Social Question

FiguringLifeOut's avatar

Am I drawn to the "wrong crowd"?

Asked by FiguringLifeOut (18points) September 14th, 2012

First i’d like to say, I’m not gay hahh, but every year I’m “attracted” or just want to be good friends with a girl. Last year I met a bad *** chick, but I eventually realized she’s into the wrong ****. Weed, partying, so I didn’t really hang out with her out of school. We still became close, but she knew I didn’t do that stuff, so she never asked me to. One day I decided if she ever asked me to chill, I seriously would and I would smoke and do whatever. When I got over that feeling of her being my reason to be happy to go to school and happy to text and all that, I realized how stupid I was for ever thinking it was okay for me to party with her. I met another girl this year and I was like omg she’s so cool. I found out she’s very similar to the girl from last year in relation to her “hobbies” haha and I really want to be close, but we can’t if she does that stuff. She’s 2 years older btw. But right now, I’m under that “spell” that I’ll smoke with her because she’s that cool to me. It’s hard to explain, but I don’t want to make a mistake and regret it later. What should I do? Lol I sound so stupid and pathetic, but does anyone know what’s going on with me? Why does this always happen? Am I just drawn to kids that do stuff like this?

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14 Answers

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

@FiguringLifeOut : Welcome to Fluther, and I like your user name a lot. It goes with your question and details here very well.

First, you are not stupid and pathetic. You’re young and, dare I say it, figuring life out.

There are many things that go into finding friends. You are being very wise in deciding not to use drugs and be a part of that party scene.

Since this new friend is 2 years older than you, I assume you’re not meeting her in classes. Did you meet her in a club or school activity?

Making friends in clubs or activity groups at school is good. I have a couple of life-long friends today from school clubs. If you have any particular interests, join a club. It’s a great way to meet people.

Finally, I don’t know why 2 people in your life turned out to be involved in drugs. I wish I had a definitive answer for you there, but I don’t. I would suggest you move on and count it as experience.

As for being under a spell, is there someone close you can talk to about that? A parent, school counselor, or someone similar. It sounds like a feeling that would be worth exploring.

By the way, it’s okay to be gay. I am. Having friends of the same gender does not make a person gay. It means you’re human.

FiguringLifeOut's avatar

@Hawaii_Jake thanks for answering. I get what you’re saying. I actually did meet this girl in one of my classes because she moved from a different state where the order of the classes was different! But she’s also in the same sport as me. I pointed out that I wasn’t gay because it might seem like it since this person is basically the reason that I’m happy to go to school everyday. I seriously love talking to her. You said you were surprised that 2 of my friends turned out to be involved in drugs, but nowadays (and I don’t know if it’s just my generation) almost everyone my age smokes weed or has. I have chosen to hang out with the ones that don’t and for the ones that do, they already know I’m not about that hah, so they understand. But thanks again for answering my question!

augustlan's avatar

Sometimes we are drawn to our opposite personality type, not that I know why, mind you. It’s just one of those mysteries! One thing to keep in mind is that you can be friends, even very good friends, with people who do things you don’t want to do. As you say, many people your age are doing these kinds of things, but that doesn’t necessarily make them terrible people or rule out a friendship, you know? The important bit is being sure of yourself and where you stand on these issues.

I know that peer pressure can be strong, so if you’re very worried about giving in to it and smoking weed just to fit in, then backing off is the right choice for you. However, if you can be strong in your no partying stance, there isn’t any reason the two of you can’t still be friends. Ask her over to your house, where the rule will be “no drugs/drinking”.

If you want to avoid hanging out with the ‘wrong crowd’, you might want to enlist in some clubs or activities that tend to attract more of the straight arrow type of kid. I’m not exactly sure what those clubs or activities might be, but they must exist… right?

bkcunningham's avatar

Have you ever considered that perhaps, @FiguringLifeOut, the question isn’t why you are attracted to this certain personality type, but instead, why are these “bad” girls attracted to you and showing you attention?

marinelife's avatar

Here are some of the questions you should ask yourself while figuring this out:

1. Why do you only have to have one girl friend at a time? Why can’t you have several girl friends perhaps that you do different things with?

2. What is it about bad girls that attracts you? Do you think their behavior is cool? Remind yourself of when your “infatuation” wears off how you feel about that kind of behavior.

3.What if you sought out a good girl and tried to be friends with her?

Dutchess_III's avatar

It’s pretty sad when you find a person of the same sex that you have a lot in common with, and want to be friends with…but feel like you have point out that you’re not gay. Friendships are friendships. That’s how they start.

thesparrow's avatar

Naturally, the pot smoking crowd in high school are a lot friendlier and more amiable than the other douchebags or bitches.

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

@thesparrow : That’s bullshit. Dividing the world into halves—those who smoke pot are cool, and those who don’t are douchebags and bitches—is asinine. Humans are a lot more complex than that. There are fun people in all walks of life, and there are also people who fall into the category of not-so-fun.

Your presumption smacks of adolescent ignorance.

FiguringLifeOut's avatar

@augustlan : Thanks for the feedback. I never thought about that, maybe I am just one of those people that are attracted to their opposites. I don’t pick people out that I know are “bad”, I just find people that I really enjoy and they turn out to be like that. So it just might be a thing where I’m attracted to my opposites. Weird.

FiguringLifeOut's avatar

@bkcunningham Interesting question, hahah. I think they just sort of find me, or God puts certain people in my life. It just happens. I meet people everyday, a lot of people are friendly towards me because I am to them. Sometimes though, when I meet a certain person we automatically click and it feels like we balance each other out.

FiguringLifeOut's avatar

@marinelife It’s not one friend at a time, I have many friends, but every year I still know them. Each year however, I meet a new friend and I have some sort of strong attraction to them. For your second question, I’m attracted to these people before I even know they’re like that. I have many “good” friends actually, so even if I do slip up, they’ll be there to notice and straighten me out.

FiguringLifeOut's avatar

@Dutchess_III Like I said before, the only reason I pointed out that I’m straight is because it might seem a little strange to people that if I find a person like this, I’ll love texting them day and night like someone would with their boyfriend. They make me happy and I know friends generally do haha, but I have a best friend and I don’t wake up in the morning and smile knowing I’ll be talking to her in my first period class. Does that make sense?

FiguringLifeOut's avatar

@thesparrow : I agree with @Hawaii_Jake. I hate when all the stoners say this because a lot of them do. It’s such bull shit and it’s irritating to have to hear this all the time.

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