Social Question

mambo's avatar

How do I let him down easy? (Details inside).

Asked by mambo (2749points) May 8th, 2012

I have recently acquired a phenomenal boyfriend; he makes me happy and I love to spend every moment I can with him. However, one of my best friends is a guy. We were once “friends with benefits” but we decided to let it go. Last time I snagged a new beau, he cut off all contact with me and didn’t talk to me until that relationship was over. Now, I am stuck hiding my relationship from him just to keep him as a friend. I really don’t like living this way. I wish he would just be happy for me, but he believes he can’t be my friend unless I am single.

How can I let him down easy and still be friends? I don’t want to break up with my boyfriend just to keep a lasting friendship.

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6 Answers

tedd's avatar

You crossed the bridge into relationship status when you hooked up, it’s difficult to cross back and doing so takes time. He won’t be just a friend for some time, and that is an issue you’re stuck with for the time being.

Just tell him flat out that you are dating this new guy and you don’t plan on dating him (the friend).

In the future if you have any real interest in the friend, and things don’t work out with the current b/f… I would suggest giving him a swing. Best Friends tend to make amazing partners.

marinelife's avatar

Just tell him that you really want to keep him as a friend, but that the sex is over. You cannot make him be friends with you. perhaps he has stronger feelings for you than friendship.

Just be honest with him and ask him to be honest with you.

SuperMouse's avatar

Tell it like it is. If he wants to remain your friend he will, if not he wasn’t much of a friend to begin with. When you cross the line and become “friends with benefits” you are taking the chance of something such as this happening.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

He’s the one who needs to learn to share. Tell him you hope he won’t be amiss as with your last relationship and leave the ball in his court. If he truly is willing and capable of a platonic friendship then he has to change his behavior. That you two were once FWB’s isn’t a kiss of death, genuine friends try flexibility and change to keep each other.

blueiiznh's avatar

This is a sticky situation for many reasons.

Once you crossed the line of being FWB, you each have to have super human powers to not have it slip back there. This makes it difficult to have any lastling relationships with him still in the picture. Is he a FWB guy in between other guys?

I am unsure that any new beau is going to be able to deal with him still being in the picture if he knows all the details. It is a huge red flag. Your new beau does not have to know all the specific details of your former history, but if you have him still as a best friend then the question is highly likely to come up somehow. You are hiding it now, so that means you are going to lie to cover it?

What happens when this best friend finds a girl of his own? Do you think his new girl is going to be ok with him having a close friend with a girl he was a FWB/FB of?

Maybe your new beau actually has a friend who is female who he was (is) a FWB. Is it ok for your new boyfriend to still hang out with a girl he was involved with in the FWB/FB way? What if he was and didn’t tell you (hid it) and you found out?

IMHO, you are complicating things and not being fair to your new relationship or yourself. You need to determine what you really want. Just know that you may not be able to have your cake and eat it too. You may end up with neither.

I think you can figure out what the best answer is.

Only138's avatar

You gotta do what you gotta do. This guy will figure it out….sooner or later. Who knows…it may even help decide what worth he brings to the equation.

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