General Question

psyla's avatar

Why do people feel compelled to state their own sexual preference in all discussions about sexual preference?

Asked by psyla (2539points) May 12th, 2008 from iPhone

Whenever people discuss sexual preference why does everybody add a comment like “By the way, I’m not gay” to the end of their statement?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

71 Answers

jrpowell's avatar

Insecurity. I notice it too and it bothers me. First of all, I don’t care who you fuck. Secondly, I don’t care who you fuck.

I am straight. I do think a little girl-on-girl action is hot.

wildflower's avatar

I completely agree…..your orientation is irrelevant if discussing opinions. If the topic was actual experiences, fair enough.

jrpowell's avatar

I agree with wildflower. Sometimes it is essential information to have when offering advice. But, really, if you type “gay” you don’t need to follow it up with, “I am not gay.”

DeezerQueue's avatar

They provide it because it is their frame of reference. If someone attempting to make an argument (or presupposition) about homosexuality offers their heterosexual sexual frame of reference it gives added insight or credibility to their statements.

jrpowell's avatar

I see what you are saying DeezerQueue. I think the question was geared towards this.

DeezerQueue's avatar

It is his frame of reference, and it perhaps also speaks to his own fears as to how others may perceive him for being inquisitive about the subject. Maybe a good question on Fluther to ask is, “Are men afraid of being perceived as gay?”

psyla's avatar

Well, yes, of course thIs question came from that other question because it was so annoying to keep being interrupted while reading it by people throwing in their two-cents-worth about whether they’re gay or not. I don’t think that a person’s answer to a question should be more valid or more easily dismissed because of their sexual preference. Heck, why don’t we all state our sexual preference in all our Fluther answers so that people will blow off our answer based on if we’re gay or not?

jrpowell's avatar

He is afraid of it. Adding that info didn’t add anything to the conversation. I understand that if I answer a question about homosexuality I should disclose that I am straight. Since I don’t really know. I avoid those questions BTW.

It is similar to me helping diagnose your car. I know a bit about them but take my answer with a grain of salt. So I announce that I am not a mechanic.

wildflower's avatar

I find it sad that people are so afraid of perception (by complete strangers) on Fluther that they feel the need to make a point of it.
You guys can feel free to think I’m in to inter-species erotica for all I care. It doesn’t change my opinions or answers one way or the other.

psyla's avatar

johnpowell’s answer is excellent though I wonder if this opinion will be disregarded if I were to say that I prefer sex with rooted shrubs. If we all fear what other Flutherers think of us than we would all give the proper approved answer to all questions. Heaven forbid that we say what we really think. If I were a shrubophile, it doesn’t guarantee my knowledge in the area. We’ve all been ripped off by mechanics. Damn you, Meineke!

psyla's avatar

(Meineke is a muffler repair shop in the US)

peedub's avatar

It is annoying. To me it’s reminiscent of certain male acquaintances I have, that feel the the need to preface their positive aesthetic acknowledgements about other males by saying things like “I’m not gay or anything, but…is a good looking dude,” etc.

Personally, I would rather someone not know my orientation because,

a. It makes things more interesting
b. They might incorrectly pigeonhole me or my behavior based on only one (possibly small) factor that comprises my being.

BTW, I’m into 9 volt batteries, tree bark, and conch shells…

wildflower's avatar

This may just be my perception, but it seems like blokes are more afraid of being misinterpreted as gay than girls…....why is that?

psyla's avatar

Perhaps with heterosexual males, there is more of a perceived insult to be considered gay, than with females. Females, in other words, have less fear of being judged gay. This is probably due to the fact that females usually do not actively pursue males. Though you would think that perception & appearance would be more important to the more nonaggressive gender. wildflower, I promised to say something about beaks.

peedub's avatar

I guess, to some, being perceived as gay can be seen as a weakness. I would think it’s the stronger male who doesn’t care what others think and is confident with his sexuality enough not to feel the need to state such things.

simone54's avatar

You can all fuck yourselves. How about that?

wildflower's avatar

I’ll admit that given a lot of people’s perception of gay females, if someone assumes I am one, I can’t help but think I’m having a bad hair-day and/or forgot to put on make-up…...I know it’s ridiculous and gay girls put just as much effort in to their appearance as straight ones do.

