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gailcalled's avatar

In the time that you have been here, have you learned better coping skills or better ways to live more comfortably in your world?

Asked by gailcalled (54575points) September 28th, 2012

There are huge numbers of questions relating to behavior and patterns of behavior. We chat often, it seems, about how to be healthier, more content, more autonomous and more comfortable in our own skins. Have you been able to make any long-term change, small or big? Care to share with us?

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17 Answers

Coloma's avatar

I completely transformed my life 10 years ago, way before I discovered Fluther and yes, the changes have been sustainable. I have always been comfortable in my own skin and have also always marched to the beat of my own drum. As far as coping skills, I make sure I get plenty of rest, live in a very pastoral environment, get massages, meditate, star gaze and have returned to the garden of herbal transcendence on occasion the last few years after years and years of abstinence being the good mommy and little miss responsible. lol

I am almost 53 and yes, I have come a long way baby.
I do not worry, about anything, I live one day at a time, have zero relationship dramas, swiftly eliminate toxic people from my realm and am blessed with an active imagination and an abundance of creative energy, I am never bored and couldn’t be happier, other than watching this economy eat up my cash like a vulture on roadkill. haha

blueiiznh's avatar

All in all about the same. But in relative terms, I am only a short timer here.
Reading and typing about topics does help me reflect and recenter.
One thing that I can say is that it confirms that we are not alone in the challenges on this journey.

tinyfaery's avatar

I just don’t give a fUck about anything that doesn’t affect me directly, and when I say directly, I mean my day to day, mundane life. I try not to allow anything into my bubble that will negatively affect me. Sometimes I slip. Forgive me.

Bellatrix's avatar

I can’t say I have noticed any change in my life. It’s nice to be here and to engage with others in the community and I agree with @blueiiznh that seeing so many questions about common themes and concerns does make me reflect. Hard to know whether the things I have read here have influenced decisions I have made since finding Fluther. I don’t think so but there is no real way to gauge whether advice I have read has affected my understanding or choices.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I’ve learned a lot on here. It has made me see life differently. Plus I get to see how others view Americans. That’s kind of a bummer.

YARNLADY's avatar

Yes, I learned that it is possible to live even after losing the one person who means everything to me and it happened to me twice.

Berserker's avatar

I don’t think so, or at least not that I’ve noticed. If changes have been made, it’s probably too gradual for me to notice, and good or bad, I may never even realize it. Thing is, not to blast Fluther or anything, but most changes that I have noticed in my life were in no way, as far as I can tell, related to here. (that is if this is what you meant in your question) At least not anything major. I made good friends, had bad experiences, but how am I to tell if this has altered me and my behaviors? O_o I guess for some people it’s easy to know, but I’m pretty braindead bro.
It would be cool to have some kind of time traveling/destiny/fate inspecting machine that could tell me how all my choices and encounters and stuff would have affected different situations depending on the what now when. But there might be a movie about that, I think it’s called The Dragonfly Occurrence or something.

Coping and living more comfortably, in my life I have learned some coping methods, and other things I need to work on, some things got better some got worse, but I’m not entirely sure how to know what has directly caused these things to happen besides gut feeling or what I think to be logic. In many of these cases, I never really get any confirmation on anything, even though gut feeling is supposed to teach me how to swing sticks around better.

augustlan's avatar

Not direct coping skills so much (I honestly don’t think I’m ever going to cope much better than I already do, which is not so great), but I’ve learned more about how different types of people perceive things I do or say. What kinds of things might trigger a negative interaction with this type of person or that. I’ve altered some of my behaviors based on that knowledge, not to make my life more comfortable, but theirs. Which, of course, ended up making my life a bit more comfortable, too. A nice side benefit.

Thinking more about coping, I’ve got a much bigger support network than I ever had before Fluther. So many friends I’d never have had without this place. That alone makes coping with the tough stuff a little more bearable. Thank you for that, jellies. <3

ucme's avatar

No, i’m as fine as I ever was.
I guess fluther can be all things to many people.

tups's avatar

When you said “here” I thought you meant in the world, not Fluther. Am I the only who who misunderstood this?

Kayak8's avatar

@ucme I took it to mean Fluther (based on the details with the actual question).

I think Fluther has taught me a great deal about patience. In a manner similar to @augustlan‘s description above, I too have learned to have a better awareness of how people perceive what I say. In real life, if people misunderstand they often don’t respond as directly as people do here, probably based on the anonymity of Fluther. This has been very helpful to me. I don’t always do a good job of translating other people’s facial expressions and here I don’t have to worry about it and that has allowed me a different type of interaction.

