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AnonymousWoman's avatar

(NSFW) How can I stop being afraid of birth control?

Asked by AnonymousWoman (6520points) February 20th, 2012

I grew up in a home where I was taught that birth control is evil and immoral… and that it’s a way of testing God. I was also taught that people who aren’t married… don’t have any business having sex… and that people who don’t want children don’t have any business having sex… or being married.

Condoms haven’t made me feel that great for a long time, and although I’ve done sexual things with guys who have used them, they make me feel bad… and gross. It ruins the mood for me… because of how they feel… and also because of what I associate condoms with.

This doesn’t seem fair. Why did I have to be taught birth control is evil, while it seems like it’s the easiest thing in the world for many other people to use? They can just use it so naturally like no big deal and I just… can’t… without feeling guilty… and like a horrible and disgusting person/sinner.

If I start taking birth control pills, I’m afraid of my parents finding out… by chance, or by accident. I’m terrified of making a Doctor’s appointment about this because I’m afraid of them finding out about that, too. I have the same family Doctor as my parents, so that association makes me feel weird as well…

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16 Answers

partyrock's avatar

I’m the same way, kind of. I was on birth control for a while, but I haven’t for about… maybe almost 3 years ? ....

I don’t want to get back on birth controls again, ever really..

I hate the feeling of condoms and they do ruin the moment… Remember the Aries guy I told you about? We use condoms, but because we’re not exclusive, and it’s safe against STD’s. Obviously not all, but safer than being on birth control and NOT using condoms…

With my other ex that I was with for 1 year and half we never used condoms. I think we only used condoms like 3 times when we were in the beginning of our relationship…

partyrock's avatar

Legally it’s your business since you’re an adult, but if you’re parents are strict about it and religious then I can see where it would be hard….. Me and my mom were always open about it and she actually always made me take my birth control so that I wouldn’t get pregnant. And use condoms and stuff like that…

partyrock's avatar

But if birth control pills were evil and immoral then technically so would condoms AND THE pull out method, AND masturbation lol…....

partyrock's avatar

I don’t take birth control pills not because of religion or anything like that but because I hate being hormone fake synthetic stuff in my body… which I probably do already with junk food and polluted air, etc..

You shouldn’t feel guilty at all girl. You are protecting yourself from getting pregnant. And condoms do make me feel gross too, and icky and yucky.. It feels better without them but then again you have to be careful about STD’s.

What I would suggest is if you do, you should hide them as best as you can…...

and do more soul reflecting so you don’t feel guilty, even thought you were brought up that way by your home.

auhsojsa's avatar

How can you stop being afraid of birth control pills? Think of it as an alternative to having a kid. Birth control pills are a good excuse for men to “go inside” and that practice tends to be hard to give up. That’s a negative of it. It’s not testing God. Fighting a virus with medication could fall into that same category. Look, if you’re going to keep having sex, with different men, you need a condom at all times. Birth control is good as wel.

MollyMcGuire's avatar

Go see another doctor. Have the shots instead of taking the pills. You sound so confused that I wouldn’t advise you to do anything really other than try to find your own philosophy for life, get yourself self sufficient, get away from your parents, and live your life according to your own definitions and interpretations of right/wrong.

marinelife's avatar

1. Go to Planned Parenthoood and get the pill.

2. Do you live with your parents? If not, do not worry about them finding your birth control.

3. Every time you start to think that birth control is evil (by the way you seen to have overcome the sex is evil thing). think about the problem of unwanted pregnancy.

Sunnybunny's avatar

You could go to a gyno instead of a family doctor. You need an exam to get a prescription anyway and plus you won’t be going to the family doctor. If you are an adult and have your own insurance there’s no reason you can’t go to your own doctor. If you can drive yourself there even better because no one has to know. It’s your business.

As for getting past the feelings associated with what you were raised to believe, that is just going to take time I think. Look at the world around. What seems right to you and what seems wrong? What does your own heart and mind tell you? Imagine your life as your parents taught you and if that doesn’t feel right to you then you should find your own way.

GladysMensch's avatar

It’s a simple as this: if you’re too afraid to make responsible decisions regarding your health, then maybe you’re not mature enough to have sex. But then again fear is often caused by a lack of knowledge. So here you go:

First off, using birth control is not a sin. It is never directly referenced in the bible. Genesis speaks of Onan being put to death by God after using the withdrawal method. But his death can also be attributed to being selfish and not wanting to split his inheritance with any offspring. However, wearing clothing made of more than one type of cloth and eating shellfish are explicitly forbidden in the bible. So, wearing a poly/cotton shirt while eating lobster for dinner should upset God more than using contraception.

Secondly, do you use seatbelts? Do you brush your teeth? Do you wash your hands after handling raw meat? I bet you do, because these are the things responsible people do to keep themselves healthy. And using contraception is no different.

Finally, you’re an adult. Your body is your business, and your parents have no say in what you do with it. They might not like it, and they might not agree with you, but you’re a big girl now and your life is your responsibility.

tranquilsea's avatar

I can see how you may be afraid of your parents finding out. Who needs that drama? I agree with @MollyMcGuire go see a different doctor and get the shots. Then your parents won’t have to know…unless it gets paid through their insurance.

