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seazen's avatar

Star Trek: The Stoner Series?

Asked by seazen (6113points) February 5th, 2011

Everyone on Star Trek TNG (if you gotta ask – don’t bother with this question – you aren’t nerdy trekker enough) is stoned. It’s one of those planets that has an affect on you – there were episodes in both the original series (remember Kirk crawling? not a pretty picture) and in a TNG episode – but not exactly stoned. Plus this time – DATA is also stoned. Yep, the weed got into his system via something Matt Browne will explain to you in PM if you ask him.

The point is – what would a ST TNG series look like – if everyone were stoned out of their gills – adrift in space.

Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em.

Knock yourselves out, trekkies. Lurve ya!

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18 Answers

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

“Wow. Just wow,” said the captain.
Data giggles.
“Mr. Worf? Ha! I like saying that. Worf! Worf! Worf!” chimed in Number One.
Worf responded, “You? Ha! You’re? Ha! Ha! Ha! I’m hungry.”

seazen's avatar

Nibbles some tribbles.

Then Worf starts singing some Klingon Opera: “If you’d like to discuss this further,” he says, “just click on this link because when I get stoned – I speak only Klingon or Yiddish.”

filmfann's avatar

(Scene: The Poker Game)

Worf: Geordi, it’s your bet.
Geordi: It is? Have I drawn yet?
Richer: Whoa, this Jack’s sword is thru his head?
Crusher: Do they call it a hand, because there are five cards? Like five fingers? You know?
Data: Geordi, it’s 10 to you.
Geordi: How come it’s 10 to me? It was 15 to Worf!
Richer: How can you tell if the card is upside down?
Crusher: We need more munchies in here!

seazen's avatar

“I’ve been looking forward to gagh. I haven’t had it for quite a while. Very fresh.”
– Jean-Luc Picard (TNG: “Unification I”)

@filmfann Someone compiled a list of all food in the ST universe by species and/or name here with photos and explanations. I don’t know whether to salute, or laugh.

Arisztid's avatar

Picard: set warp speed, err, warp speed…
Riker: ... nine, or eightish..
Wesley: *falls over cackling madly at nothing *
Picard: belay that. Anyone got any cheeze puffs?
Warf: *bats at imaginary targ * Away from me!
Riker: *leans over to Picard and whispers * Has he ever been stoned before?
Warf: *bats furiously * Hab Sosli Quch!!
Picard: *snickers and whispers back * I don’t think so and it hits him wierd
Data: *pulls up uniform shirt and pokes at belly * Whoah!
Picard: *jabs at intercom * Come ON now where are the Cheeze puffs??
Guinan: *through intercom, with a snicker * They were tasty
Picard: DAMMIT, Guinan, you bitch! Number 1, *leans over * you know, I always wanted to call you Number 2.
Riker: asshole
Picard, Riker, Wesley, and Data snicker, Warf growls and swings his imaginary bat’leth as Geordi continues to snore through the whole thing.
Picard: *taking another toke * Set course for the nearest 7–11! Warp speed I don’t give a fuck just ENGAGE.

seazen's avatar

Picard: Worf speed ahead.

Worf: You mean pee’d, Sir.

Picard: I mean Warp speed, Dwarf.

Dwarf: I’m not in this show.

Worf: Why does dwarf, with an “a” sound like Worf with an “o”?

Picard: Number one, you played an English teacher once…

Number One: I have a number two. I’ll be right back.

Dwarf: BRB, LOL

Worf: ROFL

Picard: Dwarf Speed ahead, engaged.

Worf: Engaged, to whom? Sir?

Picard: Just deal the fucking cards and shut up already.

Tea, dammit. Earl Fucking Grey, Hot!

Fade to Number one having a Number two: reading a Kindle 57.

cockswain's avatar

Holy. Fuck.

