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Jude's avatar

For those of you who are dreading the holidays, how are you coping?

Asked by Jude (32098points) December 19th, 2010

Emotionally, I have been flat, and getting amorous right now doesn’t really interest me. I am doing my best to put on a happy face, yet, deep down inside I am about as empty as they come.


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27 Answers


To me, Christmas is like any other day that just comes and goes. I just prefer to have a bit of quiet contemplation and solitude over the holidays. All the hoopla and high expectations are just human fabrication, and I try not to let if affect me.

MissA's avatar

This year, it’s a breather.

Blueroses's avatar

@Jude I completely empathize. You could be describing my feelings about the holiday. I have no religious connection, the consumerism makes me ill (and I have so little money this year). I’d just as soon hibernate until Jan. 2.

But then, today… I went to the very crowded market and the young woman 2 ahead of me in line realized she didn’t have enough money on her food stamps card for her order. She was putting back items—one yogurt, diapers, milk etc. when the woman between us told the cashier to ring up the entire order with her own. A random stranger spontaneously giving a gift. There wasn’t a dry eye in that line, I tell you.

It’s being reminded that generous spirits still exist in the world. That’s what pulls me through.

rangerr's avatar

Christmas hasn’t been the same for me since my Great-Grandmother died a few years back, so I’ve been pretty apathetic about this time of year.

This year, the only think keeping me from just hibernating is knowing that I’m headed to Canada as soon as our Christmas events are over.

Mikewlf337's avatar

This year Christmas is even more depressing. I feel extremely sad right now and through this month. I won’t be getting or giving anything this year. Gifts are not important to me. What I want no person can give me. It doesn’t cost money and most people take it for granted. I feel that nobody wants me in their lives anymore and that is something that hurts worst than anything else in the world.

Brian1946's avatar


I’ve been there and I can still remember how that feels.
I know the “holidays” can be depressing but please hang in there.
I wish you my best in finding the love that you deserve.

Your post will help me to appreciate the love that I have now, that was missing years ago.

OpryLeigh's avatar

I’m taking each day as it comes and praying that the festive season is over quickly and is pain-free. Everytime I remember what time of year it is a get that anxious feeling in my stomach.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Hang in there kiddo. For this year, just take it day by day and know we’re pulling for you. If you need to talk pm me.

chyna's avatar

I’ve been hibernating since the first of December. I can not wait for the holiday’s to be over. I barely answer the phone, and I have not been out shopping because I’m not buying anyone gifts as I’m still unemployed. I keep telling myself I’ll feel better once the holidays are over.

TrkReznor's avatar

This will be the first Christmas without my mentor and hero, my grandfather, I find that listening to heavy metal and punk music helps me cope. Music always centers me.

tedd's avatar

Got dumped at the end of October by a 2 year g/f, don’t really have tons of money, going through some issues overall.. yada yada…. Anyways I’m really not looking forward to Christmas at all. Almost thankfully I only have like one vacation day left (just recovered from an awful case of the flu), so I’m basically taking a long weekend back home for the holiday. So I won’t have to sit in my little brothers room (which is mine when I go home) and wonder about the X or be driven insane by the antics of my family.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I’m doing fine, for once. I don’t like all the rush rush and chop chop but I’ll get through it. I also have two freaking weeks off, which I really don’t want, if you can believe that! Since I’m not salaried I had to use up most of my sick leave so I’ll still have some sort of check, but at least they LET us use sick leave.

@Mikewlf337 I’m sorry man….‘this too shall pass.’

Sisyphus's avatar

I am lucky that my holidays aren’t stressful (especially when compared to my exams BLARG) and what gets me through them is the promise of boredom, and a stack of good books and good friends!

JLeslie's avatar

Christmas for me comes and goes. I don’t have some sort of huge emotional attachment to the December holidays. Halloween, thanksgiving, chanukah, christmas, july 4, all days in the year where we take a moment to think about the meaning, some nice traditions, but I see many people have huge expectations and dissappointment on Christmas. I do love the xmas music, and the nutcracker, and the cookies, and many of the traditions. But, again, if it is just my husband and I home for the holiday, I am not traumatized that I am not with more family.

I love @Blueroses story. I have paid for an item when someone did not have the money and was about to put someting back, but never for someones whole purchase, very nice generous. Last week I was waiting my turn at the jewelry counter at Macy’s and the guy in front of me did not have any coupons with him, so I spoke up and offered him one of mine, saved him $40, didn’t cost me a thing, but I could have just mined my own business I guess, and let him pay the higher price. But, I would do that any day, not just during Christmas.

Still, helping others, paying it forward, smiling at others, a friendly hello, can help you feel better. A good mood is contagious, and if you put yourself out there, others will respond in kind and I think you will feel better.

janedelila's avatar

Yuck this holiday. I’m back to wearing black only, holing up at home alone, and drinking too much. I just don’t care. I am being forced into the fray slightly by the fact that my daughters keep adding to the grandchild pile. I’m up to ten now, so I did have to shop some. Bah.

JLeslie's avatar

@janedelila Just do what us Jews do and send the kinder money/checks.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@JLeslie :) But I can’t pay forward….I’m super careful about the cost of what I order, and most people aren’t. I’d go broke!
One of my adult (40 + years old) students, who just started with us, came in one day, worked for about 3 minutes (they have the option of working from home or in our lab) then came to me with a story about how he lives with his mom and had been able to get a turkey, but didn’t have enough to get some pies so his Mom could have a good Thanksgiving. I gave him $20. Not three days later, he comes in again, works for about 2 minutes, then hits me up for money, this time for cigarettes. I said “No,” that time. I never see him online working from home. The only time he comes in to the lab is to do a token couple minutes worth of work, then hit me up for money. I said “No,” three times in a row before he finally quit asking. And quit working on his assignments.
I’m all for helping. I’m not all for mooching!

JLeslie's avatar

@Dutchess_III You do realize pay it forward is not about money, it is about helping others. It also is not about asking for help, like your mooch coworker. Seeing where we can do something for someone else, with little inconvenience to ourselves, and hoping they will see the grace in it, and help someone else when they witness a similar opportunity.

janedelila's avatar

@JLeslie I’d like that very much, but they range from 8 months to 9 years and they love the unwrapping part. Plus I got me a son in law that likes to “borrow” it. Bah.

JLeslie's avatar

@janedelila Oh, that young the gift thing is so much fun for them. I agree. So cute. Don’t be so negative!! Lol.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@JLeslie If I see a need, and I can help, I’ll help. But I can’t afford to be hit with a surprise $15.00 pay-forward bill, when I’ve only budgeted $2.00 for my own. That’s…all there is to it. It’s a nice idea. I grant you that, even though I wouldn’t consider fast food to be a “need.” Now, if I was in the store and someone was a buck short I’d help, but I know what I’m getting into then.

JLeslie's avatar

@Dutchess_III I think you are missing the point. I don’t expect you to give anyone any money. It is fine with me if you never give a cent to charity, especially if you need it for yourself, and your family.

Dutchess_III's avatar

To be sure we’re on the same page, we are talking specifically about “paying forward” which is done in the drive through at a fast food joint, not to be confused with people who need help with their utility bills or rent or having some sort of Christmas for their kids. I don’t consider “paying forward” to be charity. I’m not sure what it is. I only know that people who really need charity aren’t going to fast food restaurants.

JLeslie's avatar

@Dutchess_III Are we talking about the same thing? I feel we aren’t. Pay it forward is a concept. For instance, one day after a doctors appointment, I was very upset, I got into my car and it would not start. I was over an hour from home, and in a part of Miami I was unfamilar with. A guy in a beaten up old van helped me take the battery out of my car (he had a lot of tools in his van, kind of a handyman) drove me to the Sears 9 blocks away. He waited while they checked the battery, which had no charge. I bought a new one, he drove me back to my car and put it in for me. The car started. He would not take money from me. The next time I could help someone I did. Remembering what that guy had done for me. Hopefully, the person I helped will “pay” my generousity forward to someone he encounters who can use his help.

If you have never seen the movie Pay it Forward, I recommend it.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@JLeslie Exactly. We aren’t talking about the same thing. To my understanding “Pay It Forward” is paying the guy in the fast food line behind you—paying for their order. The way I figure it, I have three bucks for my order, and if I ‘Pay it forward’ for the guy in front or behind me, I might have to come up with fifteen….and what if I don’t have it? Talk about embarrassed.

Helping a person in need is not the same thing as “Paying It Forward” as I understand it, regarding a fast-food-line. This is the first I’ve heard about a movie. I’ve had people say “How can I pay you back?” and I said, “Do what you can for the next person.” Don’t know about the movie.

BTW…that was my husband and me who helped you out with your battery! Yeah! It’s nothing special…it’s what he or I do when we see someone who needs real help…I have stories of “help” to tell. Has nothing to do with Fast Food Joints, tho.

JLeslie's avatar

@Dutchess_III I don’t understand why you are talking about a fast food joint?

See the movie, not only because of this conversatiin, but because I think you will enjoy it. It is probably 10 years old now.

And, Pay it forward is basically just helping people, and not expecting anything in return directly from that person. It’s a Mitzvah basically.

janbb's avatar

Running away from home is working out great this year.

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