Social Question

mazingerz88's avatar

Are people who patronize prostitutes despicable?

Asked by mazingerz88 (25901points) May 1st, 2011

And why do people have the need and the urge to hire a prostitute? I would very much be interested in answers that shed light on this question from all different angles of a person’s social, physical, emotional and even spiritual dimensions. Thanks!

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43 Answers

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

No,they are not despicable.
People have different reasons for doing that.

chyna's avatar

Would you rather they pick up a woman in a bar as a one night stand? The contract is made between a prostitute and his/her client and is out there on the table so each party knows going in what is expected. If someone needs sex, can pay for it and another party is willing to offer his/her services for a fee, I think that is better than one night stands where someone is going to get hurt.

john65pennington's avatar

If you have ever watched television, where the police set up a prostitute sting operation, you will notice that most of the men are probably not married, older, and their wives are physically or mentally incapacitated. There are other reasons that men pay for sex. Its their psychological makeup. Most of these men are avid watchers of porn movies, but some are not.

To some men, its a thrill to locate a prositute and make a score.

Some states have legal prostitution, where the women must be medically checked once a month. I have mixed feelings about this law. To me, it encourages prostitution, rather than deters it.

mazingerz88's avatar

@john65pennington I wonder what the reasons are why some states or even a few countries have legalized prostitution some not. What could be the worst thing that could happen if it was legalized from a social, economic point of view. Religion wise, the reasons are quite clear.

john65pennington's avatar

Once about every six months, truck drivers have to submit to a urine test for drugs and alcohol. Its the law. Some truck drivers have discovered unique ways to go around the urine tests, with urine from other clean people.

I feel this same situation will effect prostitutes. People are always looking for ways to go around the law, for their own benefit and prostitution is no exception.

marinelife's avatar

Yes, they are. They are cheapening sex by buying it. They are degrading the people involved in prostitution.

creative1's avatar

You have to admit that alot of prostitutes are drug abusers and if your having sex with them you not only are having sex with all they had sex with but if they are a needle user they may have used dirty needles which are high in diseases as well. So those men who are married and sleeping with prostitutes are potentially bring home to their unsuspecting spouse a whole host of diseases and alot of them are uncureable and have life long effects. So is that really fair to do to someone you are suppose to love????

Cruiser's avatar

No IMO, not at all. Not much different in desire and need than a Swedish massage. Nothing despicable in wanting to feel relaxed and close with someone even if you have to pay for that moment.

jrpowell's avatar

I would rather people pay for it then rape someone in a alley. At least both participants are willing with prostitution.

poisonedantidote's avatar

First I think we need to define “prostitute”.

Is a crack addict that sucks dicks to get money for crack a prostitute? No, at least not to me. Just like a crack addict that steals car stereos to pay for their fix is not a sound system dealership.

To me, a prostitute is an adult that has made a decision to sell their body in a professional manner, stricktly for financial gain. Just like a mechanic needs a garage and tools, so does a prostitute need tools and a place. A mechanic without a garage and tools is not a mechanic, rather just an amateur or a cowbow, and neither of those things qualify as a profession.

Yes, prostitution has a dark side. Some prostitutes use drugs, but so do some mechanics and some roofers. I my self work in a hotel, the bar is staffed by 7 people, 5 of whom do drugs.

Some prostitutes have diseases and spread them to others, and so do bus drivers, chefs and doctors.

There may be drugs, violence and disease in prostitution, but these things are not exclusive to prostitution. If you stop prostitution you wont do half as much to stop AIDS as if you instead funded sexual education in certain parts of Africa.

So yes, some prostitutes have AIDS and they are only doing it to fund their drug habbit. However, some prostitutes dont have AIDS, some dont do drugs. Some prostitutes will cost you $5,000.00 for a 1 hour trip out to sea with them on their private million dollar boat. Some have a big apartament and have a really good life in exchange for 3 hours work a week.

If we stop prostitution we will not stop disease, drugs or violence by proxy. Just like stopping the Olympics wont stop steroid use, and just like stopping restaurants wont stop food poisoning.

