Social Question

MilkyWay's avatar

Do you have to be in a relationship?

Asked by MilkyWay (13650points) May 14th, 2011

I’m in high school and I don’t have a boyfriend. Most kids think this is weird and take the mick out of me for it. Some have even gone to the point of assuming I’m gay, which with all due respect I’m not.
They think this because I hang out with a girl who is. I really like her and have lots of gay friends.
The thing is I’m tired of it. Do you really have to be in a relationship in school? I just don’t take an interest in boys that way and I’ve tried explaining that to certain people but it just falls on deaf ears. Why is it that if you’re not in a relationship, people think you are strange or unusual? Is me not having a boyfriend at the age of 16 abnormal?

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36 Answers

Blackberry's avatar

Nope, do what you want to do. It’s more beneficial to concentrate on school work anyway.

Cruiser's avatar

I think it is healthy to not and tie yourself down with someone at your age. You still have some growing up to do and discovery of who YOU are and what you are all about. Thumb your nose at them and smile inside over your own independence.

aprilsimnel's avatar

Nope. But remember, you can’t learn how to be better at having relationships by not having relationships, so you can allow yourself to be open to the opportunity should it arise and you like that person.

You don’t have to be “good enough”, or anything like that to have a relationship. You’re good enough already. And on the other side of the coin, you’re good enough already, so you don’t need to be in a relationship to validate your existence, so to speak. Be in one if you want, and if you don’t, don’t.

Neither extreme end of the spectrum is healthy for the vast majority of people. We are social beings, after all.

JilltheTooth's avatar

When I was in school, I only had relationships with people I wanted to have relationships with. I don’t know how it is now, but then, if you spent a Saturday night dateless, you got a lot of grief. I always figured it was shallow and disrespectful to go out with someone simply to not be alone. Do what your heart dictates, and try not to let others dictate what and who you want to be.

Coloma's avatar

The sooner you learn that there are no ‘shoulds’ in life, the happier you will be.

Don’t should on yourself. Some people never get this.

Relationship is often over rated, part of our programming that does not fit every person, and who and when you have a relationship is nobodys biz. but yours!

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

No, you don’t have to be anything right now, other than a student and the fantastic person you already are. If someone pokes at you for not wanting a boyfriend, maybe you should tell them, “I’m happy enough with myself that I don’t need someone else to prop me up.”

Brian1946's avatar


“Don’t should on yourself.”

Lol- good one! When I say it, it sounds a lot like another verb that starts with “sh”. ;-)

marinelife's avatar

Nope, I did not seriously date until college.

lloydbird's avatar

I’m not sure. Given that I’ve just celebrated my 25th Anniversary a couple of days ago, it’s been some time since I’ve not been in one.
My guess is that you don’t. But that it is also good to be in one.

Faze44's avatar

Noway getting through your school years is more important, as for the assumptions the small minds are making that your gay, tell them to get over themselves, you shouldnt feel the need to explain your not gay or worry about disrespecting anyone. Theres overboard representation in certain areas of life and in this world that can add to the peer pressure you definitely dont need rise above it stay strong:)

Joker94's avatar

I’m in high school and I have no girlfriend, so I know what you mean. I like girls and all, but right now, committing myself to a relationship doesn’t seem too appealing to me. I’m okay with taking a break for a while, and having fun. A lot of my close friends don’t have girlfriends, and I’m one of the few out of them who had a girlfriend at any point. So, it’s either totally normal to be single or we’re all losers..

Just take it easy for now, is what I say, hanging out and making bad decisions with your friends is what’s important :D

Brian1946's avatar


“So, it’s either totally normal to be single or we’re all losers..”

It’s definitely the latter.

Coloma's avatar

The longer you are single ( well, at my age now anyway ) the more you LIKE it! lol

Honestly, I don’t think I could ever live with someone again, I am a very spoiled girl.

It’s easy to get used to only thinking about yourself after a lot of years of only thinking of others.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

It is not uncommon to not be dating at that age. And yes, it sometimes happens that a few people speculate about your sexual preference based upon a person’s affiliations with another or lack thereof.

Most of the kids in my high school graduating class grew up together. It seems like by the time we got to the dating age, some of us felt like it would be dating a brother or a sister because we had grown up together and knew each other pretty well. I remember the guys sitting out on a grassy hill during a lunch break discussing who would take which girl to the senior prom. It all worked out just fine…no drama, no broken hearts.

When the time comes that you feel that magical attraction to another, you will know that it isn’t worth trying to fool yourself just in order to have a date.

KateTheGreat's avatar

Not at all. I personally prefer not to be in a relationship. And if that is what you’re like, then you should embrace it!

Mikewlf337's avatar

No. I do however want to feel loved.

BarnacleBill's avatar

Most of the dating experience you have in high school is not a permanent relationship, but can have long term consequences. There is absolutely nothing wrong with not dating in high school. You do not need a boyfriend or girlfriend to make you a whole person. In fact, they can often detract from knowing yourself. The happier you are with yourself and the better you know yourself, the better your relationships will be in college and adulthood. People who start dating early often end up making choices that compromise their own best interests for the sake of being in a relationship. Then the relationship ends, and they are left with nothing.

MilkyWay's avatar

Thanks guys :)
I guess you really can’t make some people understand.
In this case, I’m going with Ignorance is Bliss…

Brian1946's avatar


I’m so sorry! I meant the former.

