Social Question

browneyes's avatar

I missed my interview and if my mom finds out why, she'll KILL me... what do I tell her?

Asked by browneyes (133points) March 16th, 2012

I was supposed to have a group interview at Bath & Body Works today. I had a panic attack about it (I have awful anxiety) and missed it. My mom doesn’t understand my anxiety at all and she’ll KILL me if she comes home from work and finds out I didn’t go to the interview. I hate lying and I almost never do, but I have to lie about why I didn’t go. Please don’t tell me not to lie; I know it’s horrible, but my mom is horribly verbally abusive. What do I say? Help, please!

Also, PLEASE don’t tell me “Tell her the truth” or “Try and make her understand.” I’ve tried to make her understand for YEARS. She’ll never get it. She’ll be FURIOUS (Like terrifying) if she finds out why I didn’t go.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

34 Answers

chyna's avatar

Can you call and reschedule the interview? Tell them there was a mix up in your schedule and you were unable to make it. Then you tell your mom it was rescheduled.

Aethelwine's avatar

I think @chyna has a wonderful suggestion. I really can’t think of any other excuse that won’t look like an excuse. Parents are really good at knowing when their children are coming up with excuses. Don’t forget, we (parents) were kids once and made up excuses too.

funkdaddy's avatar

You’ll get through this and there are other jobs out there. I don’t know if we can help you come up with a “good” lie to tell your mom. It seems that you were anxious about the interview, and now you’re equally anxious about not going.

There has to be a better way and if your mom can’t help you find it you may need to work towards that yourself or find someone else who can help you. Are you in school? Is there someone there you could talk to? A counselor? A teacher who cares?

Would there be another job that wouldn’t make you as anxious? Perhaps try to find a better option for you and start on that path. When your mom asks, let her know you decided Bath & Body Works wasn’t a good fit but you’ve got something set up with <new job>.

Your mom may not understand what you’re going through, but I’d guess she’s not going to be upset because of this one job, she just wants to see you moving towards something and making the effort. Try to do that in a way that works for you.

Cruiser's avatar

My 15 year old son was recently diagnosed with severe anxiety issues I as his parent honestly had no idea just how much he was struggling with. I do recall him saying he did not want to disappoint me and kept it all in until last fall when he had a massive panic attack and became suicidal. I empathize with your struggle and can only urge you to be open, honest and above all forthright with your mom over your panic attacks as from what I have learned they only get worse and not better if you do not get help with what you are going through.

Blackberry's avatar

Just reschedule, bro.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Sorry your mom doesn’t get your anxiety. Many parents fail.

SpatzieLover's avatar

If you are this anxious about an interview for B&B, how would you do at a retail mall job each day? Can you actually handle being in front of that many people and do a job?

I think you may need to get some help from a counselor or a therapist to help you choose a job more suited to your actual abilities.

I don’t know how old you are, but you need help explaining your difficulties to your mom. If she is verbally abusive, you may need an adult to help explain your situation to her. Do you see a therapist?

SpatzieLover's avatar

One more thought: Have you ever written down how you feel in a letter to your mom?

Some people are better able to process the written word than they do with the spoken word. It did help a few times in my teens to write my mom the feelings I needed her to hear.

john65pennington's avatar

Call and re-schedule and tell her that your meeting is tomorrow. This is telling the truth and you will save yourself a mouth chewing.

Cruiser's avatar

@john65pennington Companies have these cattle call interviews just for that reason. There are way more applicants then they need and that also removes the need to reschedule appointments. Most of these group interviews are a one shot opportunity.

SpatzieLover's avatar

Also I think this type of work is ALL WRONG for someone with a known anxiety problem. My husband was promptly fired from a mall job as a teen. He’d panic when customers needed assistance :/

Aethelwine's avatar

@Cruiser I didn’t know that! I haven’t worked retail in over 20 years. :/

I agree with those who said that retail might not be the best position for you to seek. Lawn and garden or nurseries are in full swing now. Maybe that would be something you could try out? You get to take care of plants instead of demanding shoppers. just a thought

SpatzieLover's avatar

I agree @jonsblond. Either lawn & garden, animal work, cleaning or as an assistant for someone in a small office or home setting all can be good for those with anxieties. Any job where people are taken in small doses.

