Do you have any insanely crazy, but true, stories you'd like to share?

Here’s one of my own:
Long ago, when the kids were little, we went to visit a friend of mine, Jane T. Jane, has one of those drop mailboxes that lead directly into the house. My son, Chris, who was three at the time, stuck his arm in, up past the elbow to wave “Hi!” inside the house…and couldn’t get his arm back out!
My friend came to the door, because I had just knocked. She said, “Well Hi!”
My response was, “Chris is stuck in your mailbox!!”
“Are you serious?” She asked. Well, there’s Chris, yanking on his arm, stuck in the mail slot, and crying at the top of his lungs.
“Wow,” she said. Well, we tried everything. We tried soap. We tried oil. We tried Crisco.
As we were working, with no luck, the other kids, who were in the house, were trying to get Chris to be the Thing—the one that hands out the mail, in the Adams family, although we didn’t know this ‘cause we were outside. Our first clue was when he suddenly wailed “Nooooooooooo!!! I don’t wanna play the Adam’s family!!!”
“What?”
“Th..th..they’re t..t…trying t…t…to make m…m…m ho..ho…hold th…the m….m…mail and I DON’T WANT TO !!” his cries rose to a creshendo.
“YOU GUYS QUIT! LEAVE HIM ALONE!”
After about 15 minutes Jane looked at me disbelievingly and said, “Uh…I guess….uh….we need to call 911…?” I agreed. What else could we do?
Jane went in to make the call. (This was pre-portable phone days.)
Things couldn’t get any worse, right? Wrong. Jane had forgotten that she had been frying some potatoes on the stove when we knocked, and just as she connected to dispatch the potatoes started burning and the smoke alarms went off!
At this, the other kids are running around the house flapping towels and screaming, “Fire!! Fire!!”
Jane’s on a chair trying to knock the fire alarm off the wall with a broom, stretching the phone cord as far as it would go, while trying to explain to dispatch that “NO! There is no fire! There is a kid stuck in my mailbox!!”
I heard all of that later. All I heard from out on the porch were the smoke detectors suddenly screeching and the kids screaming “FIRE! FIRE!” All that noise and Chris is freaking out and that’s when I REALLY got close to a panic! Jane’s house might be on fire and my son is stuck in the freakin’ wall!!! If there had been a chain saw handy, oh hell yes I would have used it! Right then and there!
Finally Jane was able to quiet the smoke detectors. She rushed out to reassure me that the house wasn’t on fire and EMS was on the way. The kids started pestering Chris to be The Thing again. Everything was back to normal. We just sat, trying to comfort Chris.
Finally EMS showed up, lights and sirens. Just sight and sound that was enough to calm Chris down for a minute.
They looked at me and said, “Weren’t you the lady who….”
“Just get him out!” I cried. I was not in the mood to hear about other past escapades involving my kids…usually Chris.
They removed the flap, which gave him just 1/16th or so. Just enough room to slide his now-slimy arm out.
As they were working I asked Jane if she had a camera. Jane is one wild and crazy woman. Much crazier than me, but she looked at me as though I was insane. She silently got her camera and handed it to me. SHE wasn’t about to take that picture. You should have seen the faces of the Rescue Guys when that flash went off! They looked at each other, telepathically saying “Did that woman, who was in a panic and ready to dismantle the house a minute ago, just take a picture of this?”
Then, suddenly, everyone was gone and Chris was free. It was just him and me standing on the porch being touched by a warm summer breeze. The silence was deafening.
I timidly knocked on Jane’s door again. She answered it and yelled “GET AWAY FROM ME!!!”
The end.

Hahaha….that’s hilarious!

Oh Jeez..I ‘ve got a few, but, one comes to mind.
The day I got my arm stuck in the lint trap of my dryer when my daughter was in kindergarten.

It was about 30 minutes before I had to leave to meet the kindergarten school bus and I was finishing up some laundry.

My laundry room at that time was right off the kitchen in an alcove and as I unloaded the dryer I went to clean the lint trap and noticed a big gob of lint waay down the slot after removing the screen.

