Social Question

poisonedantidote's avatar

How can you tell if a woman is just trying to use you or take advantage of you?

Asked by poisonedantidote (21638points) August 11th, 2011

When I was in my teens I had a few girls and a few girlfriends, as I got older, I had a couple of flings and a couple of semi-serious relationships. Then I got fat and stopped going out, and started spending a lot of time on computers, and for a few years, it was just me and the hand, just like back in the old days.

Recently I have been getting a lot of female attention, I get all kinds of comments on more or less a daily basis, from offers to go out and get a bit to eat all the way up to being bluntly offered sex. “Would you go out with me for dinner tomorrow?” and “How about going up to my room for a quikie” and so on.

This year I started a new job. I get paid so much now, that it would take 8 of my friends a full month to earn just one of my monthly wages, and that is before we even get in to tips, bonuses, commisions, and overtime. Also, I have recently lost a lot of weight, got a bunch of new clothes and a new hair do, and have even started using tooth-whitener like some kind of shallow tv personality.

Where were all these women a year ago when I was fat and broke? I can accept I’m more physically attractive now that I have lost weight and am starting to get some muscle deffinition going on, but the cash thing really worries me.

I’m not rich, I could perhaps become rich if I keep this up, but for now I’m just very very comfortable. While I don’t flash the cash, my new clothes and accessories make it obvious I’m not broke.

How can I be sure women are not just trying to get at my money?

Maybe I have low self esteem (I doubt it, but maybe)… I can accept that I look better now, but I can’t accept that I look so good that women can’t help but throw them selves at me. Surely they must be after my cash?

Do these people like me for who I am or what I have?

Working on stage has no doubt helped my confidence, if anything I am probably over confident now. So yea, I look better, but not exactly good, and I am very confident. Is this really enough to explain away how women have been acting around me lately?

I know I can trust my male friends, they were there when I was fat and broke. Most of them get to see me less now than before, and when we meet we usually just chill out without spending a bean, but how can I trust women?

Before feminists jump all over me for this one (you know who you are :P), I know guys could try and use me too, I know, but at the moment I have no reason to suspect that.

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26 Answers

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Very simple. If her conversations revolve around herself, then be prepared to be taken advantage of. If her conversations revolve around you, then be prepared to take advantage of her. But if you find a balance in her conversations between herself, you, and the rest of the world, then be prepared for an open mind with a decent heart.

Just let her talk. She’ll tell you everything you need to know.

woodcutter's avatar

If they are being over the top nice when it isn’t warranted. And if I know, she knows, I have something she wants.hint, hint.

chyna's avatar

If she wants to know what kind of car you drive, where specifically you live, where you hang out.
Then she is tryiing to figure out how much money you have.
But just because you are now getting attention doesn’t mean women are after your money. Just by looking at you, is there anyway to tell if you have money? Maybe they just like the way you look.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

“started using tooth-whitener like some kind of shallow tv personality”

Come on now… there’s nothing shallow about keeping the chops gleamy.

poisonedantidote's avatar

@chyna “Just by looking at you, is there anyway to tell if you have money?”

Without revealing too much, and making it look like im showing off, yes. You can tell by looking that I have some money. I stated getting nice things so I could impress more at work, but have also got a few things lately just because I liked them.


I’m in a strange in-between fase at the moment, no car, and I live in a regular apartment, but some things have been replaced.

chyna's avatar

Then I guess if you are dressing for success, you will have to weed out the women who only want your money. It won’t take you long to figure them out.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Basic training at the Ferrari dealership is to never base a persons wealth on how they look. Half the guys who walk in dressed to the nines are just window shopping, and half of the others can’t qualify for the credit.

The guys who walk in wearing ripped blue jeans and tee are the ones who pay cash and order a matching set of his and hers, even though they look like they haven’t showered in a week.

poisonedantidote's avatar

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies Maybe I should lose some of the flashy things?

chyna's avatar

Why lose them if you like them? Just be you. You can weed out the people that don’t care about you for who you really are.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Depends on if you want to attract a partner who is attracted to bling. No problem either way. Just depends on what you want to attract.