JLeslie's avatar

I am going to be the mean one here. Your anxiety might very well stem from avoidance. Avoiding the interview, avoiding your mom. Your mom might be the main problem, I don’t know, her temper may have created your now automatic reaction to situations where you are anxiety ridden. I am not just saying suck it up and deal with it, I know the anxiety is very real, not just in your head, but also physical for you, scary, but the more you avoid situations the more anxious you will be. It sounds like a lot of your anxiety is anticipatory, which is veru common, and probably the worst kind. Getting all worked up about what is going to happen or could happen, and it is probably usually way worse in your mind than the actual situation.

Reschedule if you can. Do it. Call and ask. If you can’t you can’t. Making that phone call to reschedule could solve your problem, or it might not, but you must try. I assume you are afraid to even make the call, but make it. They are nobody to you write now, it can’t get worse with them, pretty much you already feel you have screwed up the interview, so what if they actually say to you, “sorry you missed your chance.” They possibly will let you interview again. If you don’t want the job, you can do the interview and still turn it down if you get the offer. You are in control. The best thing will be if you do get to interview, it will be practice interviewing. That when when you interview for something you really want, you will have learned where you have failed to have an answer previously and be more prepared.

I hope you are in therapy with a good therapist who can teach you steps to face situations that you are fearful of. Anxiety is the worst. I have been through times of high anxiety it was awful, absolutely awful, I have a tremendous amount of empathy for you.

In the end, I think you will have to tell your mom the truth, because even if you lie, she will probably think you are lying. If you can get that second chance to interview, you can either tell her the interview day was changed, which is only a half lie, or tell her the truth, and that you overcame your anxiety and called and rescheduled.

Your mom is most likely extremely worried about you more than anything. She loves you, and probably desperately wants you to be better. She just doesn’t know how to make it better.

JLeslie's avatar

I am on the assmption the OP wanted to apply at Bath and Body works because he/she likes the store. I think it could be wonderful working there for the OP if she loves the products.

Aethelwine's avatar

@JLeslie I wanted to be a travel agent because I’m a geography nut and I love traveling. The thing is I like road trips and traveling within the US. Once I worked as a travel agent I had to be enthusiastic about selling cruises and trips to Cancun and Vegas. I hated it. The OP may like the products but the actual job may not be the right fit for the OP.

SpatzieLover's avatar

Yep. My husband was fired from Babbages. He loves electronics, games, computers-etc! He could not do software and people at the same time. It just threw him over the edge. I don’t believe anyone should set themselves up for failure. My husband suceeds at server/IT work when it involves minimum human interaction. There are people made for retail (I am one of them). I am never anxious in front of people

JLeslie's avatar

@jonsblond But how will the OP know until they try? Your example shows it is difficult to guess until in the situation, especially when we are young. Making mistakes and learning to how to accept them and move on to the next thing is what gets people to where they want to be. I wish I was better at it than I am. The most successful people I know do not fear failure or making wrong decisions. They move forward.

JLeslie's avatar

@SpatzieLover But, the OP has not said they are not good with dealing with people, she might be very social. You are making an assumption based on your husband’s anxiety, we don’t know exactly what the OP fears.

browneyes's avatar

@JLeslie You’re right, I have no problem dealing with people. It’s just unfamiliar situations where people are judging me that send me into a panic.

marinelife's avatar

I am so very sorry that your mother is hard on you about your anxiety. She has no right to be that way.

I understand that if you are living at home you have limited options. Would there be any way that you could talk to a counselor at school about it and your mother’s attitude about it to see if you could get some adult intervention? Or do you think that would make it worse?

Consider going to the drugstore and getting Calms Forte. It is S7.99 for 100 tablets at Vitamin Shoppe or GNC, a little more at the drugstore. It is a completely safe, all-herbal anti=anxiety medication (ignore that it says sleep aid). Take two daily and two before bed and see if it doesn’t take the edge off of your anxiety.

JLeslie's avatar

@browneyes I understand. Really I do. I think working at a store in the mall could be fantastic for you, give you more confidence. I loved working at the mall, I had a lot of fun, I was good at it, and I liked having my own money. Do not beat yourself up about missing the interview. Promise me you will try not to. This is your chance to just do the next thing. Call and see if you can reschedule, if not, apply somewhere else. Just doing something, anything right now to overcome your mistake will be fantastic! Something to feel very proud of. No one is judging you, this is about you going after what you want.

