General Question

Jude's avatar

If someone often tells the world how confident they are, are they really?

Asked by Jude (32098points) February 17th, 2012

Needing to say it over and over, are they’re looking for a reaction or trying to prove something? I could be wrong here.

I have seen it here on Fluther, and, I’m just trying to understand it.

I like quiet confidence.

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28 Answers

digitalimpression's avatar

Quiet confidence is superior, I agree. In fact, it’s downright sexy. The people who say it all the time have confidence too I think, but saying it just makes them even more confident.

Jude's avatar

“The people who say it all the time have confidence too I think, but saying it just makes them even more confident.”


wilma's avatar

I always figure that very strongly professed confidence is really arrogance.

Coloma's avatar

Usually yes. People that are truly confident don’t feel the need to boast. It shows all by itself.
In the same way that those that are constantly talking about how “good” and “caring” they are are usually the worst for using their idealized self image of being “good” as a means to secure a sense of self esteem, control others in codependent ways and their “giving” is often self promoting and not of a genuine nature.

Truly confident and “good” people do not need a steady stream of kudos to draw attention to themselves.
In the same way it is widely known in psychology circles that the more self righteous and “moral” one often claims to be that often they are, the very offenders of morality.
The “hang ‘em high” mentality usually is a cover up for their own unsavory deeds they need to project onto the world and others as absolution for their own denied breaches.

digitalimpression's avatar

@Jude Yeah. Really. Perhaps its a bit of a “power of positive thinking” type thing.

@wilma has the best answer though.

marinelife's avatar

I would think they doth protest too much. I see no reason to say aloud that you feel confident.

thorninmud's avatar

It’s pretty much expected of people who aspire to any kind of leadership position. If you want people to follow you, you had better become adept at projecting confidence.

Personally, I’d prefer to follow someone who knows how to doubt, but that doesn’t seem to play well with the general public

Pandora's avatar

I think it depends. You may see it here on fluther because the question may be about confidence. Without visual cues it is difficult for the person to elucidate that the answer may be coming from a confident person with experience. Are there ways to do it in writing without having to say it out right? Sure. But its simply more efficent to say it than to give tons of examples that a visual cue can give in 5 seconds.
By the way. Quiet confidence on fluther would mean barely no answers. How many times have I’ve seen a person post a question for someone to simply just write yes or no. That is quiet confidence, but then people will stop asking questions because it feels more like a poll than an actual well thought out answer.

SpatzieLover's avatar

It’s ego driven behavior.

cheebdragon's avatar

Everyone is cool on the Internet. If they were that cool in real life, they probably wouldn’t be on the Internet.

blueiiznh's avatar

IMHO people who are truly confident do not need to advertise it in an unsolicited fashion.

gailcalled's avatar

People who show rather than tell tend to fit the bill best.

tinyfaery's avatar

OMG. Cheeb didn’t whisper.

Anyone who constantly claims to be anything is full of shit, in my opinion.

YARNLADY's avatar

Sometimes things get repeated on Fluther because each question/comment is treated as a one-time event.

CaptainHarley's avatar

Confidence, like courage, is established by behavior, not bombast! : )

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SpatzieLover's avatar

This thread reminds me of this site.

Bellatrix's avatar

I would say if we are talking about in a face-to-face situation, no. Confidence is usually fairly obvious in the way people engage with their environment and others. They way they walk, speak and interact generally.

In a situation like this, we have nothing but words. So it is likely in certain situations that a person might respond by saying they are confident. I still think confidence is likely to show through in people’s answers, but there would be questions here where people ask for responses that require people to be more direct.

Blondesjon's avatar


<— confident

Paradox25's avatar

First of all who would be considered a ‘confident’ person? Would it be the nerdy guy who sucks with women, the big bad alpha male who has little problems getting women, the isolationist whom is only interested in their hobbies/careers, the hermit, etc? To me there is no such a thing as a ‘confident’ person because as individuals with different interests and values, we all have our things that we shine in when compared to others, and our things that we feel uncomfortable doing.

Second of all is confidence always a good thing? I doubt it though we need to have it to a reasonable degree. I know that in my line of work where at times I’ve worked with voltages as high as 13,800 being too confident will get you killed. Self-esteem is much more important than confidence and personally I think that anybody who would brag about how confident they are must be extremely lame whether they are or aren’t, and again I would ask “confident in doing what”.

How can you be a confident (which means nothing more than the belief that you or something will succeed) person? Even the nerdy guy who is always putting himself down likely has his areas in life in which he/she truly shines in, though they may be very different than that of Mr. Alphamale. Alphamale, another oxymoronic term. To be honest though I don’t believe that I’ve ever seen anybody brag about how confident they are, but it is extremely frequent that I see people bragging about their abilities relative to certain things.

Pandora's avatar

@Blondesjon You can add me to that too.
I can imagine what threads on here would be like without a little less ego.
Well maybe you should go to the doctor for your depression.
I wish I could tell you yes, or no but I too lack confidence.
I wish I had an opinion but I have to check with other people first and then get back to you.
I have no idea why your a doormat, “oh, got to go, my boyfriend says I had my 5 minutes on line and that is all I’m allowed.
Or a sales pitch. I am confident you will enjoy our product. Now the other approach. I think you will enjoy our product. Yes, commercials should adopt that second pitch. :P

rooeytoo's avatar

@marinelife – great answer and I completely agree.

@cheebdragon – that is true too!

It reminds me of the perfect family scenario. People claim to have them on the internet but are they really that rosy in rl???

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Cabopp's avatar

If I would make myself the example in the question, I answer with this: If “I” was telling the world that I am confident over and over, I would be projecting to the universe an “affirmation”, or that I no longer am lacking confidence. In one of the courses I took, I learned that by stating a “positive” thing to the universe (God, Mother God, Spirit, Jesus, etc.) to replace a negative and BELIEVE it…. I know that what I am asking for is mine the moment I ask. I must have complete and utter faith and know that I will “receive” what I ask for. If you constantly tell yourself or the world (universe) that you are confident, eventually your subconsious picks up on the thought and replaces your lack of confidence with complete confidence. This would work for just about anything that you would personally want to make better about yourself. So, back to the question: YES, by repeating it over and over to the world – your subconscious mind receives the thought and life goes on. In my opinion I see nothing wrong in trying to be a better person and if repeating it so much that you become a true believer of what you are saying – good for you! You can google “positive affirmations” to get a better idea of what I am babbling on about!

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