Arisztid's avatar

Geordi: *raises his head blearily from the deck * Dave?
Riker, Picard, Data, Wesley… in unison, turning to look at Geordi: Daves not here!
Warf: *one more spin with the imaginary bat’leth and passes out *
Picard: *looks at forward screen, sees black hole * Duuuude.
Riker: *looks * Woahh!

anartist's avatar

i am stunned er stoned paralyzed ROFL
I have the hots for Data . . .
can’t get him away from Crusher

Kardamom's avatar

Captain Picard starts cackling, then quoting Monty Python bits such as: “Your mother was a hampster and your father smelt of elderberries! Nudge nudge, know what I mean?”

Worf starts singing “She’s a Brick House” to Deanna Troi while Commander Riker cries in the corner, whilst blubbering, “I love you man, but I love her more!” “We’re gonna get married, aren’t we baby? It’ll be so romantic, just like when Luke and Laura from General Hospital got married.”

Doctor Crusher, starts swooning and caressing herself (whilst finishing off a jelly donut and a bag of Doritos) and whispering to Captain Picard, “I’m a lady doctor, but I need a man like you to be a real man to my lady doctor, uh doctor parts, hee hee heee. Do you have any Ding Dongs or Ho Ho’s. Ha ha, I said Ho Ho.”

Data opens up the back of his head and starts pushing buttons and saying things like, “Danger Will Wheaton!” and “Geordi, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore.”

Wesley Crusher looks scared and asks, “Who the hell is Jar Jar Binks and why does everyone keep comparing me to him? I’m scared, somebody please come and Stand By Me!!!”

Geordi takes off his visor and puts a thong over his face and asks, “Can you see me now? I’m so dizzy you can call me Kizzy.”

Deanna Troi looks over at both Worf and Riker and asks, “Are those dilythium crystals or are you both just happy to see me? I’m so glad I have two boyfriends. You guys are so nice. And you have nice thoughts. But I am sensing that something has come up. Hee hee hee.”

Guinan says, “Have you ever noticed that my hat is made from stretchy spandex stuff and kind of looks like the saucer section of the Enterprise? I think it would be super-pretty if my hat was the Color Purple.”

filmfann's avatar

Geordi: I have adapted this phaser to have three settings. Kill, stun, and stone. Check it out!


Geordi: Oh, wait. It was this phaser over here!

AstroChuck's avatar


is a scene from the new series.

Plucky's avatar

Lol that was one of my most favorite episodes from the TNG series. Just hilarious :)

AstroChuck's avatar

Far out, man.

anartist's avatar

@AstroChuck and @seazen far fxxking out, dudes!

But I guess this Q fails to “boldly go where no man has gone before.”
Still a great ride!

seazen's avatar

Oh, we often snivelly go where everyone has gone before. We aint proud.

flutherother's avatar

TIME: Stardate 576543
LOCATION: The Control Deck of the Starship Enterprise. The crew are unmoving in their seats. A blue fug hangs in the air.
Enter Data stage left
DATA: Captain we have detected a Romulan battle fleet in Sector 9
CAPTAIN PICARD: <turning round slowly in his seat> Data, you OK you look tense man
DATA: Captain, the Romulans are threatening to attack
CAPTAIN PICARD: Don’t worry the Chief Engineer will sort it out. He’s Scottish isn’t he. Tell him to give it all he’s got and put phazers on full power.
DATA: Captain, the Chief Engineer is unconscious. He got hold of a bottle of 450 year old Glen Morangie
CAPTAIN PICARD: <long pause> Is there any left?
DATA: I took the precaution of disposing of it Captain.
CAPTAIN PICARD: <longer pause> I see.
DATA: Captain, the Romulan attack is imminent. They outnumber us ten to one and their ships have advanced shield technology and hyper rays that reduce worlds to rubble. We are all that stands between them and the Federation. The Romulans mean war.
CAPTAIN PICARD: Can I ask you something Data?
DATA: Yes Captain.
CAPTAIN PICARD: Have you been smoking pot?
DATA: No of course not Captain.
CAPTAIN PICARD: I thought not, here have one of these; I rolled it myself this morning.

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