Now, where do I really stand on this?

Should crack addicts be able to suck some dick for crack money if they want to? Yes. Should they be allowed to call them selves prostitutes? No.

Should prostitution be legal? Yes. Should it be totally unregulated? No.

Should pimps be allowed to force people in to prostitution? No.

Here is my position:

Prostitution has its down sides, but it is not as bad to have prostitutes in your socciety, as it is to have a socciety where politicians are allowed to decide what private citizens can do with their own bodies.

This position pretty much applies to everything, from drugs to abortion to euthanasia. My body, my choice, and this right trumps all other opinions and priorities.

ps. I have never been with a prostitute, and have even donated to charities that help get women out of forced prostitution.

adr's avatar

to patronize: to treat with an apparent kindness that betrays a feeling of superiority

It appears to me that that is not a good way of treating anyone, regardless of profession.

Why do people hire prostitutes?
Because they want sex, and that is all. No date, no bar, no flirting, just the sex. And since for all the history of mankind, it has been available for purchase in the form of prostitution.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

@adr Welcome to Fluther! To ‘patronize’ also means to be a regular customer of a store or service establishment.

My only experience with prostitutes comes from working in the hotel business. We’ve seen a few guests bring back someone to their room late at night, who then departed an hour or so later.

Why do they do it? Some of these guests travel with alarming frequency. Maybe they are married, and miss the physical interaction with a person. Or maybe because they think that they can safely get away with it. Others may not be married and are not home long enough to find a steady partner.

Is someone who hires a prostitute despicable? I don’t think so, unless they are in a relationship where they have made a commitment of faithfulness to their partner. Personally, I would like to see prostitution legalized in more US states. The bottom line is that it will never go away, so why not create an environment where it is safer for the well-being of both the buyer and the seller?

WasCy's avatar

Not per se. That is, if they are despicable, it’s not ‘because of’ their availing themselves of this service.

ucme's avatar

Despicable…Me? For the record, i’ve never required the services of a prostitute & wouldn’t dream of denegrating those who do. I just wanted to use that movie title in an answer, i’m stupid like that see!

HungryGuy's avatar

Of course not. There’s nothing despicable whatsoever in what adults do in private that’s mutually consensual.

What’s despicable to me is when somebody thinks they have a right to interfere in what other people do in private.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@john65pennington I guess I don’t see why prostitution should be illegal in the first place.

faye's avatar

It’s extremely despicable if the man knows the girl in underage, possibly drugged and beaten into it.

HungryGuy's avatar

@faye – Well, yes. Under those circumstances, it is despicable.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

This is just my personal outlook.
I believe people who patronize prostitutes are lazy, selfish and morally desensitized. Lazy because they don’t want to invest the time to pursue sex via a relationship, selfish because they don’t want to share sex or create sex, instead they pay to be serviced. How can they not be morally desensitized when they’ve got to know prostitutes are generally abused and/or compromised people who take pay for sex not because they enjoy sex but because they have little else mean.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

Despicable seems like such a harsh word; even if I was against prostitution, I don’t think I’d be able to condemn patrons that severely.

Pandora's avatar

I don’t know about despicable but pathetic would fit. Is is better than raping someone, yes but wrong is still wrong. We need to eat and to breathe and to drink and to stay warm for our own personal survival. Sex is more of a mental need. Your stuff isn’t going to rot off and drop because its not used. Hell there are magazines and lotions and sex toys if a person wishes to fantasize.
I will never will understand the desire to pay some woman or man to lie to you and demoralize herself/himself. If you have some sense you would know they probably despise you for your need. And anyone who would argue they are helping her out, they are not. They could easily pay for her time and take her out for dinner or something that would make her feel more like a human being than just a live doll with body parts.
Now if the person is married than they certainly are despicable.
There is the point also that some of these women are forced into the life at a very young and vunerable age and feel they no longer have a choice. So the men who patronize her are commiting a crime against her by helping to make her feel worthless.
There are those who do it very willingly because they are addicted to sex but how is a person to really know if they are dealing with an entrerprising sex addict or a victim.
@Neizvestnaya Well said.

optimisticpessimist's avatar

Prostitution itself is not despicable. The person could be if they are in a supposedly monogamous relationship and use a prostitute they would be despicable but for the infidelity, not because it was prostitution. As others have said, it takes care of a need within a business transaction with both parties benefiting. No lies or false promises necessary.

