Social Question

wundayatta's avatar

What mode(s) of banter are you good at?

Asked by wundayatta (58625points) February 15th, 2012

Thorninmud wrote, “One thing that seems to set introverts apart from extroverts is that introverts aren’t adept at—and so really have a distaste for—this kind of language-as-social-lubricant thing. Introverts tend to only want to speak when they really have something to say. But that doesn’t keep us from secretly envying extroverts for their ability to banter, because we do see how that strengthens social bonds.”

It made me wonder what you (and you and you) do to strengthen social bonds in conversation? Do you have any particular style of banter? Do you rely on certain techniques to build rapport with people? What are they?

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19 Answers

CWOTUS's avatar

I’m into badinage.

Try saying that in a noisy bar to a drunk person and you can get into serious trouble.

janbb's avatar

Ooh @CWOTUS, tie me up!

Mamradpivo's avatar

Self-deprecation, definitely. Lightly mocking the other while strongly mocking myself. It makes me feel like I’m immediately accepted.

tom_g's avatar

I am definitely an introvert, and have little tolerance for drivel when I am in a social situation. I have found that a one-on-one conversation that is honest and substantial is where it’s at.

Or getting on a fluther soap box.

sleepdoc's avatar


Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Flirting, sarcastic banter.

Blackberry's avatar

I don’t really know. Sometimes I can do the banter thing, but other times I’m quiet unless we’re talking about something with more substance.

wundayatta's avatar

What is banter?

SpatzieLover's avatar

@wundayatta Ex: ”Hey wundy. How ya’ doin’ today? Love to see your cheeks around these hallowed halls.

TexasDude's avatar

Flirtation. Rapid-fire literary, historical, and cultural references. Sometimes both simultaneously.

Coloma's avatar

Oh lord, I’m a highly extroverted and humorous type, I can get a laugh out of the most curmudgeonly and stoic types. Maybe not a rip roaring, teeth baring, belly laugh, but, the plaster cracks. lol

Yesterday a clerk I am friendly with at a local hub was telling me he had a wild dream the other night, I started talking about a dream I had and several people in line were cracking up and one young guy actually followed me out to my car and wanted to hear the rest of my wild dream. haha Too funny, yep, I can hold a captive audience with ease. ;-)

SpatzieLover's avatar

<raises hand> I want to hear about the dream.

Coloma's avatar

@SpatzieLover It was a doozy, I dreamed that when I opened my garage door about 10 leopards came rushing into my kitchen. THEN…—far too much to go into but… a group of strangers were painting murals in my house, with all the leopards lounging around and they told me my house was going to be a new art gallery. On and on it went, with various new characters coming into my house, It was very cool, but since I am a lucid dreamer I kept thinking, “yeah, this is interesting but it’s only a dream. lol—

SpatzieLover's avatar

Awesome dreamin’

KoleraHeliko's avatar

I’m quite adept at speaking with people. It just becomes exhausting after a minute or so.

bkcunningham's avatar

I ask a lot of questions.

Berserker's avatar

I don’t have anything. If I’m with friends, I won’t shut up, and it becomes natural and not something that feels like I need to concentrate and hold on to, whether I enjoy it or not.
With strangers, I don’t engage in conversations if I don’t have to, and keep it minimal, usually with every response I say having that terminal point to it. I don’t do it on purpose though, I’ve tried to carve out my socializing skills, but it never works, and I always find myself avoiding it, almost seemingly against my will.
Sometimes I can do it though. Have lengthy and fun conversations with unknown people, but this is usually in spontaneous conversations where everyone gets interested in the subjects being discussed, instead of the forced ’‘hey man, the weather’’ or the whole ’‘bar scene’’ thing. Again, it just happens, exactly like when I shut myself out of conversations; it’s like I have no control. It feels really awesome though, getting into big interesting talks with people when it’s totally unexpected. Guess I miss the element of balance to actually even answer this.
Yeah, banter. I have no skill, unless you count my god like ways to dismiss someone asking me if the bus went by yet. Would I be waiting here if it did? Jesus. XD With that said, that doesn’t mean I don’t know how to strengthen social bonds with people I know and care about.

But now it has come to dawn on me that I don’t know if you’re talking bout strangers, or people we know. But as I say, with people I know, it’s easy and I don’t have to think about it. Whether we start by saying silly shit, asking something serious, making funny noises…the whole social foreplay thing doesn’t seem to be registered.

ddude1116's avatar

I’m definitely more of an introvert. I can’t hop into a conversation, let alone start one, which isn’t about something I deeply care about. However, if I’m pulled into a conversation, I contribute to the best of my abilities, for instance, by somebody random. But I’m most at ease, as far as language is concerned, either with friends or with a pen and paper and thesaurus, for it takes a lot of exposure to somebody for me to feel at ease ranting about films they’ve never heard of, or the random tid-bits I pick up from anywhere.

lifeflame's avatar

It really depends on the type of other person.
If they are listeners, I tend to open up.
I can be witty and funny; often in a dry way.

Or I tell stories.
The good thing about a funny story is that it doesn’t hang on a single punchline.
The thing is with pulling out my repertoire of funny stories is that I feel that it’s kind of in the past, so I’m not so interested in repeating them just for the sake of getting a laugh or havign people think I’m cool.

If I’m with a rampant extrovert who likes talking, I find it effortful to compete. In which case, I steer the conversation with questions and establish rapport by listening.
In a crowd where people are jostling for the floor I stay kind of quiet… it takes too much energy to shine.

I’m terrible at flirting and wouldn’t know where to start.

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