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john65pennington's avatar

Why can't a loser ever win?

Asked by john65pennington (29182points) December 7th, 2010

Some people are born winners and some are born losers. What makes a person a winner? Is it the month and time they were born or are some people just blessed more than others? I love my daughter. She has just divorced her 5th husband. Her mother and I have been married 45 years. What has made the difference in these two situations? Does a generation gap have anything to do with it or do people just give up too easily in their marriages? Question: What makes one person luckier or blessed more than another person?

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10 Answers

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

I don’t really believe people are winners and losers. Bad things and good things happen all people. Some handle it better than others. Once you stop concentrating on how you’re a loser and you need to be a winner and just try to live, things get a lot easier.

BoBo1946's avatar

John, it depends on our definition of a loser! For example, a person can be broke monetarily and be rich in happiness. But, having said that, I can see why you asked that question because of your occupation. I’m sure you run into some real “dozers!”

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

Some people give up on marriages easily. Others marry too soon and it takes them awhile to find the right person, but that doesn’t mean they should stay married to a person who isn’t for them. And others got married during a time when divorce wasn’t acceptable, but that doesn’t mean it’s a healthy relationship – I know if my grandparents got married today, they’d get divorced. And still others simply define marriage differently than you do and are looking for different things in it, so it isn’t reasonable to expect it to be like yours.

marinelife's avatar

I don’t have any wisdom to impart, but the wording of your question made me think of a lyric from this song.

Seriously, it is very hard looking from the outside in to see what the issue with your daughter is. She could benefit from therapy, because five failed marriages definitely indicates a problem. At the lease, why is she serially marrying and divorcing men?

But losers can win. They just have to want to change.

john65pennington's avatar

Papayally, i see your point. maybe our marriage was just a true blessing and meant to be. my dauther is still looking and we still support her all the way.

Cruiser's avatar

I think it is all a matter of perspective. I know of many people measured against the backdrop of successful executive go getters would consider themselves “losers” but this same person put within a group of well meaning hard working people just getting by would have high status amongst those peers. Hell some of the biggest idiot losers I know have more money than they know what to do with I wouldn’t associate with them if you paid me! Some of the kindest, gentlest and most generous people I know have to accept handouts at the local church! It’s all in how you play the game @john65pennington.

snowberry's avatar

Part of the answer has to do with your definition of love. I knew going in that I would not always be “in love” with my husband to be. I knew what for better or for worse meant (watching my parents deal with my mother’s terminal disease for decades). To me love is far more than a feeling. It’s a commitment. That, and my relationship with Jesus has kept me going when it hardly seemed worth it. At this point we’ve been married for 33 years, and we intend to stay together “until death do us part”.

Coloma's avatar

I agree with @Cruiser

And, besides, perhaps the very definition of ‘loser’ needs to be revised along with the definition of ‘success.’

My ex husband is very ‘successful’ in his career but is the weakest and most character flawed individual I know.

Monetary or career or marital ‘success’ are only a few examples of what our culture deems ‘successful.’

The only ‘success’ that really matters is in how intact ones integrity is.

It is also important to remember that your ideas of ‘success’ are your own and those of your programming.

I am happily single and do not view being in a relationship as something ‘successful.’

I have consciously CHOSEN to not be in a relationship the last few years, it is just not that important to me anymore. lol

I am already ‘successful’ in my being, successful in my integrity, successful in my inner peace, successful in creating a customized lifestyle that works for me, successful as a parent, successful as a friend, a worker, a pet owner, the list goes on.

We need to be careful about using our own measuring sticks on others. ;-)

jca's avatar

@marinelife : I was thinking of same song but the one i knew of was the Bee Gees’ version.

Paradox's avatar

I don’t believe in labeling people with titles such as winners/losers. Some people do have the odds stacked against them while others seem to get by very easily. Some people choose to feel sorry for themselves and give little effort. Some people are stupid but yet get the better jobs over you. I don’t know because situations are so varied for each person. Karma from a past life? Just kidding.

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