RareDenver's avatar

I think apart from a very few cases if people realised what they were participating in they wouldn’t do it. I’m sure the vast majority of prostitutes do what they do because they feel there is no other way, it’s not “the oldest trade in the world” it’s the “most desperate trade in the world”

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@Cruiser What sort of Swedish Massage are you takling about? The kind with happy endings?

diavolobella's avatar

@johnpowell Someone who would rape someone in an alley isn’t going to opt not to because they can get a prostitute. Rape is a crime involving violence, degradation and control – not sexual gratification.

mrrich724's avatar

I don’t think it’s despicable. And regardless of whether or not I think it were “right,” I believe if it were legal, it could be regulated and made a lot safer for all parties involved.

Dutchess_III's avatar

That’s it, @mrrich724. I’m asking the question…if it hasn’t been asked before.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

—@Dutchess_III And here. :)

Dutchess_III's avatar

@Pied_Pfeffer Thx. Nothing to add to that thread.

Bellatrix's avatar

I haven’t yet read all the other posts yet but no, they are not despicable. They have a need for sex, they want to access that sex in a clinical way without emotional ties or perhaps want to participate in some sort of sexual activity that they don’t feel they can get elsewhere and they pay someone who provides sexual services for money.

I have concerns about prostitution (and particularly where it is illegal) and not from a morality perspective, but from a women’s rights (abuse of rights) perspective, but that is a different question.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@Bellatrix I think that’s the point…if it was legalized the women would have other options…

Bellatrix's avatar

I have problems with prohibition generally. I think it often causes more problems than it solves. I think @poisonedantidote covered many of my concerns. Women who are coerced into having sex for money by people who are using and abusing them because they control them in some way (provision of drugs etc.), are not participating in prostitution voluntarily. I am totally against those who treat women or men (young men also fall victim too) in this way. I also abhor the trafficking of women or young men for use as prostitutes. These are crimes as far as I am concerned and should be heavily stamped on.

In contrast though, there are women who work as prostitutes who have made a conscious choice to do so. They have regular health checks, they are professionals and they are offering a service. I don’t have any problem with a woman making such a choice as long as it is made of her own free will.

I think by legalising prostitution we provide the opportunity to ensure the women doing this sort of work can be protected and those using prostitutes can have a safe place to go to procure sex, with an assurance of protection from disease etc.

If legal brothels are available, then I think there should be a stronger line taken against men or women who pimp vulnerable members of society (male and female) out and put them in harms way.

There will always be men who are prepared to pay for sex and there will always be women who are prepared to provide sex. For me, the focus should be on protecting the vulnerable in both camps from extortion, crime, disease etc. I don’t think you do that by labelling all prostitution and all use of prostitutes in the same bag.

Blueroses's avatar

One possible reason I can see for somebody seeking out a sex professional would be to explore a fantasy or fetish s/he isn’t comfortable sharing with sharing within a relationship. As long as it’s between consenting adults and nobody gets hurt (unless, of course that is the fantasy and it’s mutually agreeable to all parties) I don’t see a problem with the business arrangement. It could even be argued to be therapeutic if the patron is able to act out something that has been a source of shame.

Aethelwine's avatar

My father paid for a prostitute for at least ten years while married to my mother. That was despicable. I have no sympathy for prostitutes or the people who pay for them.

@Neizvestnaya I really like your answer.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

@jonsblond Was it the part where he was going to a pro, or that he was cheating on your mother?

