How do you control yourself when it is difficult? *See Details.

Imagine it being something that you are passionate about, or enjoy as incentive to impress upon you the perspective here where it might other wise be necessary to keep the peace. Something that just get’s you heated or is important to you

If possible I remove myself from the situation, and stay as far away as I can. If someone’s talking about it, I change the subject/find someone else to talk to, or leave. Can you do any of these things?

@snowberry Like I said, that’s why I’m here instead doing this… I should be calm in a few minutes. LOL This is me behaving myself on purpose… I don’t do that all that often. Something about you Jellies that I love. You guys bring out the best in me! ♥

Immediately makes me wonder whether you saw this on fluther… :P

@dappled_leaves No, no, not at all on Fluther. It was poetry related on another site.

I usually say it. I had to listen to a lady last night say that global warming was made up by Hollywood. I argued a bit then said, “We don’t have to worry. The planet has a way of healing itself. Usually it finds a way to purge the thing that is hurting it. It will purge mankind soon enough.”
My town is FULL of people like that!

@Judi ROFLMAO! That’s just funny! It’s a good thing you weren’t drinking anything… That one deserved a face palm!

@dappled_leaves “Like I said, that’s why I’m here instead doing this… I should be calm in a few minutes. LOL This is me behaving myself on purpose… I don’t do that all that often. Something about you Jellies that I love. You guys bring out the best in me! ♥”

It worked… I am no longer angered by that total noob to life itself!

Thanks Jellies! ♥

I try very hard to resist twitting the arrogant person.

Great example here by Wundayatta. It is difficult because sometimes it is necessary! But the trick is how you approach it. Anger is bad… confrontation is good, as well as necessary.

http://www.fluther.com/67132/what-have-you-hesitated-to-put-on-fluther/

Did I say that? Hmmm. I don’t think I’m quite so circumspect any more. Or maybe I edit more before I put anything down.

I really don’t like to hurt people, although there are times when an issue really does annoy the heck out of me and I decide to “speak my truth” even though I know some people are going to take it personally or misunderstand it completely.

On the anonymous internet, the only thing of concern is your reputation. I think one key to maintaining a reputation is to be level-headed. There are ways of saying things in an impersonal way, so that you deal with the issues and not the person. But like I said, even then, people will take things personally.

In then end, I think that you can’t let everything go just because someone is going to feel bad. I think it is possible to respect people even if they hold views that will lead to damage to others if that damage is kind of removed. Like people who advocate cutting the social security budget, or people who advocate magical thinking as a way of making important decisions.

Cuts in social security will hurt the elderly. That does not affect me directly, and since I’m not counting on social security, may never affect me that much. Should I hate the people who want to cut the program? Can I respect them even while hating the policy they believe in? Do I think they are deliberately malicious towards the elderly? If I were elderly, and my benefits were cut and I could no longer afford to stay in my home, would my view towards them be different? Would I take their view as personal animosity towards me?

And what about say a psychic reader? What if she advised me to do something like divorce a spouse and this threw me into poverty? Should I hate her even if she firmly believed the stars said to do this? Should I respect her and just hate her horrible advising skills? Or should I take it personally, as evidence of malice towards me?

I tend to take things personally. I do not consider ignorance of consequences to be an acceptable excuse. In such situations, I think a person is malicious, even if they can’t see it. Then it’s really hard to hold my tongue and I don’t even know if I should hold my tongue. I may be doing more harm holding my tongue for fear of a battle than I would be in speaking the truth and being sure of getting some shit.

I don’t, usually.

@wundayatta

“I tend to take things personally. I do not consider ignorance of consequences to be an acceptable excuse. In such situations, I think a person is malicious, even if they can’t see it. Then it’s really hard to hold my tongue and I don’t even know if I should hold my tongue. I may be doing more harm holding my tongue for fear of a battle than I would be in speaking the truth and being sure of getting some shit.”

Excellent points here thanks for the input as always!

How do I hold my tongue? I rarely do. If someone’s being ignorant, I don’t consider it bad form to respond to them. Weighing politeness vs. standing up for what’s right, I know what I consider more important.

“How do you hold your tongue when you see something so incredibly and amazingly ignorant that is at the same exact time so completely assumptive and arrogant that it practically begs you to tell it so? *Not here on this site, elsewhere…”

Actually @GabrielsLamb it happens here farily often. If you look for it, you can find it, but if you wait, it will eventually find you. When (not if) that happens, if you’re going to stay here very long, it’s simply best to avoid those jellies like the plague.

I think the answer is don’t hold your tongue. Say something and see what happens. See how it feels afterwards. Did you accomplish anything? Maybe you did or maybe not. That feeling will inform you more than any advice or supposition.

For me, the first decision point is about whether I take it personally or if it pushes a button. If that’s the case, then there’s not much to decide because I am already reacting. So I react, and then I evaluate that reaction later to decide whether it was justified or effective. It sounds like in your case, maybe you’re taking it personally, but you also are ill-equipped to proffer a measured response. You’re afraid of responding too much, so you opt for responding too little, which is why you’re in the midst of stuffing your feelings about the issue or venting to us.

It’s easier to respond if you don’t take others’ remarks personally. Then you see it as one of many harmless opinions. Surely you know of other espoused opinions that don’t ruffle your feathers, so why does this one? Probably because it stirs some reaction in you that has more to do with your own issues than with that other person’s opinion. Maintaining an awareness of this is one way to open the door to discussion. “When you say X, it disturbs me because [my experience].”

So how do you deal with an “ignorant” opinion that doesn’t ruffle your feathers? I would guess it’s a lot easier. Now you’re just probing and observing (assuming you haven’t lost interest). Have them explain their opinion to you and ask questions that help illustrate why you disagree.

As always the $64,000 question. Know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, know when to walk away, know when to run!”

I’m a live and let live type, but, I am passionate about dishonesty, abusive behavior, animal and human cruelty. Mostly I keep my ego in check, ask myself what I hope to gain from an encounter or confrontation, but…try to spoon feed me a steaming pile of crap with a sugar coating and I’m likely to blast you with both barrels. lol

Don’t even TRY to convince me that your excuses for bullshit behavior have merit. I’ll tell you straight up you’re a sick fuck! haha

It depends on the topic. Sometimes I will step in and say something, sometimes I decide it’s not worth the effort. One thing’s for sure – if I’m posting online at all, I am guaranteed to be calm and in control. When I get angry I won’t be anywhere near the computer.

@downtide

Excellent! Me too! I am very, very, careful to be aware of my emotional state and if I am not feeling my usually happy go lucky self, I hibernate so as to assure I won’t potentially “infect” others.

One of my “intolerences”...don’t take your stuff out on others. :-)

It’s not really a conscious decision for me. If I’m very angry I just physically can’t sit still. I have to get up and do something. I usually go outside for a long walk until I’m not angry any more. Then I will come back and post something.

I don’t. I just say. Sometimes I’m bad at it and misjudged. Who cares. Why not say it?
I cannot control this impulse. I say what’s on my mind even if I offend others sometimes. I excuse myself but still I have to say them.

@snowberry I’m honest, I have a really thick skin and I’m not afraid to laugh like hell at myself right along with everyone else when of course the slight is based on factual information or within reason… I know my own sin’s and I take my own lumps for them. I’m not afraid of that.

When people get rediculous, I’ll say so… I have always loved these people because they are always in the very least real…Not always perfect, not always right even but always real with and to themselves and that is important.

@Hibernate That’s why I like you! ♥

I try to think of the greater good that comes out of biting my tongue.