Plunged my arm in about halfway up to my elbow and, uh oh…stuck!

I was, really, really, really STUCK!

Sat down on the floor and pulled and pulled, nothing. My arm was swelling after about 5 minutes and the clock was ticking. I couldn’t miss the bus, there was nobody there to meet my 5 year old a mile away down our rural road.

The phone was across the room in the kitchen, no way to reach it…sooo, FINALLY, after about 15 minutes of extreme pulling, squeezing, yanking…my arm popped out! Whew!

Made the bus by seconds. haha

Another sevral mishaps with my little german shepherd dog years ago. Once I noticed Thank God I was home that she had been lying for a looong time on the deck with her head flat on the ground in front of her. She was being very quiet and I went pout to see what was going on. Poor thing, her tags one of them had slipped down between the cracks in the planks and turned sideways pinning her head to the ground in the sun.

Good thing I wasn;t gone for hours! Poor thing!

Another time she jumped up on the back of a plastic slotted patio chair and her paw slid down sideways and then turned, trapping the wide part between the slats. I was home alone and after trying dish soap and her panicking and nipping at me, I got a hold of a neighbor guy who came over and HACKSAWED the chair off her paw!

I’ll save the story of my other dog getting shot with a 30/06 and almost strangling my horse to death for another time. LOL

Ha! Man…that lint thing must have been REALLY scary!

I don’t know if it counts as insanely crazy, but I once had to bring my daughter back to life after she drowned in my mom’s pool. It was either me, or wait until the paramedics got there and it would have been too late.

After I brought her back and she laid over throwing up water for a few minutes, I did the only thing I could think to do which was immediately take her back into the pool with me, so she wouldn’t be afraid of the water.

I joined a social networking site a year or two ago. At the time, when you signed up it would suggest friends to you if you to add, basically just random members. There was a list of 10 totally random people from all over the world, male, female, all different ages.

The very first person on the list was someone using my photos and claiming them as her own. The site linked me with someone that was impersonating me, completely at random.

True story. Maybe not terribly insane, but it was for me. haha.

SCARY @WillWorkForChocolate! I was once at a hotel pool with the kids, visiting my mom. I glanced away for a second, glanced back and there was Chris, goin’ down for the 3rd time. I clambered in and saved him. Poor little guy. He said, “I tried to yell but I couldn’t even say “Mommy” ” : ( Sniffles. It took an hour to get him back in. I started with the Jacuzzi.

Very strange @ANef_is_Enuf!

Before starting a hotel inspection at hotel in Maryland (US), I went down to the restaurant for a second cup of coffee. There was a guy at a table that looked incredibly like one of my cousins who I hadn’t seen in years. I finally worked the nerve up to approach him and ask if he was ‘Carl’. Indeed, it was. If it hadn’t been for that cup of coffee, our paths probably would have never crossed.

A co-worker’s story can top that one. He was at his hometown airport walking towards his gate, when one of the telephones started ringing at the phone bank. Since he had time and no one else was around, he decided to do the hospitable thing and answer it. The caller asked, “This is Paul. Did you just page me?” The co-worker explained the situation, and then asked, “You wouldn’t be Paul ____, would you?” And it was….Paul was one of his close relatives. The co-worker thought he recognized the voice.

I found $10,000 in a drop ceiling of a vacant office I was remodeling. Hid it for 6 months incase someone asked me if I found anything there. Then I spent $700.00 of it and a few days later noticed many of the serial numbers matched. HS it was counterfeit!! I got paid a visit by the US Marshalls who made it pretty clear they were upset with me and wanted to know where I got that money! Funny part is they apparently raided that unit I was in as they were following the tenant for years as they were an Iranian counterfeit ring! I told them they did a lousy job searching the place. They did not take kindly to my comment!

Holy crap!!

I was followed 12 miles down a backcountry road by a guy who lived in a burned out house with a yard full of hundreds of doll heads stuck on spikes.