So, while I may not have learned something from the content of the questions or responses, the method of responding (on the part of others) has taught me a great deal.

Mariah's avatar

Well I was 17 when I started Fluthering, and am 20 now, which are ages where someone will change a lot anyway. Pair that with what I went through during that time period in terms of leaving for college and having surgeries and leaving for college again, and it’s not hard to imagine that I have learned a whole lot about coping. Fluther has certainly helped, too.

One thing I’m not sure if I’ve ever mentioned… when I made my Fluther account I was direly ill and – I didn’t know it at the time, of course – mere days away from a near-death experience. It was a very confusing time in my life… I posted maybe three answers, disappeared for two weeks (hospitalized), came back and said this:

”...right now, I could use some clarity of mind. I’ve just been through some of the most crazy, life-changing experiences of my life and it’s left my mind so scattered feeling. I don’t communicate well right now…”

Damn, I remember how that felt like it was yesterday. It’s hard to say if something like that would hit me as hard now as it did then. I hadn’t started forming coping skills back then… I didn’t realize I needed them. I was still in that naive stage where I had convinced myself that being sick had been a net gain for me, that the character growth or life lessons or whatever the fuck else was worth more than the time I was losing and the pain I was experiencing. I was too scared to admit that the shit was just going to keep hitting the fan… the word “chronic” hadn’t sunk in yet. I would have understood the stakes better if I hadn’t blacked that bit out of my mind.

Anyway, that realization inevitably happened between then and now, and that was when coping got really hard. I’m glad to say that in those three years I’ve come a long way with getting through that. Antidepressants have helped enormously too. And having jellies rooting for me and putting up with my bitching along the way has been awesome.

gailcalled's avatar

@tups: Based on the details with the actual question. I did mean “here” as “on Fluther.” There is some lack of clarity, however.

wildpotato's avatar

In some ways I think so – I feel much more mild now than when I began here, and less invested in trying to bring someone around to my point of view or defending it from attacks. I think Fluther has trained me to be more circumspect.

It’s a significant change for me, and it feels like it’s going to be long-term. It’s certainly a wonderful coping skill, but I’m not so sure that it’s a good thing overall. I’ve found myself piping down in recent years, whereas before I was always that nerd in class who doesn’t mind being the only one talking. I like that I’ve begun to think more about what I say and type before I say it or hit the Send/Answer button, but I dislike that I now have a tendency to simply not say anything at all. It’s troubling. I am not sure whether participating with Fluther instigated this behavior in myself or merely reinforced it as it was cropping up on its own due to depression, but it is why I took a long break last year. I’m also being very cautious about my participation now, and have set rules for myself such as not engaging in debates about things that matter to me deeply.

@Symbeline Thank you for the belly laugh – the movie is The Butterfly Effect. I’m gonna be chuckling about that for hours.

hearkat's avatar

I found Fluther when I got the first iPhone and mobile web apps were being made for it. I found a social network site within a few days of joining here, and I do credit those early online social interactions for helping me grow more socially confident and improving my self-esteem. Prior to that time, I had always been incredibly self-conscious in social settings. Having the anonymity of the interwebz, and finding communities with people who had a good deal in common with me gave me a safe place to practice and develop social skills, as well as numerous role models to observe and learn from.

This carried over into my offline experiences… I met several people from the other site in person. I found that writing out responses has helped me “think before I speak” in daily life, and I’ve found better ways to convey my thoughts in writing and when speaking. Eventually, I got the nerve to join a few groups on and get together with complete strangers who share a common interest, and just be myself without trying to be liked. That would have been a terrifying prospect 5 years ago.

YARNLADY's avatar

I thought it referred to on Earth, not just Fluther.

Shippy's avatar

Yes, because I have to think before I type, and try and organize thoughts so people can understand me. It made me realize how chaotic my mind was. I learned that there were other people out there that cared, that made a huge difference to me. Because half of my own implosion was the idea I was alone and on an island. It also strengthened my belief that I am an addict, as now I am hopelessly addicted to Fluther. I also learned that I can think the word “Fluther” but cannot say it (try saying it very fast a few times). I learned patience. Well a little not a lot!!

I most importantly learned that my own grammar and spelling is better than the word spell check, since when I write questions on there, they go to edit :P

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