Social Question

Spidermanrulezzz's avatar

How to stop feeling like I need a boyfriend and wait for the right person?

Asked by Spidermanrulezzz (189points) March 10th, 2011

I’m 15, and I know boys aren’t really that big of a deal at this point in my life. Despite that I have felt like something was missing ever since my last breakup. None of the guys I meet seem to have feelings for me, and the only ones who do are the ones I would never like and don’t want to date. There is only one boy who I think might like me right now, but I am so confused because I like him but I also like 2 other guys who don’t like me. I’m so confused about how I feel about everyone and I don’t know how to stop trying to fill this hole that shouldn’t be there, because boys don’t really matter at this age do they? Please help me find a way to stop needing a boyfriend, I just want to wait for the right person, but I can’t!

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8 Answers

BarnacleBill's avatar

You’re far more interesting than any 15 year old boy. Do you know why?

cak's avatar

Welcome to Fluther and welcome to 15.

Are you involved in any activities? Sports, clubs…anything?

I know it’s hard. I was 15…some time ago, now. I have a daughter that is 17, and really is just hitting this stage. Since last June, there have been 4 guys she has dated and thought were wonderful, but then she said they never were the one -since her first boyfriend.

Part of that may be learning how to move past that boyfriend, it’s not easy to do; but it’s possible.

I played softball, tennis and was on the swim team. It helped fill a lot of time and I found, that it helped with boy issues. Either I didn’t care about boys much, or when I did, I was more casual about boyfriends.

Spidermanrulezzz's avatar

@BarnacleBill no I don’t, why?

@cak I’m not involved in anything right now, but sports have never really been my thing. I think I have moved on from him, it’s just hard because he was my best friend before he was my boyfriend and I can’t get over losing my best friend. Thanks for the advice though!

cak's avatar

@Spidermanrulezzz: That makes it harder. There is the saying that “time heals all wounds”; unfortunately, this doesn’t always happen as soon as we need it to happen.

Is there any way to salvage the friendship, or do you think it’s completely over?

BarnacleBill's avatar

@Spidermanrulezzz, that is for you to figure out; it’s the answer to your question. You need to learn to value yourself first and foremost.

Kardamom's avatar

There’s a reason why most people are not allowed to date until they are 16, and even that age can be too young for some people. You need more life experience than you can have at age 15 to get into a real, and mature relationship with a male. You need to learn how to communicate effectively with people, not just guys, and feel comfortable with people, not just guys, and you need to learn how relationships start and flow and continue, and under what types of circumstances they fail and break apart. You learn these things by observing other people, usually older kids and young adults and your own parents. And you need to learn to respect your body and your mind and to not just jump into situations with guys because you think they are physically attractive, and to learn not to shun other guys whom you might not find physically attractive. You should want to be with a guy that you like because you have common interests and common goals (like going to school and wanting to go to college and wanting to find a job that you enjoy and having ideas about the future). It’s natural to be physically attracted to certain people because of how they look, but if you base your dating habits mostly on that, you will almost always be sorely disappointed.

You are at an age when you should be concentrating mostly on your school work. It’s ok to have friends and to socialize, but socializing should not be your main goal, school work should be your main goal. But in the interest of socializing and future dating, you should learn to communicate and be at ease with all kinds of people, boys, girls, young people, elderly people, your parents, your teachers, everyone. People that are at ease with other people of all types, are the most attractive kind of people.

Also, most young guys are mostly interested in getting quick, cheap sex, from the most convenient person they can get it from. They aren’t interested in love or being nice and compassionate towards another person, and they aren’t looking for a mate, but they are likely to say whatever they need to say to girls to get quick, cheap sex from them. And when that cheap sex becomes too much trouble for them to bother with, they’ll quickly move on to someone else where they can get it more easily and they won’t be bothered if they hurt your feelings when they move on.

SincereNyc's avatar

There is no such thing as “cant”. What you are saying is that you won’t wait for a new guy that is genuinely interested in you. My question is, what is the rush? Are you competing with the other girls just to be able to say I gotta boyfriend? Why not be original and get yourself involved in some other worthwhile activity or join some club so you can esacape any “pressure” if any, that you may not be telling us about. It may seem cool to be able to say you have somebody, but eventually, if they are not on the same page as you or be willing to communicate to say, lets wait or do something right like help others or joing a team so by the time you finish school you can put that on your college resume! No need to get caught up just to impress people that you wont even probably see in the future, so take care of you and show you are above the influence!

Bellatrix's avatar

Hi @Spidermanrulezzz

I think we grow into the people someone is looking for. It doesn’t just happen. So the best way to get boys to be interested in you, is to be interested in yourself and by that I mean, find things YOU love to do. Do you love art? Movies? Acting? Writing? Sport? Whatever it is (or if you don’t know try investigating things until you find your passions) do it. Just get into doing those things. You will find you will be far too busy (and interesting) to be worried which boys fancy you or don’t and before you know it, they will be coming after you. Then you will have to decide whether you have time for them or if they are people who share things in common with you. Be interested in YOUR life and exploring new ideas and experiences and I promise, the boys will come. Women (and men) who aren’t needy and are involved in life and doing their own thing and are passionate about living, are very, very attractive to others.

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