NSFW - Do you regret waiting?

Absolutely do not regret it. One of the most difficult, but ultimately most rewarding decisions I’ve ever made. Of course, it will be next to impossible to convince people of that these days. To that I can only shrug and be happy anyway… well happy as possible considering my mistakes.

Imagine the gift of your entire sexual experience being with one person.. and theirs with you. As a matter of fact… my life took a turn for the worse when I betrayed this moral. I’d do anything to have this gift back again.

I regret waiting simply because of who took my innocence and the entire situation surrounding it. I wish I had given it to this sweet boy I knew when I was 15.

No, and I’m still waiting for the ‘right’ person, so to speak. I’ve seen many others do the exact opposite of me, and regret that greatly as well. There is a huge difference between doing what you want to do vs doing what others expect of you.

@digitalimpression I agree.

I have one such relationship that got fast and furious that probably shouldn’t have.

I have regretted when I found out years later that a girl I really liked wanted me to make the first move and I didn’t because I thought it was too soon. That happened a lot when I was younger.

I don’t regret having sex with any of the women I had sex with later.

When my female friends and I were about 16, we were all gathered together for some function. The topic turned to sex. Two of the girls that had steady boyfriends admitted that they had gone ‘all the way’. What they described did not sound pleasant in the least, even though they agreed to it.

The first time I had sex was many years later. It was with someone I cared deeply about at the time, and it turned out to be a pleasurable experience. I have no regrets about waiting.

No, I wish I had waited longer. Doing it with a random person is not recommended.

Yes and no. By the time my first time came I was ready, willing and enthusiastic. So that was good. On the other hand the reason I waited as long as I did absolutely wrecked myself esteem and stunted my ability to be emotionally intimate with people I was interested in. Specifically I was raised by a really Christian mom in a pretty Christian southern town where all of my sex education came from people who didn’t want to deal with the possibility that at some point teenagers, sooner or later, would be having sex. It mostly consisted of Christian propaganda about the ineffectively of condoms at preventing STDs and a particularly gruesome video of diseased penises. Consequently I was paranoid about my lady junk.

At some point in highschool I became convinced that I had caught some sort of STD. Mind you I hadn’t actually had sex or engaged in any sort of activity that could conceivably land me with such a thing, but I didn’t know better. They were telling us we could get pregnant from toilets seats after all. Full of pointless shame I mustered all my courage and told my mother my concern. She told me I was fine. Just like that. Didn’t ask me about why I thought I was diseased or anything. As far she was concerned I was too good a daughter to have such a thing. I may have known fuckall about sexual health, but I did know my mother’s high opinion of me would not protect my nethers for communicable diseases.

Unfortunately I’d spent all my courage telling her and I didn’t have anything left to push further let alone any idea as to how to handle it without her. In college I finally got my first pap and it took several trips to the gynecologist to convince me there wasn’t a dern thing wrong with my nethers. Thanks a lot.

So actual first time: just fine.
Several years of sequestering myself as a sexual pariah: worst ever.

On the plus side there isn’t a person in the world that can convince me that medicine and health has anything to do with morality. I really hate people that think the HPV vaccine encourages promiscuity. It prevents cancer. Stop freaking out about the prospect of girls at some point having sex and start freaking out about something that deserves it. Like cervical cancer.

I do, actually. The only person I have been with is my husband. Kind of wish I’d had a little more fun before settling down, now that I don’t have that religious monkey on my back. Okay, maybe a lot more fun.

Oh well, there’s always early widowhood, right? ((please, please be aware this is a total joke, I love my husband dearly))

@Seek_Kolinahr there’s always polyamory.

Isn’t there, though? Must find way to broach this conversation.

Maybe start here?

OMFG. That’s awesome. I’ve found my new desktop image.

I regret being a good Catholic boy. It has f——ed up my sexual/love life in a few different ways.

When I was younger, I did have a regret or two. Only because there were times when friends would talk about their new encounters and I would remember and miss how it was all exciting and new at the beginning of our relationship. But I would also realize that for me the falling in love part is what really made the sex extraordinary. And luckily you can always spice things up. Knowing that the person that holds me in his arms is the person who swore to be with me all of my days is really hot. Being with a guy who just wants to shoot his load off and move on to his next conquest, isn’t quite romantic. So no. I have no regrets.

I decided not to lose my virginity until I was in love. I was 19 years old when that happened and I don’t regret waiting (or who I lost it too) at all.

I’ve been following this question with interest but just now as reread the details I noticed that you said “People who have delayed sex “and all sexual acts that go with it ””

I think some other people also missed this and just answered the question as if it concerned only the loss of virginity. To me, there’s a big difference in my answer if it includes waiting to have any kind of sexual physical intimacy at all vs. just holding onto your virginity until you meet the “right one”.

I think much depends on how long you wait and if you are completely celibate or allow some “making out” and “fooling around”. There may be people who tell you that the feelings and temptation to “go all the way” are so powerful that you or he may not be able to control yourselves, you may get “carried away” on a tsunami of sexual feelings. It happens all the time, so I can’t say they’re wrong to tell you that .Ultimately you have to know yourself and you have to trust him and his level of respect for you and the limits you put on the relationship. He needs to be a man who knows that no means NO! And you need to be a woman who doesn’t say no when you mean yes, or “try to convince me”. I wouldn’t say it’s wrong to try to convince you, It may be a decision that you arrive at together. But that decision should not be made whilst in the throes of passion and it should be when you are both emotionally, physically and contraceptively prepared for it.

I myself was very sexually curious but didn’t have a boyfriend until I was 16. We played around kissing and making out but never got naked with each other. I loved the feelings and yet I didn’t have trouble saying no to having intercourse and oral sex. I don’t think I was ready and I was very romantic and wanted to wait for the “right” one. Actually, I think I wanted it to be the “right” moment and thought that would make it special.

Once I got to college it wasn’t long before I gave up waiting. I didn’t even tell my new boyfriend that I was a virgin. I think it was some sort of rebellious rejection of the whole big deal that was always made about it. I saw it as a part of the Madonna/Whore dichotomy which I flatly rejected and resented even though I was a virgin. Because I knew in my heart of hearts that I wasn’t about to wait for “the one” to have sex. I was too curious and too horny, lol. It became sort of a self fulfilling prophecy. I didn’t make a big deal out of it and so, when it happened, it wasn’t a big deal. I wasn’t even very in love with him. I was in like with him. He had dated my roommate in high school but she didn’t care, that was all over. I think that’s why I trusted him so quickly that she could vouch for the fact that he was a decent sort of guy (not that I couldn’t see that for myself, but appearances can sometimes be deceiving.).

And that gets to one of the main points that I have to make. Trust is key. Respect is key. Funny how the word I chose there was “key” because it aptly symbolizes the idea that you, as a person, are opening yourself up to him, and in order for this to happen, he needs to have the right set of keys. Often people focus on the wrong things in my opinion. Is he cute? Is he fun? Do my friends like him? All that is well and good and if he is to be husband material there are many other things to consider as well. But the thing you have to decide, and you and only you “can” decide, is what you believe about the meaning of sexual intimacy. What do “you” need in the way of physical affection in order to feel happy and content. Sexual experience will change you and if it’s a good experience it will become a part of you and your history of your life on earth. It’s a special connection. You may choose to have it with only one person and hold out waiting for that person and always wondering afterwards if you could have done better or if other men are different. I don’t think, in fact I know, that it’s not only men who want to experience sex with more than one person. I don’t call it playing the field because that has such a negative connotation. It can be exploitive and end up with notched bedposts, little black books with starred ratings and regretful and embarrassing mornings after. I don’t think anyone relishes the latter.

I don’t regret not waiting. My first time was not very exciting but then, I know many people who say the same thing. I had read enough to know not to expect fireworks and instant karma the first time. It may be that waiting for someone more special would have made it better emotionally, if not physically. To me virginity was just a technicality and not a priceless jewel to be bartered and hoarded. Don’t for a second think that this means I devalued my self or my body though. I simply was impatient to wanted to experience life and all its myriad wonders and sex was a part of that.

There is one thing that may have inched me a little closer to not waiting. I started college about a week before my 18th birthday. As a matter of fact, my birthday fell during orientation week. We hadn’t even started classes yet and I went out with friends to the campus Rathskeller. The special that night was Blackberry Sours. It was my birthday so a couple people bought me drinks, of course! I met a guy there and we left together. Here’s where the having self control part comes in, lol. We went to his room and fooled around. I wasn’t extremely drunk, but admittedly, I was feeling no pain. I let him undress me and he undressed too. He was an athlete on the soccer team so he was short but had a really nice physique. We lay in bed together naked and we played around, like I said, but it didn’t go any further than that. We fell asleep. I will never forget what a revelation it was to feel a man’s naked body next to mine. It was a feeling of physical comfort and the sensuous touch of skin on skin….it was almost like being a baby again and being held and loved in a very physical way. There was something very special about this skin on skin contact, something very human and very rewarding.It turned out to be a one night stand. I went into it with an attitude of no strings, so that was okay.

That experience may have whetted my appetite for further sexual adventures. Maybe not. But I don’t regret it as I say. When my new boyfriend found out that I had been a virgin when we had sex the first time he was sort of shocked. He told me that I should have let him know because then he would have tried harder to make the first time special. I laugh at that now. I just didn’t think it was a big deal. I may not sound very romantic when I say that and yet I am romantic, very much so. Maybe I should blame Lou Reed for singing Take a Walk on the Wild Side. Because that was what was playing on the radiio and I said to myself, what the hell?!

Bottom line: You need to know yourself, trust yourself, demand respect for yourself, know what you want, know what you need. Plus you have to trust him. Then you’ll be ready. Ready to wait, or ready to go!!! It’s ultimately a very personal decision. I can only say that I for one am glad I did not wait. I treasure the memories of every lover before my husband.

My first time was on the bathroom floor at a party in highschool and it was so messy and disorienting that to this day I dont think it was worth it at all. none the less it was with a lady much older and drunker then I was.