Social Question

Harrow185's avatar

Is it still worth it to like to someone even if they like someone else?

Asked by Harrow185 (298points) September 14th, 2012

Sorry if that question was confusing. I’m a sophomore girl that just transfered last semester to my school, so I have no friends. The only friend I made was in my orientation group. She invited me to hangout with her and her friends, here is where I meet “A”. I was immediately attracted to her, so I obviously continued hanging out with her and our other friends. Me and A decided that since we’re so close we should just live in the same dorm. Which is when after a few days A told me that she had a “crush” on me. After she told me I told her that I also liked her. Every other night A will text me non stop, or just not respond at all. A met this boy named J which she started talking to him and giving him all the attention. I was completely forgot about. After hooking up with A, even that happening still makes me nothing. The only time I talk to her is when I have to. Which would be during class. She told me she had a crush on me, but now she’s always with J, and sleeping in his room. I mean obviously she likes him. But I was lead on and I really like her now. I don’t know if I should dorm with her because I would get too jealous. J is a senior, and it’s clear this senior guy is purely using her. I met A only 2 weeks ago, so I really can’t say anything to her rudely. If I got in a fight with her I would lose all my friends. Thank you so much in advance for reading and responding to this. :-)

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6 Answers

zenvelo's avatar

I am assuming you are in some kind of boarding school? Is this in the US or elsewhere?

In any case, it seems like you are rushing into things; two weeks is way too fast to decide anything like rooming together or deciding on who your closest friends are at a new school. Where is the girl you met during orientation? What about her friends?

Why not just step back and not initiate conversations with A? Be friendly, just see what takes place.

DigitalBlue's avatar

Well, I don’t think we decide who we like. However, you can choose how much you invest in relationships with people, and how much it is worth it to do that. In my experience, if you take a step back from the situation and don’t make an effort to invest in a crush or to “win” them over, so to speak, odds are the attraction will also fade.
Sometimes that is a necessary step when you have an attraction to a person who is also a friend and you are unable to date for whatever reason.

janbb's avatar

I agree with @DigitalBlue . I would not cut myself off completely from that crowd but I would look also to make and spend time with others outside that crowd and reduce your contact with A. I was recently in a similar situation and have reduced my attraction to my “A” while still maintaining something of a friendship by investing more in other people and activities.

Trillian's avatar

Why would you waste time on someone with whom you have been shunted to the bottom shelf? Move on and find someone who puts you at the front of the line.
(Or focus on your studies and rock the degree, get a fabulously paying job, and laugh while they still try to impress each other with beer bongs ten years from now!)

marinelife's avatar

Avoid A at all costs. Definietly do not room with her. You need to get over her and seeing her all the time will not help you with that.

She has moved on (she did lead you on) and so should you.

Ela's avatar

If it’s clear this senior guy is using her, is it not also clear that she is using you? Do you want to be used? Once you know you are being used, it becomes your choice if it continues.
This yo-yo texting is a bunch of crap, imo. No one deserves to be treated like this. The way I see it, she is way unstable and not someone I’d want in my life. You can distant yourself without moving and without losing your other friends, you just have to choose to do so, make the decision and stick with it.
Never make someone a priority in your life when you are only an option in theirs.

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