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Jude's avatar

I start seeing psychologist mid April. I feel as though I am in a fog, what can I do, now, so that I don't slip further?

Asked by Jude (32134points) March 8th, 2011

I have people around me, but, I feel all alone. I don’t want to burden my girlfriend, as far as being the sole one who gives me emotional support, and I can’t rely on my family. I feel numb, empty and tired. I am having a hard time getting excited about things. Depression? Yes. I am not myself.

I start with counselling soon. In the meantime, what can I do?


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43 Answers

raven860's avatar

What is bothering you? You can PM me if you like. I will listen and try to help best I can.

wundayatta's avatar

Exercise. Go to sleep at a regular time and get enough sleep. Volunteer to help others. Meditate. Do yoga. Take your meds. Spend time with real people if you can. Stop judging yourself.

I found a new technique for not thinking what I don’t want to think. You know that joke about telling someone not to think about an elephant? And then they can only think about the elephant. Well I had a thought I didn’t want to think, so I told myself not to think about the elephant, and it seemed to work pretty well.

Tobotron's avatar

apparently wholecelium which is a type of magic mushroom also called philosophers stone has been used in experiments to treat depression…I can say that they defiantly make your thoughts and thought process very clear…

I may or may not have tried these to get my head around a few big life decisions ;)

Summum's avatar

Jude ask yourself this if your girlfriend was having trouble would it be a bother to you to be there for her and try to help? If not and you feel you want to help her then let your girlfriend help you. There are many here who will try and help. I’ve been where you are and had ending my life planned. Things do change and get better they really do.

Brian1946's avatar

Do you really think that your gf would feel burdened if you talked to her about this?
How often and to what extent have you talked to her regarding your depression?

Jude's avatar

@Brian1946 This past month has been bad. I have had thoughts of packing ‘er in (my life). I became focused on ending it all). I was obsessed for a week with “ways to go”. She knew all about it and it scared the shit out of her. She wants to be there for me. She told a few minutes ago “I want you to be happy”.

I have a great relationship and don’t want to fuck it up.

SpatzieLover's avatar

I would recommend at least 30 minutes of physical exertion per day (beyond just a walk), Vitamin D (at least 2,000 iu’s——but we all take 6,000 in my home), and at least a ½ of real sunlight. If you don’t have a good sleep every night, I’d also recommend 3mg of Melatonin before you go to bed.

Jude's avatar

@SpatzieLover Exercise and proper sleep do help.

SpatzieLover's avatar

@Jude Yes. Your psychologist will ask you about all of the above at your first session.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

I would get some exercise in.
Anytime you want to go for a walk or bike ride with me,you are more than welcome. :)

MatChup's avatar

Keep in Mind
Depression is a state of mind that results from lack of solutions to your problems. It is a normal outcome; therefore, not your fault.
Depression is a temporary feeling that you will overcome with the help of friends and psychologists. You will get well. You will feel happy again once you vent your frustrations and take on step by step solutions that best work for you.

The first step:
Make a list of what or who is causing you to feel depressed
Make a list of the things you could do to make you feel better

Think back during the time before you were depressed:
What were you doing then?
What made you feel upbeat?

SpatzieLover's avatar

@Jude What is your head talk like during the day?

Did this just come on suddenly? Or is this something you’ve dealt with before?

wundayatta's avatar

It’s not a bad thing to think about suicide, so long as you recognize it for what it is. It means that you are in deep pain, and that’s the only way you can think of to get rid of the pain.

Love does make a difference. Love can help with the pain. I know you can get love here. People will tell you how they care about you and why, so you can see that it’s real. Your girl will tell you, too.

Perhaps the best thing is talking to other people like you. Preferably in real life. Then you know you are talking to someone who truly understands. That what we really want, I think. To know that someone knows us through and through, and that they still want to spend time with us.

Depression is about the suckiest and most painful thing in the world. You are fighting a heroic battle. There are people who understand and are here (or there) for you. You will get better. You may not believe it, but it is true. Believe me. I did it. It took a lot of hard work, and it changed my life and my personality. I’m glad I stuck with it.

janbb's avatar

I know you feel good when you run and I also know you love music and being in nature.. Make sure you get plenty of each in your life. Also, relaxation or meditation techniques and friends -whether online or IRL. You can lean on your GF to an extent but try not to overwhelm her by telling her you emotional temperature all the time. Sometimes just being held is enough without words.

