Social Question

KatawaGrey's avatar

Do you know someone who's either never had a relationship who can't keep a partner and you're honestly surprised?

Asked by KatawaGrey (21467points) December 22nd, 2011

I’d like to present a foil to this question which is about people who can’t understand why they’re single despite an obvious reason.

So, Jellies, are you baffled by someone’s continued single-hood? I recently met a guy who has never had a girlfriend and I cannot for the life of me understand why. I asked him about it and he claimed that he just always falls for the wrong girl. At first, I thought that perhaps it was because he was a hardcore geek, which is possible, I suppose, but he is one of those who we in the geek world say can “pass” for normal on the outside. He’s a good-looking guy, very friendly and personable, funny, kind and has good social skills unlike most of us geeks :P yet he has never had a girlfriend. I am truly baffled.

So, Jellies, do you know anyone like that? Have you ever talked to them about it? What did they have to say about it?

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17 Answers

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

I have known people like this, and in my experience it usually boils down to a (very well camouflaged) fear of commitment on their part.
I’m not saying that is true for everyone in this situation, but it does seem to happen a lot. And, then there are the truly great people who just date asshats.

KatawaGrey's avatar

@ANef_is_Enuf: Hahaha, I fear I may be an asshat-dater, though their asshattery is always covered up until we’ve been dating for a while. O.O

That fear of commitment thing actually makes sense. I told the young man I described in my details that I liked him and he sort of textually sputtered. He claimed that this had never happened to him before and sort of flapped around a bit until we established that it didn’t have to be awkward. Still, it just makes no sense to me that he never even had a high school girlfriend or anything like that.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

@KatawaGrey it’s okay, I’m a recovered asshat-dater. They are sneaky.

The fear of commitment is just something that I’ve observed over time. At least one person that I have in mind, who I have been very close to forever and ever, always sabotages his own relationships. There is nothing inherently wrong with them, and overall he is an amazing person… but I think deep down he just isn’t there. I don’t know if it is feeling undeserving, or fear of being tied down, I can’t speculate that far into it.. but I’m pretty sure that is at least part of it.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Wait, how is this a different question? Someone help.

JLeslie's avatar

I don’t know anyone like that.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir It is different because this question is asking us if we can’t figure out what is wrong. The other question asked if it is obvious to us what is wrong.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir my question was about whether or not you recognize the reason a friend or loved one might be single, but they don’t see it.
This question flips it by asking if you know someone who is often or usually single, and you can’t figure out why.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@JLeslie @ANef_is_Enuf Oh man, thank you – I’m quite sick today and my brain isn’t working well. @KatawaGrey I guess I know people like that but not exactly – that is, they’re with someone but I can’t figure out why they’re with that person when they absolutely deserve to be with someone greater.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir honestly, when you asked, for a second I couldn’t figure out why they were different questions, either. And I already answered it. I think this virus is eating my brain.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@ANef_is_Enuf Actually, it’s quite contagious

Kardamom's avatar

@KatawaGrey If the word asshattery is not currently in the Fluther lexicon, please make it be officially so starting right now! I love that term!

ohVaNiLLaGoRiLLa's avatar

I do know a guy like that. He has gotten with girls before and is not a virgin but has never actually had a girlfriend. I am not sure what to make of this because to me it seems like he has had unspoken relationships. It is a little strange.

beckk's avatar

Honestly, I am that person; I’ve never been in a relationship. Having said that, it doesn’t really bother me. Finding a boyfriend has never been my top priority, I’ve always been more concerned with other things in life.
Also, I know a guy whose has never had a girlfriend. It doesn’t seem to bother him either. I don’t know that there is one particular reason why he has never been in a relationship, but I’m sure he could find someone easily. He is very kind, generous, sweet, goodlooking, etc…

Male's avatar

I know a few people that have never had a relationship in their entire life, but I’m not surprised.

A close buddy of mine is 21 and he’s never had a girlfriend before. He’s lonely from time to time, but it doesn’t really seem to bother him at other times. I encourage him to go out and meet some people- hell I’ll even do it with him, but he’s just too afraid to talk to girls. He’s the type that would no matter what wait for the girl to make the first move, or approach him, but has been unsuccessful for 21 years so far. I wonder when he’ll learn the lesson.

JLeslie's avatar

I would say anyone under the age of 24 is exempt.

cookieman's avatar

I knew one girl like that. With her, it came down to expectations. She was a lovely girl (fun, educated, family oriented) but she doesnt like to work and is a bit of a princess.

She wanted a guy who was:
• good looking
• family-oriented
• loved to cook
• educated/worldly
• made lots of money

Needless to say, she had no luck finding this fantasy guy.

Finally, at almost 40, she meets a great guy with everything on her wish list except…he has an average job making average money.

But they dated, she fell in love, they’re married now with a kid. But she has to keep working so they can survive.

Sometimes people’s expectations are just unrealistic.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Of the people I’ve known or know now, none of them with bf/gf “issues” surprises me.

Paradox25's avatar

It is much more difficult for a great looking guy to snag a girl than an average looking girl to land a guy from my experience and the reasons are very obvious as to why this is. I do know of a few girls in this situation but they make little effort to get a guy. However I know many more guys in this situation than girls. I know of guys in their 40’s, 50’s and 60’s who never even went on a date, let alone experienced a relationship.

I can’t speak for women as much but when it comes to men you become set in your ways after a period of time so the longer you go without a woman in your life the less likely you are to get motivated to change your ways. Some of these guys are happy and some aren’t. Also some guys I knew finally met their love and got married (after a life a singlism) well past 40 so I don’t know.

There are many myths about men. Not all men are as ‘visual’ as other men when it comes to women. There are men who need the emotional connection as well with a woman, even initially. Another thing here is that not everybody will take to you regardless of whether you are good (or great) looking, have a respectful career, have a good personality along with decent social skills. Relationships take a two-way effort to formulate, even at the initial stage and very simply not everyone gets that connection, vibe or effort reciprocated back from other people they try to get close to.

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