Aethelwine's avatar

@MyNewtBoobs Maybe a little bit of both. I was hard up and living on my own when I was 18 and living in Las Vegas after high school. I worked at a gentlemen’s club for a month when a high class pimp offered me a job. He supplied women to the likes of Mike Tyson and others. The offer was living arrangements and a diet of cocaine and salad to lose 10 lbs. I didn’t take it, and instead moved in with my sister in California. Tell me that offer wasn’t despicable.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

@jonsblond I think the offer was insulting – but I don’t think it’s representative of all prostitution (although maybe stereotypical prostitution).

Dutchess_III's avatar

@jonsblond That does suck. Seriously.

hermit's avatar

It is really easy to judge the GIRLS and the JOHNS. For anyone who feels hollier than thou, who are you ? It is a very complex subject to understand and never mind to control it. At the end it is about demand and supply; economic 101, really. Sex is never free; never have and never will. Love/marriage on the hand is a whole different game.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Fact from fiction, truth from diction. Guess everyone will be buzzing about this at the water cooler come morning, Unlike most of the others who premise they never used, in my distant past when I wore a younger man’s clothes I have used on about 3 to 4 occasions. I didn’t feel despicable nor do I now. I did learn from that is that sex is far, far better when you have it with someone you love and have a deep connection with. The prostitute don’t want the John’s company all she is about is the money. How can you have a good time when she is watching the clock and asking you every three minutes, ”Did you do it, baby?”. There is not foreplay, no cuddling, it is all mechanical; I could have had a batter time with myself in the shower.

Why did I do it? Back then hindsight is always 20/20, it seemed like excitement plus a way to get one’s jollies off with out having to go through all that bull and gobblely goop of trying to pick up and impress some other woman who was interested in your wallet but in a different way. I didn’t have to put on airs, buy drinks or try to charm it out of her, we both knew why we were there and there would be no call in the morning. Why do many guys do it? Expedience, pure and simple.

I don’t think people who use prostitutes are despicable, not even the prostitute themselves. The only thing they are doing different from some serial boinker which could be classified as a “ho bag” no matter what side of the tracks she is on is that the prostitute is getting paid up front, not on the installment plan over sever date usually three that is the rule these days, right?. If she was ending up in the bed of five different men a week hardly no one would bat an eye if she did it for free; they might even cheer her on. I bet she is certainly adding value to sex, certainly more than a prostitute?

If it were legal the price would be competitive, the pimps would be shut down, the girls protected and can unionize, government will get their taxes, and a guy will have no excuse to go rape someone off a date or anywhere else because he can go to the pro wherever she is regulated to work, and get serviced. If it were legal the price and service would be better because they will have to openly compete for the dollar and the prospected John would know who was charging what for what service. As a man of faith I would have to say the art of prostitution is repugnant but not the participants. Then again, there is a lot of other stuff that is repugnant too, it is just so many people love to do them they are not illegal.

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

Men without partners….without girlfriends/boyfriends/wives, etc. Understandable in most cases. You don’t have someone or you don’t want ties and just want to have some sort of outlet..that to me, makes a bit of sense. However…..

Married men/attached men (and women, I suppose)....a bit pathetic sometimes despicable and always soul-destroying in one way or another…especially if it is a covert and hurtful action.

One of my cousins was engaged to a man for three years (great sex life). She married him and he refused to have sex with her after he married her. He was always too tired or would make some lame excuse. She would attempt to initiate sex and he would pull away. To tell you that she was upset is an understatement…she felt rejected, ugly, (she was gorgeous) and just angry at how he someone made sex with her feel like it was “dirty” and she was some sort of a nymphomaniac for asking for it. (She finally gave up initiating completely which meant they just didn’t have sex at all.)

Guess what? About after two years of this “deep freeze” she found photos on the internet of a prostitute that apparently he had been “visiting” on business trips. It absolutely almost killed her. He wouldn’t sleep with her….but he was sleeping with a prostitute. How twisted a psychology is that?

Despicable? I think so.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@DarlingRhadamanthus Absolutely despicable. Twisted. He probably has some twisted idea that only “bad” girls like sex, and wives are not bad girls. Certainly not his wife.

They have divorced, I assume? Hope?

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