Also, I have had the occasional exposure to fairly forward – pushy even – males and females…...I don’t know, it’s all a bit confusing. I just wanna be an international person of mystery , once that’s gone, it’s all pretty dull….

psyla's avatar

I infer that it is all the sickly weak males who keep repeating what their sexual preference is, in every comment that they make. I highly agree, peedub, very astute of you.

wildflower's avatar

@simone54
Is that your way of saying you’re not in to sexual experiences with a partner, but rather a ‘solo effort’?

psyla's avatar

simone54, the only way to do that would be to travel in time.

psyla's avatar

peedub, how come you are not smiling in your icon? Does it have something to do with beaks? BTW, does my icon look like Aloe or Cactus. And I forgot to add what my sexual preference is, to this comment.

peedub's avatar

It looks like an Agave, a blue one, not a Cactus.

You can’t see the beaks (or maybe you can) but they’re all around me. There’s one beakus next to my head.

jrpowell's avatar

haha

That was perfect peedub.

psyla's avatar

I would appear to be very wary if there was a beak right beside my head.

whatthefluther's avatar

psyla, I guess my eyesight is starting to fail me…I thought it was a cannabis leaf! And, I feel compelled to advise for the record, that I’ve been known to partake, but of course, I never exhale, I mean inhale. And, furthermore, I feel it pertinent to point out my sexual orientation as I did with the associated question that inspired your question: I continue to follow my heart.

psyla's avatar

It was supposed to be some sort of cactus, & peedub is probably right that it is an agave. I just realized tonight that it may be mistaken as hemp leaves for making rope! My original thoughts were that that leaves are serrated, like a beak, but not like Set’s beak.

peedub's avatar

No, it looks like a cactus. I was just hoping it was a blue agave because then you could make tequila from it some years down the road.

It’s a nice color.

psyla's avatar

But tequila tastes like garbage. I’d much prefer eating Camel Hump with whiskey.

psyla's avatar

(shoot! Forgot to tell what my sexual orientation was again!)

peedub's avatar

That does sound good. Maybe you can hang out inside the camel carcass and drink whiskey. You’ll be safe from sandstorms.

psyla's avatar

Yet I cannot remember actually ever eating garbage.

psyla's avatar

wildflower was saying that Camel & whiskey is a delicacy in Tehran, but I fear she’s gone to sleep & can’t corroborate this.

whatthefluther's avatar

Stick with the clear premium tequilas like Silver Patron. Cleaner taste and a friendlier hangover!

wildflower's avatar

I don’t go to sleep at 11 am very often…..and unfortunately I’ve never been to Tehran.

You’re an excellent word-mixer, aren’t ya? Now, if you could mix booze equally well, I’d make you my new best bud :)

peedub's avatar

Another tequila you can’t go wrong with is this.

peedub's avatar

Hey look, there’s whisky in there.

Riser's avatar

@Psyla: I respect your opinions, however if you would look at my post (in the offending question) they were specifically referring to homosexuality. An unpopular opinion in the gay community is the belief that one is not born gay.

If I were to answer a question “are you born gay?” with “I do not believe in genetic homosexuality” chances are most, if not all, would perceive me as straight and ignorant to the “truth” about that sexual preference, therefore I felt compelled to include, in my comments, that I am gay (forgive me for spreading my orientation, I am only using it to make a point) Suddenly the relevance of my question not only heightens, it also stimulates new debate/conversation amongst the collective (which is the goal of this website)

What intrigues me is how much emphasis is placed on sexual preference. You have one extreme that insists on pointing out that they are gay or straight and you have the other extreme that can not stand to “read” about people’s orientation. With that same philosophy, I could never mention that I am a writer, dog owner, motorcycle enthusiast or (as John pointed out) an auto mechanic.

Until the individual is willing to accept all opinion as equal; we will always have to separate ourselves and I don’t mean for “ourselves” to refer to “gays” but rather, we have to accept the truth that we are all biased, pandering to one stereotype or the other that requires validity from external and internal sources, thus my need to state my orientation and your need to state your distaste for someone’s choice to state that orientation.

We are all in the same boat.

Highest Regards,

Riser

psyla's avatar

It’s not 11AM, it’s 3:40AM. That camel is funny! Why is it that everyone always wants me to drink Tequila? If it wasn’t for the government’s UFO conspiracy, I’d think they were trying to silence me with Tequila, & I should add my sexual preference but simone54 never responded about the time machine to have sex with herself in the future.

whatthefluther's avatar

she probably can’t respond because she’s too busy doing it

wildflower's avatar

since I have 11.47 and you 3.47 am – maybe we’re all caught in Simone’s time-machine??

peedub's avatar

Maybe she’s gnawing on some exotic Korean BBQ.

