General Question

xxlord's avatar

How to change gender in the middle of the school year?

Asked by xxlord (17points) October 12th, 2009

I’m in a position where I want to change my gender (take testosterone) and am able to in the middle of the current school year. I’m afrraid of what my peers will think, I haven’t told anyone because I’m afraid they will think of me as strange or weird, especially my friends. Then again, I don’t really consider them as friends, but in a school of less then 100 students, what can you expect? (special school, not for mentally ill kids special, but lesser known for more connectivity with the teachers.)

I’ll be starting a different school (public) NEXT year, but I really don’t want to wait longer than I already have.. what shall I do??

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21 Answers

wundayatta's avatar

Wait until you change schools, or put up with the scorn because you can endure it until you can move to the new situation.

You always have the hope that it won’t be as bad as you imagine it will be. I have found that oftenm fears are worse in my imagination than they turn out to be in real life. Maybe others find that, too. Maybe you will.

augustlan's avatar

Welcome to Fluther!

If I were in your position, I’d seriously consider waiting to make the transition until school is out, and starting at the new school as your new gender. I understand you are anxious to get this accomplished, but it could make the rest of this school year very difficult for you. That said, if you feel secure about your plans, are strong, and have a good support system in place… follow your heart!

Breefield's avatar

I would not try and brave this one. Schoolkids are insecure and brutal.
Maybe, if you just can’t wait, attempt to switch schools once you switch.
And welcome to Fluther!

jenlk1207's avatar

I would suggest talking to someone about it before making the decsion. If you are unsure…wait, no matter what the reason. Kids are tough on each other, holding off eould be your best bet. It’s always available for you to do, so discuss it with family and/or someone you trust, like a counselor or therapist, then move forward if you still desire.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

It’s very unfortunate that this will not be accepted by some of your peers – we don’t yet live in a day and age when this decision would be no one else’s business but your own – if you feel that you have not one solid supportive friend, this will be hard..please consider your mental health…I know many people who have transitioned and some in high school – it was hard for them…you are brave, remember that…and you will always, at least in some of us here on fluther, find support…

tinyfaery's avatar

#1 Unless you are in the care of a doctor DO NOT take hormones. DO NOT! You need monitoring. This is not something you want to mess around with.

If you are/were seeing a doctor about gender reassignment then you should be in therapy. It’s part of the process.

Only you can decide what would be worse. Would it hurt you more to wait (and you should wait if you are not in a doctor’s care) or would it hurt more to potentially be ridiculed, ignored, abused, etc.? Your future will be full of these moments. Take care.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@tinyfaery I do agree with you that getting t-shots illegally is not a good idea but no need to be in therapy – that is a remnant of a thought process that that some of us no longer accept…a process that imagines this situation to be a disorder, which it isn’t

tinyfaery's avatar

Regardless of someone’s perceptions of themslves, one must deal with the perceptions of the world, like it or not. I don’t think it’s a disorder. Being gay can be hard. Being transgendered is even harder. Therapy is a good thing.

hug_of_war's avatar

Lots of people are in therapy who don’t have disorders. Therapy is good to just learn tools to deal with things, and I would say someone who is probably 13 going through this could benefit greatly from therapy for the sake of their mental health, to ensure they are adjusting, etc.

Dog's avatar

I could not agree with @tinyfaery more:

Quote from @tinyfaery:
”#1 Unless you are in the care of a doctor DO NOT take hormones. DO NOT! You need monitoring. This is not something you want to mess around with.

If you are/were seeing a doctor about gender reassignment then you should be in therapy. It’s part of the process.”

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@tinyfaery no, I know that…it’s just that, sadly, to get sex-reassignment, one must be marked with GID, which is the thing that I disagree’s not like the medical community wants all trans people to get therapy because they care for the mental well’s because it’s looked on as a mental incapacity

tinyfaery's avatar

Not all doctors. But I guess I live in my little L.A. bubble.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@tinyfaery that’s true, not all doctors

loser's avatar

I’d wait until the school year is out. You’re going to be going through A LOT of changes and some of them will be emotional, at least I did when I started T. Why add to your workload?

Ria777's avatar

if you want an informed response to this question, go to a trans or, preferably, young trans person’s forum. they will give you some responses from people who have actually done this, or, alternatively, not done this and who can talk about the pros and cons. (granted, you have a unique situation. as does everyone.)

Haleth's avatar

That’s really brave of you. Are there any support groups near you that you can reach out to while you do this? It sounds like school is going to be tough for the next six months, and you will want someone to talk to. Is there a SMYAL near you, or a GSA you can go to?

You never know- you might find unexpected supporters at your school, even though you don’t trust them right now. Good luck!

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@Ria777 that’s a really good suggestion…though a lot of us are informed on this subject

fireinthepriory's avatar

I think you’ll get a lot of crap if you switch in the middle of the school year (I assume this is middle or high school). I know, it sucks to wait and you want to start as soon as possible… I wish that this wasn’t something that would make your peers treat you badly, but I think it probably would be, and their bad treatment of you might be worse than the pain of not transitioning when you want to. How long will the physical effects take to appear? You may be able to start near the end of the school year without anyone noticing – ask your doctor or someone who’s well versed in FTM transitions.

I have a friend (also FTM) who’s about to start hormones in the middle of the school year, and it was a really hard decision. He’s in college though, and doesn’t want to transfer schools – he’s just going to take the harder path of telling everyone he knows. Most people still know him as a female. It’s a liberal school, but it’s a hard thing to tell everyone you know. I’m glad you’re able to transition so early.

Kayak8's avatar

It is very fortunate that you are aware of your “birth defect” at a young age and have the resources (and parental support?) to make the transition. I would imagine that if you are planning to transition that you are following all the recommended elements of involving a psychologist/psychiatrist for the prescribed period of time both before and during the transition process. I also gather that you are old enough that testosterone would result in some clear physical changes. I think (not know, just think), that working with the psychologist or whatever, you can talk through this.

Your urgency gives me some clues to your age (you can be in school at any age so that doesn’t help much). I work with a number of transgendered folks and we talk about this stuff pretty regularly (in part because it is interesting and, in part, because they need to talk about it). They liken it to a tumor that you just want to have gone—so for that reason, I can get the urgency.

I think if you can wait until the beginning of June (middle of May) you could start the transition and be pretty comfortable in your own skin by the start of the next school year. In other words, you don’t need to wait until next September, but next week may not be your best choice. That will give you a few months to start creating the body you want (to match your brain) before school starts.

downtide's avatar

I think you are fortunate to be able to take this step while you’re still young, it gets so much harder with age (I have left it til my 40s and it’s a much more massive problem now than it would have been when I was your age). My tip would be to start the hormone treatment a month or two before you leave your old school, but don’t necessarily tell anyone. There’ll be very few (if any) noticeable changes in that early stage, but it means that by the time you’re starting the new school you’ll be that little bit further on. Changing schools or jobs is a great time to begin the transition process. I wish you all the best. :)

bookish1's avatar

@Kayak8: Just for the edification of others, I feel compelled to point out that not all trans people view their condition as a “birth defect”.

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