the stuff the Greeks stole from the Babylonians who stole it from the Sumerians. Religion and literature are pretty derivative businesses.

Berserker's avatar

@fundevogel Yeah, that’s kind of what I was getting at. It seems like a great big cycle, basically. I left off with the Greeks because my knowledge of history is pretty shitty, but I’m pretty sure the pattern is ancient.

fundevogel's avatar

@Symbeline Agreed. I’m certain the trend goes back further than the Sumerians but that’s where we run out of written record.

mattbrowne's avatar

The parable of the Good Samaritan.

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