MilkyWay's avatar

Lol! @Joker94 I’d say it’s pretty normal bud.
@Brian1946 tut tut XD

CaptainHarley's avatar

Look at it this way: you’ve got your entire life to get tangled up with some dude. Don’t rush it, You’ve got lots of time. : )

Coloma's avatar


“Tangled up in dudes” wasn’t that a Dylan song? Oh wait..well..kinda fits, tangled up in dudes often equals tangled up in blues. lol

Seelix's avatar

Of course you don’t need to be in a relationship. Lots of teens use their high school years to explore their options when it comes to romantic partners, and a lot of them also get too caught up in that stuff and end up letting their grades suffer or end up with an unwanted pregnancy/STI/whatever. Take your time. You’re probably better off without all that drama anyway ;)

wundayatta's avatar

It’s high school. Everyone is obsessed with being “normal,” so when someone isn’t, they get a lot of attention. People wonder what’s wrong with them. And so you get a lot of shit.

I’m sorry you have to go through this. Unfortunately, many of us here on fluther weren’t very popular in high school, and had to deal with issues of how others saw us. Some people cared what others thought and they were miserable. Others didn’t care, and did better, unless people decided to pick on them. And some were oblivious.

I never had a girlfriend in high school. I wanted one, but I didn’t have one. Lucky for me, though, I was blissfully unaware of all the drama being played out everywhere. I guess I saw it, but I didn’t recognize it. It’s not a bad way to go, if you can learn how to “not see” things. Meanwhile, it doesn’t really matter what others think. At least, in the long run. It might seem tremendously important while you are in high school, but later on, you’ll look back, and wonder why you cared.

Berserker's avatar

I know it’s easier said than done, but fuck what people think. If you’re cool with your life at the moment, don’t let what others think change it. You don’t have to be in a relationship at school, or anywhere, at anytime. You just do what you wanna do, if it feels right for you.

And anyways, if you do get in a relationship, you’ll just get criticized and bashed for that, too. You can’t ever win when it comes to the expectations of people, whether at school, on the work force, or in that subway where all the homeless hang out. You’ll always be back to square one. So it’s just better to do what’s comfortable for you, and fuck everyone else. You’ll get in a relationship when the time comes, when you feel it’s right when you meet someone special, and if others can’t hack that, whatever. School can be cruel, but so is the rest of the world, so please don’t be drawn in by other people’s bullshit when it comes to what you should be, do, think and how you take a dump.

KatawaGrey's avatar

You don’t need a relationship. What you need is to maximize your own happiness without hurting anyone else and it sounds like you’re doing just that.

Something I have noticed with people who always whine about single is that they are generally unhappy individuals. Then, they get an SO and find that they are still unhappy. Then the SO finds out that s/he was settled for and everything goes to shit.

Enjoy being single! It’s a lot of fun. When you do get into a relationship if you do indeed decide to have a relationship, there’s a certain lady (@JilltheTooth) who has been single most of her adult life and couldn’t be happier you will find that that is a lot of fun as well.

You know the best thing about having lesbian friends? If a creepy dude is hitting on you, just have one of them put her arm around you and creepy dude knows he has no chance!

emeraldisles's avatar

Don’t worry about it. I’ve never been in a serious relationship. All of the guys I know are too immature to be in one.

ddude1116's avatar

Relationships are inherently over-rated in high school. I’m in high school and have never been interested in having a serious one, now that isn’t to say I’ve been completely object to them no, wait, I am completely object to it, but I do have some experience with relationships, though it was never legitimized by dating, it was a mutual liking, but I digress and I’ve found that the more you get to know the people you like, it sometimes results in drifting apart instead. Quite frankly, I got bored with all the girls I was interested in before anything serious grew out of it. And I’ve witnessed how fucked up serious relationships in high school can make people, too. So don’t worry about it, chill out, have fun and keep it real.

Only138's avatar

not if you wanna be happy. LMMFAO

Berserker's avatar

lawl XD

everephebe's avatar

I honestly think the whole dating scene is pretty lame until you get into university. You don’t have to explain yourself, or apologize for not being in a relationship. Just own it, gurl. Study hard and do well in school, that’s way more important.
Being single is not weird, and don’t settle for anybody less than spectacular.

klutzaroo's avatar

Not at all. If they want to make fun of you, call them on being too stuck on the idea of juvenile relationships with no real future to experience life. There’s no real point to relationships in high school. Tell those assholes that you don’t have a problem with not being cliché, its sad that they don’t have a problem with being childish and predictable.

aprilsimnel's avatar

There is a point to having relationships in high school, if you want one. Sure, 99.999999999999999992% of them won’t go anywhere, but they’re valuable lessons in socialization, learning how to deal with feelings of heartbreak, rejection and getting over people, learning how to communicate with significant others who aren’t our families, learning how to prioritize our social lives with our “work” lives, separating ourselves from our parents and figuring out what we value in a partner can start if you’re dating in high school.

This isn’t to say that if you’re not into it during those years, you must date, but I disagree that dating in high school is a waste of time. That’s why I stated earlier that no, don’t have a relationship if you don’t want to, but it’s OK to be open to it if you want. You never know what’s going to happen to you in life.

MilkyWay's avatar

@KatawaGrey LOL, creepy dudes! I laughed at that. Yes, that’s deffo an advantage :)
@everephebe Oh yeah! For a second there I thought it was a link to your voice. I have got to get over that XD
Thanks guys, I don’t want to be in a relationship right now, so I’m not gonna bother over what peeps are saying. Love you :)

Ajulutsikael's avatar

You don’t have to have a significant other in high school. Of course the more you fight everyone on the subject the more they will think you are gay. Just ignore them. It becomes that situation where “Doth protest too much.” The more you say no the more people think you are just denying the truth.

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