SpatzieLover's avatar

@JLeslie For the record, my husband is great at dealing with people, just better at it in small doses. He’s had other “public jobs”.

Many kids/teens I’ve taken care of aren’t anxious unless they feel put out there. For that reason, they chose sports and jobs that involved teams, not singular positions

JLeslie's avatar

@SpatzieLover When I worked in retail, I felt part of a team. Sure there are individual aspects about the job, but there are in sports also.

Esedess's avatar

Just tell her you didn’t get the job.

Cruiser's avatar

All these great answers and I am the only one to give this kid a GQ….just saying

JLeslie's avatar

@browneyes I want to help you more with a retail interview. I don’t know exactly what you will be asked, but here are some pointers.

The qualities they will look for is:
Someone who smiles
Sits/stands up straight
Likes to stay busy, an old retail saying is “if you have time to lean you have time to clean.”
Doesn’t mind being interrupted, can do two things at once
Likes to help people
Loves the products sold in the store (better if you can say you use them yourself)
Likes to exceed expectations and goals.

If you are asked good qualities about yourself, integrity is always a good one to mention (I assume you are honest and trustworthy even though you want to know what lie to tell your mom :)) and then come up with your own one or two more.

They may ask you to name a negative quality about yourself, or something you need to work on. You can say that you are a perfectionist and generally are very determined not to leave a project until it is done. Or, that you put a lot of pressure on yourself to be the best. Something along those lines.

If they ask how you will sell something, or how you invision the job: say you would greet all customers, and then ask them “open ended questions” to determine what you can show them. So you know open ended are question that can not be abswered with a yes or no. Asking, “are you looking for anything in particular today?” Is the kiss of death, because 90% of the customers will say no, and then boom the conversation is dead. If you ask, “what products are you looking for today,” they cannot as easily say no. Or, if they are already looking at bubble bath, you can just start talking about the products. That is another key part of selling: strong product knowledge, knowing the features and benefits of the product and being able to overcome objections. If you can talk about the benefits of the product it will help sell, knowing how they smell, if they are moisturizing, etc. Overcoming an objection would be like if someone was concerned about something being expensive (that is their objection) you might say, “you only need to use a pea size amount each time, so the tube should last 3 months.” Something like that.

You also would suggest products to increase the amount of items per transaction, to make the sale bigger and help the store acheive the sales goals.

Ok, that’s your sales training. It applies to all sales, not just Bath and Body Works. I hope ot helps you feel more confident about what you need to know and what will be asked in the interview. Let us know when you get a job.

Bellatrix's avatar

Try to reschedule but more than that find someone to talk to about your anxiety. If your anxiety is stopping you doing things like this, that is a concern. Perhaps talk to a school counsellor or make an appointment to see your doctor. Your anxiety is affecting your life. Even if your mum doesn’t get it and how bad it is, you do and you deserve not to feel this way.

flutherother's avatar

Interviews are Hell. I can’t stand them and they make me very nervous. I think most people feel this way, but you could use your anxiety as a motivator in preparing for the interview. Learn about the company and anticipate some of the questions you may be asked. Think about what you will wear at the interview and let your mother see that you are making an effort. I think rescheduling the interview is a great idea. What is the worst that can happen?

filmfann's avatar

You can tell the truth, which will piss her off, or you can lie, which will make her more angry.
You could also avoid her, go to BB&B, and reschedule.

Sunny2's avatar

It’s not a lie because it’s true. As @Esedess suggested, tell her you didn’t get the job. From what others have said, I think you’d be safe to say that there were tons of people there and the interview was short.
Take @JLeslie‘s advice to heart. It’s a wonderful list of suggestions and you’d do well to follow them next time around. There will be a next time and you’re going to do it right and GET THAT JOB!

Bellatrix's avatar

Please do try to get some help with your anxiety though. From your post, it sounds like this is not an isolated case and I am sure there are things you can do to help you cope better. I hope so anyway.

likipie's avatar

I hope everything goes/went well for you.

Answer this question




to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther