Social Question

minnie19's avatar

Do you believe in love?

Asked by minnie19 (435points) July 8th, 2012 from iPhone

If so, can you describe it?

I personally don’t. Never worked for me, and now it’s too late since I learned the real/tough way.

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21 Answers

Aethelwine's avatar

I love my husband, family and children. Even a few friends. I can say I love my husband more today than I did when we first fell in love 21 years ago. I can’t describe it. You just know it when it happens.

ETpro's avatar

Absolutely. Anyone who has been in love with their mate, their children or pets knows that love may be an emergent phenomenon arising from the human brain or from the spirit if you wish, but once it emerges, it’s real.

What is it? A feeling of selflessness. A sense that life isn’t complete without the love object, and that if there were no other way, you’d sacrifice yourself to ensure the survival of the object of your love.

Kardamom's avatar

@minnie19 Just because it hasn’t yet worked out for you, doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist. If I recall, you are quite young. Why would you assume that it’s too late?

There are plenty of people, even some on Fluther, who didn’t find the right person until they were in their 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, 60’s or even older. Some people were married, then they found themselves divorced or widowed at an older age and still met someone that they fell in love with (who loved them back).

Also, if you’ve had a mad infatuation with someone who either didn’t love you back, or loved you for a little while and then cheated on you or dumped you, then you are still reeling from the pain of rejection, but if you base your whole life on that incident, or a series of them, then you are in fact creating a situation for yourself where you won’t find love. Maybe because you won’t be willing to ever give anyone else a chance from this point forward because you think “all men are alike” but that simply isn’t true. Even the small amount of men on Fluther (compared to all the men in the world) are very different from one another. Just ask them!

Also, if you allow yourself to continue to be morose and make blanket statements like Never worked for me, and now it’s too late since I learned the real/tough way. Then again, you are setting yourself up for failure, because no man wants to go near a woman with that kind of attitude.

Another thing that younger people tend to do (before they figure out that they have a pattern) is to fall for men that are very similar to the ones that broke their heart in the first place, thus setting up another path to failure. Some women are drawn to hot looking guys others to bad boys others to un-available men. If you keep trying to love and be loved by men like that, then you are once again, setting yourself up for failure. You have to be able to assess men for who they really are and not just for their excitement factor when you first meet them. Although there are some men who are really good looking and also have all the qualities that a woman should want, like honesty, integrity, intelligence, and compassion. That’s kind of like getting a two-fer.

Women (and men) also need to look for people who share common interests and values with them. No matter how hot a guy looks, or how perfect he sounds on paper, if you don’t have many common interests or shared life goals and values, then the liklihood of that kind of couple staying together, happily, is almost impossible.

Also, some people, who start out as friends (even some people in arranged marriages) end up falling deeply in love with the other person, over time. Sometimes infatuation comes and hits us on the head like a ton of bricks, but sometimes love creeps in on little cat feet.

The other thing about love and relationships is the fact that you really need to put yourself out there (and I don’t mean on Facebook and anonymous dating websites) I mean you have to go where there are males, but not just anywhere, and not just any males. You have to go places where there are men that are engaged in activities that are interesting and important to you. And know that you might have to meet a lot of fellows and kiss a few toads, before you find one that sticks. But when you put yourself out there, you can’t go out there as a desperate person or a person desperately yearning for love. You just gotta go and talk to people (males and females alike) make friends, join in, and enjoy the activities and be a regular person. Don’t be a gal on the prowl.

Again, I’m very concerned that you seem to have a slightly warped sense about sexuality, relationships, how men are and about love. Why do you think this is so?

marinelife's avatar

Yes, I do. I live it every day. I love my husband and he loves me. We are always thinking about each other. We want what’s best for each other. We are best friends and lovers. We have so much fun and laughter together. Don’t give up.

josie's avatar

Love is the emotion that people feel when they confront something or someone that represents their highest values.
What is not to believe? It is clearly there. Think of how much literature, painting, theatre etc has been devoted to the topic. Isn’t that sort of like saying “Do you believe in air?”

Blu's avatar

(Un)fortunately, yes. What does it feel like? Hmmm… To me, it’s like the ocean, you can describe it with so many words but still only capture so little of it, but I’ll give it a shot.

To me, love feels like I can utterly and thoroughly trust that person, that I am willing to do just about anything for that person, that I can just be with them, talk to them, just know that they’re there and feel content regardless of what shit the world is throwing at me. It also feels like utter and complete loss, a missing piece of yourself, devastating pain, anguish, and heartbreak. Is it worth it? That’s up to each and every individual. I’m partially envious of your disbelief.

FutureMemory's avatar

Of course.

Don’t give up.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Of course I do. I feel it for my loved ones daily. It feels like a lot of intense things – sometimes it’s about fearing they will die and your life will never be this good and your heart will burst…sometimes it’s about the little things, the looks, the hugs, the kisses, the embraces…feeling lucky and appreciate of what you have…sometimes it’s about heartache.

Adagio's avatar

Could you explain what you mean by “Do You Believe in Love”?
Do you believe that love exists?
Do you believe in love, as in do you believe that love can last or do you believe that someone really loves you when they say they do?
Or something else entirely, could you clarify exactly what you mean.

serenityNOW's avatar

Yes. Without a doubt.

Hmmm, to describe it – if it’s reciprocal, then there is dependability, honesty. A feeling of warmth and comfort. In this case, I’m thinking of a family member, but this can easily translate to a romantic relationship. I suppose communication is a big one, in dealing with a boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse, etc. Not going to bed angry. That sort of thing. With my closest friend, I tell people I would take a bullet for him; I would. And I love him.

However, when it’s unrequited, it’s an awful feeling. You’re in love, but it’s like hugging a brick wall. Or, you were in love, but things got messy in the end. It’s okay. Consider it a learning experience, or an experiment, if you will. I understand that you’re probably feeling devastated right now, but the truth is – you’ll bounce back. And, even if you write off love, someday (soon) it’ll hit you over the head with a sledgehammer, whether you like it or not.

Just stay positive, and patient, and you’ll be fine.

minnie19's avatar

The reason why I don’t believe in love in the same sense as many is mainly belief and rational based. Not much to do with experience.

I only believe in love as in a sickness.

Although I do believe in getting along with people and really enjoying their company. :D

minnie19's avatar

Kardamom, I don’t know why you’re this concerned. I’m quite relaxed. I just enjoy asking questions and getting the full opinions of others. I’m not suicidal…

stardust's avatar

Yes! Never give up.

DigitalBlue's avatar

I don’t believe in romantic love, per se. I believe that budding relationships have a lot of chemicals and hormones swirling around that are intoxicating and feel very good, but I do not personally consider that to be really “love.” I believe in a strong bond with others, which is my perception of “love,” I connect it with a sense of family. If I love you, I feel toward you as I do my family. Not in some unusual, incestuous way, clearly different relationships have different boundaries, but the emotion feels the same to me.

athenasgriffin's avatar

Yes. Though mine is tragic.

I still have hope, though.

linguaphile's avatar

My life hasn’t been easy—I’ve been knocked down more times than I care to count, and I still believe in love.

I believe there are different types of love—you can love many different people in different ways and to different degrees. I love my kids but one’s 20 and the other’s 9, and I do love them differently. I have friends that I cherish with my life—and probably love much more than I love certain family members. I do love detachedly too—when I taught high school, I loved my students but in a very detached, caring way. “Love” is a very ambiguous and tiny word for such a large, complicated and fluid concept.

Kardamom's avatar

@minnie19 What I’m worried about is that you don’t see love and relationships and people of the opposite sex in a normal, healthy way. You say that you are an adult, but you don’t seem to have a grasp of how normal adult relationships work, and we’re trying to help you sort that out. Isn’t that why you’ve been asking all of these questions about these topics?

It appears that you are headed down a path that could potentially lead you to physical danger at worst, or at best (if you could call it that), you could be missing out on a fundamental part of human existence, love.

Also, because this is Fluther, you are free to disregard any answers. But if you ask questions, you will get answers. Some you will like, some you will not like. That’s how Fluther works.

minnie19's avatar

Kardamom, I also care about each answer and yours included. If you met me in real life, you would think you’re glad people like me existed. I’m not an egoist but I know how most 20 somethings are these days around my environment. I do seek help and answers for particular fields because I have a curiousity to even understand/analyze someone more than he/she does herhimself. My career is in that way too. But it’s more of a character thing. So I do know the obvious about men and relationships. I know a lot. But yet I want to know more than what random person does. I think you may have thought I am too naive and clueless in these subjects… I can understand why :) I’ve been asking in such air of emptiness and curiosity. But now at least I tried to explain why. I like to go deep down. I already know the major and simple things like everyone else. But I like to dig and see why and how of my interests :)
But you’re lovely. Thanks for the concern. I completely understand why you thought.

Keep_on_running's avatar

Yes, but I don’t believe it is easily reciprocated and that is the worst part.

Paradox25's avatar

There is only one type of true love in my opinion, unconditional love. Everything else, including many romantic encounters, are nothing more than infatuations based upon certain conditions being met during a certain period of time. When you unconditionally love somebody, you never stop caring about them. I suspect that the relationships/marriages that do last were probably the result of both parties unconditionally loving each other.

Don’t fret though, and I knew of guys (the nicest guys that you could ever know) that didn’t even date, ever, and didn’t get married until they were in their 50’s and 60’s. Many people are relationship needy as well, while others just want to put a show on for others to see. Don’t let others pressure you into being the type of person that you don’t want to be. The key is to be happy with yourself first, then it usually starts to come together.

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