Social Question

leftt's avatar

I'm crushing on my friends older brother, what do I do?

Asked by leftt (92points) January 17th, 2011

mmkay, this is pretty hard and complicated right here, so if you’re willing to read the entire thing, I love you :) <3

(I’m a 14 yr old girl :D)
I’m crushing on my really good friend’s (guy) older brother. Um, all in all, I’d say that if I really decided to date him, it’d be awfully weird for my friend, hahaha…
I’d never met his brother until a bit ago, because I went over to their house to play some video games, but we’d always made fun of his brother prior (calling a him a raper, stalker, creeper, etc ((but not literally! Just joking type of things, like in texts)). I’d heard much about his brother too—He plays REALLY good piano, plays and likes all the same games I do, has a lot in common with me in general (he’s 15 by the way). My friend really doesn’t like his brother all too much, you know, typical siblings. And, uh, I don’t know, they’re kinda the same in both looks and mannerisms.
Truth be told, I had a big crush on my friend, because I thought he was really cute. I got over it, since he was too good a friend though.
And then, his brother… oh. my. god. As soon as I got to their house, I made him play piano for me, and I think I fell in love (not seriously, figure of speech haha). And he’s really cute, too!
* frustrated noise *
My list of things I look for in guys are all checked off with him :(
Cute, smart, nice, plays piano really well, not incredibly shy, and likes to talk to me.

And here, I am confiding in you, residents of fluther, because I can’t tell ANY of my friends about this, or my friend who’s older brother I’m crushing on will hear, and he’ll think I’m a complete psycho for it.
Please, spare me any advice you have or any questions for further details, because I am TRULY at a… moment of dire confusion and I cannot get the image of him playing the piano for me out of my head.

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13 Answers

Paradox1's avatar

Just wanted to pipe in here and say Hello – I’m a /\/3Wb1e – and that this site is @$!#ing awesome. This is my first answer to a question other than my own, here goes:

You are young and times in your life are changing very fast. I say GO FOR IT. What do you really have to lose? High school seemed miserable at the time, but looking back it was quite enjoyable for me, and I went to a single-sex school. I would suggest you at least talk a little more to him because you may forever regret blowing your opportunity with him. There is a window of opportunity for anything in life but you have to realize time always causes it to be perpetually closing. He may get a girlfriend (I mean other than you), and how would that make you feel? At least talk to him; you may end up finding out the puppy love is over, and you two are really not meant for each other after all. Wouldn’t you feel silly then knowing how worried you are now?

You can hint that you want to talk to him, and be flirty, if you might not normally be in a situation to talk with him. Or you could give him your number – there is no harm in that.

Response moderated (Writing Standards)
Arbornaut's avatar

Hi There!! just wanted to say Hi there!!, and that you need to keep your spelling and all that shit proper queens english, don’t go upsetting grumpfish now:)

Paradox1's avatar

Hey leftt,
If that is the case, I would suggest you ask your friend that you would potentially be interested in dating his brother, and how would that make him feel? Tell him your friendship means more to you him than his brother and that’s why you wanted to ask his opinion and maybe even advice before you did anything. Do you think he is the type of person to get upset and jealous? Or might he encourage you? A lot of people want their friends to be happy, you know!

Response moderated (Personal Attack)
leftt's avatar

@Paradox1 Oh dear and holy—NO WAY IN HE!L I CAN TELL HIM. He’d be so grossed out by it. I know they say that true friends would still be friends no matter what (if his brother and me did start dating, he’d be okay with it after a while…).
But oh dear, if I do tell him I’m crushing on his brother…. :( That’s just the thing I’d want to never happen.

sliceswiththings's avatar

Either take action or don’t. If you take action either you’ll get him, or you’ll be rejected, which sucks, but you’ll get over it before too long. If you don’t take action you won’t get the guy, and you’ll always wonder if you would have.

I know it sounds like the scariest thing ever now, but I promise as you get older it gets easier. Telling your friend isn’t a bad idea, maybe the brothers will discuss it. Just nonchalantly say, “I totally want your brother. Think I have a chance?” Have another subject ready just in case.

—I didn’t have a boyfriend until I was much older because I was too scared to ask guys out or tell them I liked them. The truth is that they’re scared too. If you’re waiting for them, you’ll wait a long time. Just be brave. Being forward shows you’re confident, and confidence is sexy.—

sliceswiththings's avatar

And I totally hear ya on not getting the image of him playing piano for you out of your head. I have the same image now of this guy I’m crushing on (and forwardly pursuing!) playing guitar shirtless with the christmas lights on….sigh…

incendiary_dan's avatar

I always think that “crushing on” someone sounds dreadfully painful.

marinelife's avatar

You asked what you should do and @Paradox1 gave you an answer—and you rejected it.

There are a limited number of things you can do:

1. Go on suffering in silence until one day you’re at your friend’s house and his brother starts talking about his new girlfriend. (Then how will you feel?)

2. Let the brother know you like him. Then he might actually ask you out. Or you could ask him out.( In this case, your friend will find out anyway so you may want to tell him first.)

3. Never go over to your friend’s house again so you don’t see his brother and work on getting the picture of him playing the piano for you out of his mind.

So you decide what to do, but anything other than option 2 is really cowardly and will not get you anywhere with the brother.

Rarebear's avatar

Don’t sit on him so heavily.

pinykiting's avatar

i think you should see a counselor for further advisement

leftt's avatar

Well, idk, i just back here to see how it was goin’ on fluther read: I got an email to check for new answers :p

Anyways, I just wanted to say that I’ve made very great progress (with piano man, we’ll call him).
Just the other day, I was over at their house, hanging out with Piano Man because his bro (ie:my friend) wasn’t home, and we were playing video games home alone <3
And then later that evening, because his bro was too lazy, Piano Man walked me over to the bus stop so I could catch one home. And that was quite cute and romantic I must say; it was dusk out, and as soon as we got there it started to rain, so we had to huddle under this tiny little awning, and we talked about our childhood similarities for a good 20 minutes before the bus came (the bus was verrry late).

And another time, on valentine’s day, I asked him out for coffee (but with a third wheel ((my other friend)) because it would be awkward otherwise). She knew about my thing for him, so after gulping down her frap, she left, and I walked back with him to his house, and he played my very favorite song (nocturne) for me, because I asked him, and I think I fell in love for real that time.

Oh, and he’s also agreed to give me piano lessons, after bugging him about it for 3 or 4 weeks :)

My only bad bit of news is that their mom is uh, how to put… “overprotective”? To the point that when I go ever I can’t really go upstairs or downstairs of their house with either one of them :/ But, hah, typical OCD mom, hahaha. And I’ve gone over about once a week for the past 4 weeks, so she started to get mad I’ve been going over too much (she isn’t rude enough to say it to me, but my friend told me about it).

But, I don’t know… I don’t think I’ll be in a relationship with him until I, or he, has the nerve to say it. And right now, there’s a sort of ‘peace’ between me, him, and his bro that I don’t think any of us wants to disturb. I’ve given him many hints, too. Whenever I smile to him, it’s a genuine, happy smile.

And now, every time before I go to sleep, I drift off imagining him play me my favorite song on the piano in such a lovely tune, my heart melts. But at that point, my hearts starts to beat so fast, I can’t sleep any more, and I have to think of something else, to my dismay. I also have many dreams of him just playing. The same song every time.

Thanks for reading the update :) It is a tad bit long—sorry!
Hahhh, I think I’m really in love this time…

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