IIRC you’re in Canada aren’t you? If so, doctors are forbidden from sharing that kind of information with your parents. Not that that information would be helpful if they did find out from him/her.

wundayatta's avatar

One way to look at this is to compare the cultures you are a part of. One culture is traditional from South Asia, and the other is a much different Western culture. In your father’s culture, women are still kept away from men in many places. There are still honor killings for women who have shamed their families. Your father and mother have these values, even if they do not live in a country that shares those values.

Do your parents’ values make sense for the world you live in? Well, you must straddle two cultures. You must please your parents because you love and respect them, and yet you must also find a way to deal with things they teach you that do not fit in with the culture you now live in.

It is normal to feel torn in this situation. You want to be like most people you know, but you do not want to disappoint your parents. However, your parents represent the past and your friends represent the future.

You want to move into the future while maintaining ties with the past. You want to explore your social and sexual life as your friends are doing and you also want to maintain your parents love and respect.

Can you do both? Well, if you can keep your modern life secret from them while pretending to be a good traditional girl, then perhaps. But as you know, that carries a risk. What if they find out? What will happen then?

What if the worst happens? I don’t know what you think the worst is, but I imagine the worst being they kick you out so you are forced to live on your own and earn your own living and they refuse to talk to you again. Could you survive if this happens? Could it be even worse? Would your father subscribe to the honor killing ideology?

Lets believe that his values have been changed by his life in the new culture. How much have they been changed? Is he trying to marry you off now? Are they arranging a marriage for you? Or will they let you find your own match? Will he think of you as damaged goods if he knows you are sexually active? Will he think he can’t marry you off? Does he have a dowry for you?

My advice is that you assume the worst happens. You get birth control and you get caught. Think about what will happen. Will you be thrown out? Or will you be kept, but your freedoms vastly restricted? Can you live with either situation?

If you can, then what are the chances of getting caught? Do you think you can keep your private life private? Let’s say the chances of getting caught are 50%. Is the happiness of having sex with your lover(s) worth it? What about if you only have a 10% chance of getting caught?

Now let’s say his reaction will not be so bad. Is the love thing worth it?

Now add in the calculation about how long you will continue to live at home before you move out? Can you postpone your sex life until you are out of the house? Where will you go to university? When will you graduate and get a job and support yourself?

You have a cushy life at home and you don’t want to give that up, and yet you want the freedoms you would have if you lived on your own. You have the middle class strict upbringing dilemma.

Many girls I knew had a similar dilemma when my parents were your age, here in the US. Let met tell you this. Most of them who got pregnant or caught or whatever, caused a lot of drama in the house, and yet, years later, it was past people. Usually, when people make mistakes, they get forgiven after some years go by, or after an heir is born.

The key is to not really fight your parents. Always show them respect for their values, even if you do not share those values. Tell them you respect their values. Don’t tell them you don’t share their values. That’s not their business. Maintain good relations with them. So if you should ever anger them, you have the best chance possible to fix it.

Then I would hold off on sex until you get out of the house. If you can’t, then I would look into other forms of birth control that aren’t the pill. Those may not be against your father’s views. Also, they do not have as much evidence for what you are doing. If you must have the pill, then see another doctor if you can, or if not, see your family doctor. Well, maybe not. I don’t know the law in your country. In the US, they are not allowed to tell the parents if you are over 18. I don’t know what the story is where you live.

But is the risk worth it? You can have a lot of fun with a guy without having intercourse. You can do all kinds of other things. Maybe hold off on intercourse and let things go on as they have been. There is always the day after pill, as well.

creative1's avatar

Ok then don’t think of condoms as a means of birth control but a means to prevent disease since you have a higher risk of getting std’s without them. You then are just looking at it from a different standpoint, kind of like washing your hands to get rid of germs so you don’t get sick.

Sorry your parents put this in your mind. How about thinking of it in another way of looking at birth control? God wouldn’t let it be made possible if god didn’t want people to use it. Over population wouldn’t be a good thing for the planet, why would God want that??

SomeoneElse's avatar

My take on birth control is that God gave us the ability to ‘invent’ it, so it is really not evil, is it?

thesparrow's avatar

@partyrock Ya, everyone uses that line ‘oh, well you put junk food and chloride into your body, which is synthetic’ but I still honestly have something against birth control. It’s not remotely religious.. I just don’t WANT to take them. Very simply. I don’t even know if it’s about the side-effects and all of that. I just don’t want to.

I feel like condoms are still 98% effective and pulling out, if done right, is effective as well. I know people who use even that method of BC and are not pregnant. And I don’t know WHY all of this synthetic BS when all you have to do is either use a condom or, if you really don’t want to, make sure you are pulling out at the right time and make sure you pee before you have sex. Just be informed. Birth control pills are not at all 100% necessary for the functioning of human life.

augustlan's avatar

@thesparrow Pulling out is not remotely as effective as condoms or birth control pills. There are active sperm in pre-cum. Please don’t rely on this method.

thesparrow's avatar

@augustlan There have been studies done to show that it is extremely hard to get pregnant unless the guy actually comes inside of you, but you’re correct. There are SOME active sperm in it. However, generally, I think I shouldn’t have been posting that kind of information online because I don’t want people to use pulling out.. My BF and I do it SOMETIMES (and I mean, when I’m not ovulating) and he is very good at actually pulling out long before he orgasms. But for many people it doesn’t work.

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