Bellatrix's avatar

Exercise is a great suggestion Jude and I would think about writing too. Write down how you are feeling. Start or take back up writing a journal. You don’t need to share with anyone but it might help you to start to sort out how you are feeling or at least reflect on how you are feeling and this could be useful when you do see your psychologist. Feel better.

Cruiser's avatar

Take a yoga class 2–3 times a week…you will be happy. ;)

Jude's avatar

I appreciate all of your comments. I am in tears.

I like the idea of writing out my feelings. I need to write out all that is hurting me, and soon work on fixing all of that.

I also feel better when exercising and getting proper sleep.

My girlfriend, I just want her to hold me. She takes good care of me, always.

SpatzieLover's avatar

Exercise=Endorphin release That’s why you feel better. orgasms are good for therapy…tell your GF that ;)

Facade's avatar

Hey, you can always message me if you need to talk.

bkcunningham's avatar

Jude, can you somehow be around children? Volunteer reading at an elementary school once a week. Volunteer with the children’s library at a public library. Become foster parents or a Big Sister. After reading some of your posts, I have a feeling you have children on your mind. They are better than Prozac. Hang in there Sweetie.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

I suggest a book by Gary Emery, Ph.D. called “Overcoming Depression: A Client Manual”

Check out

See my profile ( for how else I may be able to help you.

SpatzieLover's avatar

@bkcunningham Has a good point. When I was in the mode of wanting a baby I was “blue”. Everywhere I looked someone I knew or loved was pregnant or holding a baby. It took some books and some time to get past that. I did care for children during that time & it helped a bunch!

JilltheTooth's avatar

Did you tell the counselor when you made the appointment that you have had some suicidal thoughts? S/he could probably find a way to fit you in much sooner… Having the thoughts does not mean you’re planning anything, but it does indicate a level of urgency that needs to be addressed soonest.

Summum's avatar

One comment Jude you don’t have to FIX anything. You are perfect just as you are and what I mean by this is. You are not at fault for feeling this way and your past has you feeling how you do. You cannot fix or change the past but you can just let it be and put it aside. Then you can create a life you want. Writing down your feelings and information will help you see things better. Again don’t blame yourself for the past just set it aside so that you can go on with your life how you want it. Way to often our past projects into our future and it can keep a cycle going so just put it aside. Good Luck and you know we care. I’m BIONIC (Believe It Or Not I Care).

marinelife's avatar

I don’t really have anything to add to all of this excellent advice except that I care.

I would be willing to listen—just listen.

Here is a Zen hug (((( ))))).

Marodr13's avatar

I have felt like that, and what i have done to settle my inner down fall is occupied myself with school and work, family life… Given myself projects and made sure that things are positive around me.. Not sure if I have been depressed because life is not a happy thing, but I have found that medications really dont solve anything, and that moving away is like running from a problem that is always going to be there.. I think that is what got me to sign up as a blogger so that i can speak my mind and be able to free myself of all the things that I have within.. I too have a family and the pets, and the job, and all that and feel alone. But I wish you the best of luck solving the root of what is really bothering you, and maybe someday you can help me out with a chat..

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

I’m with @JilltheTooth on this. I suggest you call the psychologist and explain about the suicidal ideation. They will do everything they can to see you sooner.

In the meantime, medication, meditation, exercise, laughing, and being with my kids all work wonders for me. I list medication first, because depression is a disease and must be treated like one. The other things in the list have all been mentioned and explained well by other posters.

I wish you the best of luck.

cak's avatar

@Jude – I’m with the people above and have been where you are. Call the psychologist as soon as possible and tell them where you are in your thoughts. Most will do anything they can do get you in sooner, especially if you are having suicidal thoughts of any kind.

I can’t tell you how much sunshine does for a person. Wear that SPF! Especially coming out of a season where it is darker and longer “night” hours, it can really knock a person out of whack. Exercise, a walk – anything. Fresh air. I head outside and pull weeds. I can’t stand to be inside, it tends to wear on my moods.

Also, I understand your lack of a support system, or the gaps you see. You don’t want to dump everything on your girlfriend and feel like you lack others to talk to, I felt like that in a huge way. Keep in mind, it may sound silly, that there are people on here ready and willing to listen, anytime. I’m one of them! PM someone that you feel like you can connect with or maybe just someone you feel like you can trust with your feelings. I know it can be hard, but reach out – you are so worth it!

Sometimes, we just need to find some more tools to help us through life. It’s okay. It doesn’t mean we need to “fix” anything about ourselves. It just means we’re smart enough to ask for help. You are taking a huge step. Bigger than you may realize.

Best wishes to you, and like many above me. I’m here for you!

