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Jude's avatar

How important is intimacy (to you) in a relationship?

Asked by Jude (32098points) December 7th, 2010

I find, for me, that I can be with my S/O, hanging out (at home), or being out and about with friends/family, and I miss her. She feels the same way. I know that it seems odd. I need that physical and emotional intimacy with her. Our connection is so unbelievably strong (and the sex is wonderful) when we’re able to be close.

Do you find that you need that, as well? That you can miss the person, even if they’re physically near, if you aren’t able to be close (emotionally and physically speaking)?

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28 Answers

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

Yes. I can be very needy in that way. Perhaps it is because I am so particular about who I allow to touch me I find that I crave a lot of closeness, a lot of touching, from those that I do.

Scooby's avatar

Intimacy is very important to me, relationship!! Well, I wouldn’t go that far :-/

jca's avatar

intimacy is important to me and if i like someone, i want to be with them, touch them, kiss them, smell them and have sexual activity with them as often as possible.

Jude's avatar

Scooby, huh?

wundayatta's avatar

If there weren’t enough intimacy, I would start to get hollow inside, and that hollow would grow slowly bigger as if a woodcarver had my stomach on a lathe. I’ve been through that. It’s almost as painful as if my stomach really was on a lathe.

Intimacy is essential to life, and people spend a lot of time trying to find it. Many folks don’t even know what it is, and do all kinds of other things to try to get it. We all, I believe, really want to be known. For many of us, that’s a difficult task to accomplish. Too difficult.

Scooby's avatar


I like being intimate, it’s a very important part of my life, but I’m not the relationship type.

jessifer1212's avatar

I find intimacy extremely important, especially sexual intimacy. I don’t see the point in dating somebody if you aren’t sexually compatible, because for me relationships are just testing the waters to see what kind of person you want to spend the rest of your life with. And to know that person, I feel as though it’s extremely important to know if you’re sexually compatible.

janedelila's avatar

Been there, broke up with that. If you are so comfortable, lazy, bored, whatever, that you don’t feel the need to touch me, then see ya.

Ponderer983's avatar

Yes, it is important. And for those that think it dies after a certain amount of time and that’s OK is wrong. I like being on the couch close with my SO while watching TV, or holding hands, etc. That’s why it is a relationship and not a friendship.

mrlaconic's avatar

As a Scorpio I am very guarded person who doesn’t tell my secrets to many. I need emotional closeness more then intimacy.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

That’s a very nice connection you two have, mama cakes. I’m similar, if I’m going to let someone in, I want them all the way in, if that makes sense.

bob_'s avatar

@janedelila You would so not have that problem with me. Just sayin’.

flutherother's avatar

Your interesting question brought this poem to my mind

Far and Near

you look at me one moment.
and at clouds the next.

I feel
when you’re looking at me, you’re far away,
but when you’re looking at the clouds, how could we be nearer!

By Gu Cheng

Evelyn_475's avatar

Oh I have been there as well and I kicked that to the curb. Sexual/emotional compatibility is honestly one of the top things that I need in a relationship. Obviously it is not the only thing that I need but if its not going well in that department I say goodbye. I also need the excitement to be “refreshed” every now and again or else I get bored. I too notice that it is different around others, but I believe it is normal. The couple needs that alone time to bond on a level that most can’t see. That’s one of those special aspects of the romantic relationship.

MissAnthrope's avatar

Very and I know exactly the feeling you describe. It’s like a longing for that person, which is kind of strange because they’re there, but it’s like you want to be alone and connecting rather than distracted by other people or things.

The problem is that my idea of intimacy doesn’t always match up to other people’s. Like, for most girls, “intimacy” is talking about your feelings. I have a really hard time with that. I have to show my feelings in other ways, like by being thoughtful, or taking care of the person, through being physically affectionate/intimate, etc., but it seems that many girls don’t find that satisfactory.

Oddly, I couldn’t have a relationship with someone like me or with someone to whom intimacy isn’t important. I actually really crave intimacy and close connections with people, I just am not very good at it.

janedelila's avatar

@bob_ Good to know….how long til you get here? it’s freezing, need some touching

Seaofclouds's avatar

Intimacy is very important to me as well. All intimacy, not just sexual intimacy. I am very lucky to have that and still feel the intimacy in our relationship, even when we are apart for extended periods of time.

bob_'s avatar

@janedelila I think my gf would have a problem with that XD

janedelila's avatar

@bob_ Oh just bring her, it’s that cold here! heh heh heh

pearls's avatar

Intimacy is important to me, but not just the sexual part. Just touching each other, such as holding hands, cuddling on the sofa watching a good movie, a hug or just a peck on the cheek. I am really a touchy feely type of person, but like it said, it doesn’t always have to be sexual.

YARNLADY's avatar

Neither my husband nor I are exactly the touchy-feely type, but our intimacy is in our shared feelings about each other.

josie's avatar

Very important.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Most definitely I need that! My bf and I tell each other “I miss you” when we feel we haven’t been connected intimately. It’s more than just the sex act for us, there’s a being in the moment and being able to kind of savor each other that’s important too but not always in the mix.

OpryLeigh's avatar

I know exactly what you mean. I hate not being able to touch my SO and I know how easy it is to miss someone even when they are right there with you. As much as I enjoy being out and about with him, I always look forward to going home where it will be just me and him.

Earthgirl's avatar

flutherother That is a beautiful thought….a perfect example of wordless intimacy

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