He followed us in his Bronco to the police station and parked across the street. When the cops came out, he went speeding off into the night. A few weeks later, he was arrested and went to jail for kidnapping peoples’ dogs and skinning them alive. Later, we also found out that he was charged with murder as well.

Back in my hitch hiking days:

It was early one clear morning when my ride turned into where he worked. That was as far as he could take me, but he told me the town was just 3 miles further down the road. I had successfully coaxed a few dollars from the man, and was eager to find an eatery of some sort. I dropped my bag at my feet, and stuck my thumb into the meager traffic. It was a nice flat area that afforded a potential ride plenty of room for pulling over to assist. It was at the bottom of a hill, and just outside a clean, spartan fence. Up on the hill could be seen a large brick building, neither too fancy nor plain. Well, time marched by while I stood in place; the rising sun beat down on me, and I began to sweat and fuss. About the middle of the day I decided I’d had enough. I snatched up my bag and walked the remaining miles to town. I found a place to eat, and settled in over something cheap. I spoke to some of the locals, and they responded with a twinkle in their eyes. They seemed out of character when then inquired about my hitch hiking progress. I was well acquainted with the fact that local traffic is tougher than the interstate, but still, I had to complain to the locals about local unwillingness. The joke was on me, I guess, and the locals got a good laugh that afternoon. They informed me that I had been standing outside the local funny farm all morning. No wonder no one picked me up!

I don’t have any stories like you’ve told, but I sure enjoyed reading them. Thank you!

This one’s a bit disgusting, so don’t say I didn’t warn you.

This was my second day working facilities at my school as a summer job, and I’d been tasked to clean the men’s bathroom on the 4th floor. It smelled a little rank as I walked in, but it wasn’t unbearable so I started cleaning.

The time came to clean the toilets, and in the second stall was a mound of turds that rose above the toilet seat. These were not floaters, nothing that huge could float. I dry-gagged and ran down to get some seasoned veterans, janitors who’d worked at the school 20 years or longer. They went up there, saw the mound, and told me they’d never seen such shit in their life. One of them joked that it was an elephant turd . . . I could believe it. They grabbed these pitchfork-things, chopped it up, and flushed it down. And now I can perform my job with confidence, knowing I’ve encountered the worst.

OMG…that is HORRIBLE @efritz!

Well, I have another one…this question was up for 5 hours before it got pulled because I misspelled “Insanely”!

@efritz when I was in middle school, I found a turd in one of the stalls after school that was literally three feet of continuous shit. It was as big around as my bicep. I swear God was playing a joke on me that day.—

Ugh. I feel sort of pukey after reading those last few posts. x.x

That is just gross, you guys! I don’t even want to eat now… yeah @KatetheGreat. No kiddin’

Oh, @Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard that wasn’t a turd, it was a doodoo-saurus rex.

@Dutchess_III Which one’s worse. Clyde or talking about shit?

I don’t know! I just know that I feel ill right now!!! I do hope Clyde had nothing to do with any of the above stories, though!

@KatetheGreat I lol’d hard.

@Dutchess_III Clyde is the omnipotent creator of everything. ;)

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard ‘Tis my job, kind sir.

You know, I do believe the intestines cover about a mile when they’re not all scrunched up so it’s possible that….WAIT!!! WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO MY THREAD!!! Ga…gag…ga…gag!

Mmmmm….my baked potato is waiting. :-/

Whats WITH these giant poo tales..HOW can some people poo so much, what is the PROBLEM? Gah!

Okay..a few here may have heard this story before from one of @Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard‘s questions, writing a 2 sentence horror story. haha

This is a TRUE story.

I was camping with friends some years ago and several of us decided to make a beer run t the little campground store.

Driving along we came across a downed motorcycle and a man lying on the side of the road being attended by a ranger. He was covered with a blanket pulled up to his chin, but, was alert and talking. Thing was, right smack in the middle of the road was a HUGE pile of intestines and a stomach or liver or something!

My brain could not compute this scenario, talking man, oile of guts in the road…WTF!
It was truly a horrific sight.