Judi's avatar

I know exactly what that fog is like. I really believe it’s hormonal. Diet and exercise help, as well as bio identical hormones if you have the right doctor to prescribe it.

stardust's avatar

@Jude I understand that fog all too well and am feeling somewhat immersed in it again at the moment.
I think most of the above suggestions are quite helpful. I know when going through something like this, the last thing people feel like doing is exercising, etc. However, they’re the things that’ll help keep you afloat for now.
Could you try yo get an earlier appointment? It may help. I truly understand your not wanting to hurt your gf, but I think she’d want to be there for you.
I hope you start to feel a lift soon,x

Seelix's avatar

A couple of other books which might help you: Feeling Good by David Burns, and Mind Over Mood by Dennis Greenberger. When I was working at Chapters we got a ton of people coming in looking for Feeling Good, having had it recommended by their doctors/therapists. I haven’t read it myself, so I can’t speak for it, but I have read and used Mind Over Mood. If you like the idea of writing and journalling, you might want to check this one out. It’s more a workbook than a reading book – I’d suggest you take a look at it. I hope you don’t find this too presumptuous, but both of those books are in stock right now at your Coles.

Aside from that, I have to echo what others have said. Try to get as much sunshine as you can – and maybe look into a sunlight lamp. Mine has done wonders for me.

Try to get some exercise (or a little more if you already work out). I know how hard it is to get yourself moving when you’re feeling crappy, but that rush of endorphins and the ache of worked-out muscles can really help you to feel better in the short term, and of course the long-term results are great too. But right now, think about what can make things a little better for you now.

Eat well – a healthy diet can really help the mental side of things, too – but don’t deny yourself a treat now and then. Go pick up some of that peanut butter cup ice cream and have a little bit. Completely denying yourself the foods that make you happy isn’t going to help make you healthier mentally.

Take some vitamin D, too. My dad told me that I should take magnesium as well, because increased vitamin D can leach magnesium from your body. I don’t know if that’s 100% true, though – maybe ask your doctor about it.

And of course, know that you have lots of people right here who love you. We’re all happy that you’re seeking help.

I’m here if you need to talk. Cliche? Yes. But sincere? Also yes.

chyna's avatar

@jude Just sending you love and hugs.

Jude's avatar

You guys are wonderful.

I went for a 30 minute run and got to talk to an old friend, tonight. She is coming home from the Carolinas in May and we’re going to get together. We had some pretty good laughs over the phone!

cak's avatar

@Jude That’s a great second step!

janbb's avatar

All right @Jude!

And I just got the “Cake in the Freezer” Award!

BLITsZ's avatar

How do you see a psychologist and start feeling numb, and empty and all that junk. I would recommend you to see a doctor. Watch, he is going to say the same thing as what I said.

nikipedia's avatar

I think sometimes when we’re feeling down we get caught in these loops of being miserable and feeling like nothing can cheer us up. And just finding yourself immersed in something beautiful or fun can help, at least a little. For me sometimes it’s getting lost in work with some good music on, or cooking lots of fresh and beautiful things can take my mind out of the negative thought loops.

Lots of love to you. Be good to yourself. Take care of yourself. We’ve got your back. <3

Meego's avatar

@Jude I really wish I could help you, but I guess I need help to because I have felt like this my entire life. I exercise and it does help and if only I could do that the other 23hrs a day then I would not fel the way I do. I have decided I am supposed to feel like this as a default. Sorry I’m not a great help.

ette_'s avatar

I agree with almost everything everyone has said and the only thing I would add at the moment is that although light-therapy boxes are usually for regulating sleep cycles, I have also heard that they can be very helpful for the mood. I think you can do some research on the web or and blue light therapy is kind of like pseudo-sunlight, especially in these winter-y months (oh wait, spring is coming! something to look forward to!) when we can’t always get the best daylight.

Hang in there!

SpatzieLover's avatar

@ette_ Yes, they can be! My son uses one regularly during autumn. Philips GoLite Blue is small, inexpensive if you PM me I can tell you where to get one for less than $90 and works really well.

ette_'s avatar

@SpatzieLover I already bought one last year :( I wish I could have known I could get one for less than $90! Haha. I actually have that exact one, the Philips GoLite Blue. The little square one. I don’t use it as regularly as I should.

augustlan's avatar

I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way, @Jude. I have nothing to add to the excellent advice you’ve already been given, but I wanted you to know that I lurve you. <3

Seelix's avatar

@BLITsZ – Read the question. She’s not seeing the psychologist yet, she starts in mid-April.

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