And don’t get me wrong. A lady who is attracted to bling can be a real fun ride. But I’d personally consider her more of a rental than a long term investment.

poisonedantidote's avatar

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies I want a wife and kids some day, perhaps someone more conservative than my self even. (not that it would be hard to be more conservative)

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Then become no less than the person you want to attract.

Cruiser's avatar

She won’t have an answer for meeting you in the future and that means she just wants to use you to suit her immediate needs.

mazingerz88's avatar

If after making love she opens her laptop so you could buy her something from the Internet, well…

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

There is a young man that moved in next door to me about three years ago. He’s buying his house and drives a newish Honda. Nothing flashy about him whatsoever. Very nice looking young man. Looks eerily a lot like you @poisonedantidote. Dashing looks in a humble and conservative package. Nothing over the top about him at all.

Well, after about a year, I noticed him hanging with a very cute young lady on a regular basis. This was odd because I’d never seen him with a girl before. This girl was extremely polite and in short conversations one could tell immediately that she enjoyed a very good upbringing. And honestly, she is just beautiful, far and away separated from the average club girls.

They dated for a long time and got to know one another very well. But I never noticed her spending the night until about a year and a half ago. No less than a week later did they announce their marriage, and they’ve been married just less than a year now.

It’s so wonderful to see them together. They really did it right. They spend their weekends landscaping the yard together and at least once a week they dress up real nice and go out on the town. They recently got a new dog Lilly and are learning the ropes of joint responsibility one step at a time. I have no doubt the couple will be pregnant with child by end of next year.

It’s so obvious what my neighbor did to achieve this. He sacrificed the need for immediate satisfaction in favor of pursuing the longer goal of having a real family. He put his money into a small starter house while the rates were good and fixed it up very nice for the wife he would one day have. The current house is not the final goal, because he’s recently began talking about renting it out. The starter house, the wife, the dog… all part of the greater plan. He’s on course and nothing will prevent him from achieving his goals. He accomplishes his goals because he’s made a plan. And excessive indulgence was never, and never will be part of his plan.

They are so happy together.

poisonedantidote's avatar

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies “Looks eerily a lot like you @poisonedantidote. Dashing looks in a humble and conservative package.”

Thanks, but youre still not getting any of my cash :P

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Well thanks. But it looks like you’ll be needing it. Sounds like you’re getting a plan together.

Do it right and make it good for you and all those in your future. Show the rest of us how to do it right. Not many of your ilk out there. They shine like diamonds no matter what they wear. A genuine girl can spot a real diamond a mile away. A genuine girl can also spot a counterfeit.

poisonedantidote's avatar

Something that is really getting at me…

I used to be more generous when I had less.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

The time for playtime generosity may be coming to an end. The time for setting great examples for other young men to follow may be on the horizon. Step up to the challenge as you approach your earning years. Do it right, and generosity from the past can manifest into philanthropy in the future.

blueiiznh's avatar

I am not sure why you are touting yourself like you are for the question.
That aside, you simply need to listen and watch her. It is not hard to figure it out if you are paying attention.
Things will focus on where you go and what you have as opposed to simply enjoying simple time and space together no matter where you are.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

the OP clearly stated that he was “probably over confident now” @blueiiznh

it’s not uncommon or out of line for a young man who’s worked hard to “tout” that success in triumph

blueiiznh's avatar

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies I applaude the OP for that. great job! It just feels odd as I stated based on the heart of the question.

linguaphile's avatar

@Poison, GQ! This has been a really enjoyable thread to read— I know the ‘right girl’ won’t care whether you have money or not, but will care about your ability to take care of yourself and your life. I wish you best of luck finding the right girl.

Pandora's avatar

When she asks how much money you have in your wallet, everytime she sees you.

Aster's avatar

Hard question. Maybe if she has the attitude, ‘we don’t need to go anywhere. Have any popcorn?” I think it might be a possible insurance policy against golddiggers if you find women who have as much or more than you have. Keep a modest car and apartment and that’ll help.

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