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Seelix's avatar

What kind of silly threats do you make in jest to your loved ones?

Asked by Seelix (14886points) May 18th, 2011

First off, this is all in fun. I don’t actually beat up my boyfriend (or anyone, for that matter). It’s all jokes!

What kind of silly threats do you make? What weird fates have you been threatened with in fun – by your mom, your kids, your friends?

When Mr. Fiance is driving me up the wall, I often tell him I’m going to punch him in both eyes at once.
He tells me he’s going to dropkick me all the time.

What about you? Anything like that make you giggle, or am I just a weirdo?

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28 Answers

JilltheTooth's avatar

When KatawaGrey was little I used to yell: “If you don’t do (whatever) I’ll bore you to death with empty threats!!!”

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

I threaten all kinds of things! It’s so hard to choose just one!
He just tells me to sleep with one eye open…It’s so much more effective than my style of threat XD

BarnacleBill's avatar

My favorite was telling the kids, “Behave, or the next time I’m in the car with your friends, I’ll sing along with the radio.”

Vunessuh's avatar

I just tell my mom I’m going to throw away her cigarettes and she shits herself in fear.

KateTheGreat's avatar

I tell my boyfriend that I will punch him in the throat if he doesn’t quit doing something. Hehehe. Then he just tackles me and gives me a kiss.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

Since I was a kid my mom’s favorite threat is to “break your legs.” It’s become such a commonly known thing among friends and family, that it almost has a life of its own.

My husband always threatens to pee on me. No quirky sexual connotations there, by the way. Just him being generally silly and trying to get a rise out of me.

Why do mine seem so much worse than everyone that has posted? I can’t decide whether or not to hit “answer.”

KateTheGreat's avatar

@ANef_is_Enuf Hahaha! My mom used to tell me she’d break both of my legs! That’s funny.

ucme's avatar

We both have a catalogue of these we sling at each other. One of the benefits of being in a long term relationship is that you can get away with that shit. Of course it helps that we both share the same wacky sense of humour.
The wife will say something like, “Shut the fuck up or i’ll cook dinner!”
Another would be, “I’m going to wrap cling film around your face while you sleep!”
My favourite is when she threatens, “If you’re not careful I won’t be here in the morning!” To which I reply, “Oh yeah, promises promises!”
She definitely has more than me though. One reason being I fear this most of all, “Come here & i’ll twat you over the head with this pan!”
Awww, nineteen years of sheer domestic violence…..err, bliss ;¬}

SeaTurtle's avatar

My threat is reminding my wife that its only the drivers side of my car has an air-bag :)

I’m not so dark as to have thought it up myself, its from a comedy sketch. Billy Connoly I think)

filmfann's avatar

I used to tell my kids “Clean your room, or I’m selling you to the Arabs!”
It was a reference to The Blues Brothers, but I didn’t expect them to understand it.
Years later, my daughter told me that my saying that actually upset her, and I now regret it.

Jude's avatar

I threaten to tackle and pin her down. Usually, that backfires, as she’ll “okay” (followed by a flirty grin).

AmWiser's avatar

I threaten to cook liver for dinner.

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Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

“Maybe your next wife will put up with that.”

Cruiser's avatar

I threaten to not cook any meals for a week….that usually puts a stop to most issues in the house!

Joker94's avatar

“I’m gonna fuck you with my pecker!”

ddude1116's avatar

@Joker94 dude, that’s dirty..

Randy's avatar

I tell my girlfriend that I’m going to poke her eyes out at least once a day.

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choreplay's avatar

I threaten to sing. It’s bad, I can’t carry a tune in a bucket!

JLeslie's avatar

I threaten my husband I will haunt him if I die first.

I also tell him I am not going to say another thing. Within a short while he asks me why I am so quiet. WTF?! Lol.

etignotasanimum's avatar

My parents had this whole story going on that they had another set of children living in Bolivia, and if that my siblings and I didn’t behave, they would switch places with us and we’d have to live in Bolivia instead. When I was older I would mention the kids to tease my parents-things like, oh I bet your Bolivian kids behaved better than I ever did, right? I have no idea how they ever came up with this idea, though.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I tell my fiancée I’m going to pinch him because he hates pinches.

I tell my doggie we’re fattening him up for shish lik kababs or as a roast for the dutch oven.

My ex partner used to tease that he would send me to Tadzhikstan where I’d be a slave, pumping fuel in some station for the rest of my days where no one cares if women have cute shoes on or not.

My fiancée doesn’t threaten me with anything, he likes to act to my face that I’m perfect :)

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I don’t think I say any empty threats because if I am threatening, I mean it.

tedibear's avatar

My mom used to say, “If you don’t cut that out I’m going to knock you into tomorrow.” Unless we were being really bad, then it was “the middle of next week.” One of my sisters said that to her son. His eyes got huge and he asked, “Can you do that?” Her answer, “Yes, so you had better quit it.”

When my cat misbehaves, I tell her, “You have a brain the size of a walnut and I can crush it ay any moment.” Never ever would I do it though!

Seelix's avatar

@tedibear – Don’t feel bad about the kitty threat. When my cat starts bugging me at 7pm for her 9pm wet food, I often tell her I’ll rip her eyeballs out :)

tinyfaery's avatar

I never threaten my wife with anything. I hear other couples do it and it makes me very uncomfortable. You know, the whole truth in humor idea… no me gusta.

augustlan's avatar

I say to my husband, “I will kick you right in the shin.” I told him it’s one of my super-powers, and that if I were to actually kick him in the shin, he’d die. He laughs.

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