…getting her beak wet, so to speak.

psyla's avatar

riser, I have no distaste for hearing about someone’s sexual preference, it’s just distracting to be following a dialog where the thought-flow is perpetually interrupted by someone, again, repeating endlessly what their sexual preference is.

whatthefluther's avatar

was it as good for you as it was for me?

wildflower's avatar

actually, I believe I saw simone point out in another Q recently that she is actually a he , so maybe he’s just exceptionally ‘gifted’

Riser's avatar

@Psyla: And I was not attacking you personally, that is unless of course you’re gay. Well, are you? :P

psyla's avatar

Let’s stay on topic here & talk about your icon. As I’ve said before, I have a tendency to interrupt every thought I have with claiming what my sexual preference is. I suggested earlier that I might be a shrubophile but I fear that this would be even less acceptable than being into inter-species erotica. So I’d rather hear what everyone else’s sexual preference is before I start describing my own much further than I already have.

Riser's avatar

Well… I am a cinesexual first and foremost, followed closely by a sickly desire to make love to a piano.

My Porn

psyla's avatar

Cinesexual, is that a form of cynical sexuality?

Riser's avatar

well.. I am definitely a cynisexual as well…

no, a cinesexual is someone who would have sex with a movie, if it were possible.

whatthefluther's avatar

OK, I’ll guess its time to out myself. My sexual preference is hot and wet and sticky. There…you have it!

psyla's avatar

I can’t believe you’re actually sexually excited looking at riser’s picture of a Grand Piano….

Riser's avatar

That’s not just a piano, that’s a Bosendorfer model 209 with 9 octaves range…. besides, it’s German which mean it’s well strung… ok Jesus, I’m resorting to pun… I must go to bed before I ruin another sentence.

psyla's avatar

Everyone’s bailing on me. At least every other thought refers to one’s sexual preference.

Riser's avatar

I used to have a thing for a stand up bass, but then I saw a picture of my grandpa playing one and it was an instant turn off… but the piano, even watching Condoleezza Rice play, I still wanted the piano in the most unholy of ways.

psyla's avatar

Yes, imagining one’ grandfather’s sexual preference could be quite disturbing. I think I’m bailing out on myself seeing as it’s noon in Ireland and I hope that wasn’t taken as a statement of my sexual preference.

Riser's avatar

I’ve been to Ireland so I’m going to have to say “yes” it absolutely was.

peedub's avatar

Pianos are fucking hot.

wildflower's avatar

by noon you haven’t had time to have anywhere near enough guinness to think about sex…..besides, it’s time for mass :P

psyla's avatar

OK, so, sleeping when it’s noon in Ireland is a sign of one’s sexual preference? And in Ireland, we cannot have sex until after we drink Guiness and go to mass. I can understand the sex with movies, pianos, & rooted shrubs, but I don’t see how the noon hour in mass after drinking Guiness would indicate any sort of sexual preference.

wildflower's avatar

yea, I don’t understand Catholicism either….

psyla's avatar

It sounds less like Catholicism and more like an ancient forgotton pagan sex ritual of some sort. Sort of on the lines of shrubophilia or sex with beaks.

wildflower's avatar

But sure it’s a vicious cycle type thing: going to mass makes you thirsty, so you drink guinness, start jumping around like a certain Mr. Flatley and his unearthly legs , end up doing the wild monkey dance with an innocent bystander and then have to go to confession and/or mass…..

whatthefluther's avatar

Back to that piano…http://youtube.com/watch?v=glru4Q19Jyc

psyla's avatar

Now I’m going to have real pleasant dreams. Those unearthly legs are hypnotizing me…. ZZZZZ….

whatthefluther's avatar

late to bed…early to riser

wildflower's avatar

Think I’ll go mow that tall grass now…..see what alien beings are hiding in there…

whatthefluther's avatar

careful around the trees….you know those tree penguins…

delirium's avatar

I find that metafilter question that JP posted to be incredibly hot.

But i’m not gay.

or am i….

Neurario's avatar

I will sometimes state my preference if it would help to understand my standpoint on the matter. It may not always be necessary, but I have a need to get that out of the way, because people will end up questioning me later if I don’t.

By the way, EXCELLENT thread guys.

Violet's avatar

I don’t see why that is a problem at all. If we were having a conversation about gender, it would make sense to say if you were a man or women. If we were talking about marching in a pride parade, or voting on gay marriage, I would like the gay community to know, as a straight-ish woman, I support gay marriage, adoption rights, health insurance, etc etc

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