Drove on with all of us flipping out over the senseless of what we witnessed…until…the return trip when, passing by the accident scene we saw a gutted deer carcass in the grass on the our side of the road!

Aaaah….so we weren’t crazy thinking HOW a disemboweled man could still be talking!

My friends and I found a dead body once. We calmly called the police and found out that It was a guy who had severe dementia and walked off into the wilderness on his own.

That’s about the craziest story I’ve got, I suppose.

@Coloma HAHA! That’s a great story!

@Coloma pic related

@KatetheGreat

That could be me in another 30 years, or sooner. haha
@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard
:-D

This isn’t so much a story as a weird chain of events:
Me- grew up in Clearwater, Fla.
The Guy- grew up in Deale, MD, but generations of his family were from Albert Lea, MN.
1988 we met in college in DC and sort of liked each other.
1991, we have a kid together then Crap-for-Brains disappears and runs away to Deale. A few years later he moves to… Clearwater. I go through several states until I end up near… Albert Lea.
Today- I work at the school where his mother/uncle/cousins graduated, in Minn. I live in the same town as his aunt. He lived on my old street and his other kids went to my elementary school and even had some of the same teachers, in Fla.
I learned all this after he finally talked to my son last year after 18 years.

@linguaphile….wow I lived in Clearwater for about 4 years when I was really little….

As you get older it’s crazy how you meet people, start talking, and then realize how many times your paths probably crossed in prior years or decades….

@Coloma That’s just too funny! There HAD to be something more than beer involved!

I grew up without ever knowing my birth father. I knew his name, and the circumstances surrounding my birth (one night stand, on a dare… mom a virgin, father engaged to someone else) for pretty much my whole life, but he wasn’t a part of my life at all. When I was 18, I decided to track him down so I could meet him and get some questions answered (mostly medical information). I mailed him a letter explaining who I was, and that I wanted to meet him. He called me (initially to try to dissuade me, but eventually agreeing to meet) and we set up a lunch date. He picked me up from my place of work… which just happened to be in the same industrial park that his own business was located in. One street over.

Over lunch, we discovered that we lived less than 2 miles from each other, frequented the same take out joint for lunch on most days, and shopped in the same grocery store. We had probably passed each other many, many times over the years.

None of this was in the town I was born in.

Wow..so do you have a relationship with him now Auggie?

I did develop a good relationship with him, his wife, and my half-brother (who was 7 or 8 when we met). It wasn’t a father/daughter kind of relationship, though, we were more like good friends. He attended my wedding, but my step-father (who I consider my dad) gave me away. He passed away many years ago, but he got to hold his first grandchild (my oldest daughter) before he died.

I’m glad, Auggie…

That I’m going to Pakistan on thursday. Insane, but true.
100 people died in result of shooting in the city we’ll be visiting…

Safe travels, @MilkyWay!

We’ll be thinking of you….

Please do :)

Take care of yourself over there sweetie; stay safe!!!!!

Does having to check the rim of your washing machine every day for hidden frogs count?

I just about bleached one tonight! They’re taking over, along with the lizards.

Which reminds of the time I used Astroglide to remove a lizard from a stack of flower pots that it ran into and got wedged into a hole. It worked like a charm! :-D

@Coloma Speaking of frogs…

Today I bought a bag full of salad veggies and found a FROG in it. It was dead! X(

@KatetheGreat

Wah! That’s crazy! Poor thing, chopped him up right on his lilly pad ey?

I accidentally put salad dressing on him. I didn’t even look at my food before I ate it. I would have caught some freakish disease!

I think he’d be best with Thousand Island. lolol

I just puked a little.

LOL

Once I found a rolled up Pill bug in a can of bean with bacon soup. It was a funny looking ‘bean.’ :-p Bummer too, ‘cause I like that soup, but never again.

I hate when things like that happen to good food.

Poor froggy. Poor Kate, too.

@KatetheGreat… You’ve been frowing up on here a LOT lately! Poor thing! Poor frog.