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mostlyclueless's avatar

If you felt hurt by a friend, would you forgive and forget, or say "good riddance?"?

Asked by mostlyclueless (701points) April 17th, 2011

I had a roommate who I lived with for 2 years (I didn’t know her before living together). We became very close and shared everything together.

As often happens in roommate situations, though, over time we started to have some problems. She got mad about things that I thought didn’t matter, and after a couple conversations I felt so attacked by her that I moved out.

We haven’t spoken since, but we still run in the same social circles. I alternate between feeling like she was so awful to me that she doesn’t deserve my friendship, and genuinely missing her as a friend.

What would you do? Leave things alone and never speak to her again? Or extend an olive branch?

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12 Answers

rock4ever's avatar

If you truly care about someone and want to be friends than forgive but never forget is the policy I go by. Only you know if it is worth the fights to be friends with the person.

lookingglassx3's avatar

I do believe people can change. I understand why you would feel like she doesn’t deserve your friendship, but think of it from her point of view – she could be too embarrassed by her actions to apologise. You hang around with the same friends, which is good, as you say you miss her friendship. Try rebuilding your previous closeness; start with a smile, the odd hello, ask her how she is, join in conversations she’s having. It may sound hard, but what have you got to lose? If she responds well you may gain that apology you deserve. If she responds coldly, she’s not worth it. You’ll have an answer to your question.

janbb's avatar

Well, apparently I recently did forgive someone who hurt me badly so I guess that is what I do. The forgetting takes longer but is also happening – and I’m not sure that is a good idea.

wundayatta's avatar

Always extend the olive branch? You have a lot to gain and nothing more to lose.

BarnacleBill's avatar

You can’t have closure, and only perpetuate drama and discomfort for other people if you don’t at least try to make peace. Living together ruins many relationships. It doesn’t mean you can’t be the best of friends, as long as you live apart. Just because you’re good friends doesn’t mean you’re compatible living together.

Randy's avatar

For me, it really depends on the person and the circumstances. Both play a huge role in deciding if I think I’m better off without them or vice versa.

The worst for me is when exs still want to be friends after a breakup. I’ve had to basically cut all of mine out of my life completely. With friends, it’s easier because there isn’t quite the same amount of emotion tied into the relationship.

filmfann's avatar

I am very forgiving, but if you push me past my breaking point, I will cut you out of my life.

marinelife's avatar

In the case that you are describing, I would extend an olive branch. Just because you can’t live together doesn’t mean that you can’t be friends (and vice versa).

Berserker's avatar

Well it might depend on what the person did.
All friends will, at one point, clash. But we have to learn to work it out, and get on with our lives, and friendship. In fact I’m pretty much of the mind that without some fights and squabbles, you can’t develop the friendship so much, since working over a fight and getting through it will reinforce the friendship.

However there have been times where it was too much for me, and I severed the ties. Some have also done the same with me.

creative1's avatar

My close friends I forgive pretty much anything I just tend never to forget because you never want to re-live anything twice especially something that came between you. So I would extend an olive branch but I would make it up to her to take it or not. You never know if she will actually take the branch you are offerring her. Good luck I know its hard when you miss someone who means alot to you in your life and your not speaking.

CaptainHarley's avatar

Leave it alone. Time heals all wounds and wounds all heels. : )

beckk's avatar

If she was a good friend and you don’t want to loose her the best thing to do would be to forgive her. On the other hand, if she really wasn’t that great of a friend, then I would say to forget about her. No use in having a friend who will only create more problems for you.

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