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desiree333's avatar

How do I meet gay people in my area or online?

Asked by desiree333 (3211points) August 5th, 2012

I am gay, but not I haven’t “come out” to anyone yet. I’m in University in a small-mid size city, so I sometimes go to Pride events, but they aren’t the right atmosphere/setting to actually talk to and meet people. I am extremely shy, so I most likely will have to take the friends first route. I don’t really want to make a profile on a dating site. The reason is that I’m in the closet, so I’m not comfortable having my name in the open on a gay website. I’m also only 18 years old so bars are not an option yet. I would like to find a partner and meet people so I can come out to my parents. I don’t want to tell anyone until I have a reason too (like a S.O). I’m ready to come out but I need that feeling of community to push me. I want to meet people like me so I can receive advice. Some lesbian websites where I can socialize without a thorough profile would be appreciated.

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16 Answers

jordym84's avatar

Try doing a Google search for online forums for the LGBT community. I’m not sure if one exists, but it’s worth a check, and the way most forums work you can remain as anonymous as you wish to be and in the process get to know some people until you’re ready to meet in person if you want to. Just use caution for your own personal safety.

Best of luck!

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

The first place I would look would be at your university. Find out if they have a LGBT club or group and join it. You’ll meet people with similar interests and backgrounds as yourself.

Shippy's avatar

Does the University you attend have gay interest groups you can join? That way you have a common bond and can meet others with no pressure.I don’t think you have to have a partner to come out to your parents. You are gay whether you are single or involved? Being gay is part of your identity regardless. There are loads of gay websites where you can remain anonymous and put on your profile just looking for friends. Lot’s of dating sites are full of profiles who can remain very anonymous. In fact it is normally advised on most websites to be so.

Aethelflaed's avatar

Most dating websites will let you use a username, not your real name. Some want a picture, which you can usually not use (though it does lower your chances of getting replies). I’ve had quite a bit of luck with Craigslist (which gets a bad rap, but I’m actually pretty sure that’s mostly because of the m4w section), just posting my own ad (for friends and dates) and replying to others, and sometimes OkCupid.

On Facebook, you can try to find groups. I know I belong to one that’s called something like “Girls <3 Girls [town name]”, and they do lots of meetups at coffee shops and bookclubs and hikes and stuff. If there’s a queer, feminist, or super-liberal leaning independent bookstore, go there, and chances are there’ll be some flyers on a board for various gayings-on about town. Or just ask the people who work there, if comfortable (but chances are they know that it’s never their place to out someone.)

Big lesbian websites: Autostraddle, AfterEllen, Curve. A lot of websites have forums where people set up local meet-ups.

mrlaconic's avatar

There is a site downelink that is a social networking site for lgbt peeps.

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janbb's avatar

I would also start by looking for a LBGT group at your university.

downtide's avatar

@janbb this is exactly what I was going to suggest first too. Have you also checked to see if there’s a LGBT youth group in the town? I’m thinking youth group specifically, rather than a general one, as they’re far less likely to meet in a bar.

Kardamom's avatar

Also google the term lesbian meetup groups in your area. There will most likely be groups that do fun things outside of the bar scene. Could be anything from a hiking group to a dinner sharing group. You could even google an activity that you like and word it lesbian photography group or lesbian book club.

In our town, we have a pretty good sized GLBT community, full of stores and businesses. A good place to start might be a book store. Just go on in and talk to the proprietor, and let them know your situation and what you’re looking for. They most likely will be very helpful and you won’t have to feel awkward of anyone over hearing your conversation.

inunsure's avatar

If you have a smart phone try Grindr, jackd, I’m not sure what apps are big where you are.

there are websites like adamtoadam, manhunt again I’m not sure whats big where you are

Aethelflaed's avatar

@inunsure You’ll notice that the OP is a woman. Manhunt, AdamtoAdam, Grindr, Jackd… all for gay men.

Kardamom's avatar

^^ At first I thought that answer was just joshing with the OP. Yes, the OP is a female. Let’s hope that the sites for women don’t sound as disgusting as the ones for dudes LOL.

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downtide's avatar

The OP has already stared that she’s underage so bars are not an option.

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