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Self_Consuming_Cannibal's avatar

I know it's not all about the lurve, but do you get disappointed when you feel like you've given a great answer or asked a great question and then you receive little to no lurve?

Asked by Self_Consuming_Cannibal (4256points) January 7th, 2013


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34 Answers

DrBill's avatar

No, I’m used to it.

filmfann's avatar

Sometimes it is hard to judge whether or not people think an answer is funny or well said without lurve. I am happy if someone mentions my comment after. When that happens, it doesn’t have to get any lurve.

Bellatrix's avatar

Sure. Sometimes I look at a stream of answers with lurve and my lonely answer with none but then on other threads I am the one with lots of lurve. It all evens out in the end. You just can’t take it seriously or it will do your head in.

wundayatta's avatar

I understand how you feel. I do think lurve gives some validation that your efforts are at least appreciated by others. Sometimes the lurve even tells you that you’ve said something other people actually find useful.

For a person like me, it means a lot. I’ve never had good feedback from people like my parents, and I never knew how I compared to others, so I always believed I was no good.

Oddly, there are plenty of people here who are willing to tell me I’m stupid and no good, and of course, what they say fits in perfectly with how I see myself in my heart of hearts. So that’s good, because it confirms my essential rottenness.

However, I also get good feedback and sometimes people write me these amazing pms thanking me for what I’ve said. I know that has to be real. There’s no reason why someone would write something like that just for fun.They must mean it. Which means my true beliefs about myself may not be true. Maybe I’m not hopeless and worthless as I am convinced I am.

So lurve, in combination with other feedback, confirms both views of me. The wonderful and the horrible. Somehow it all balances out. I mean, where the fuck else could I write such a schizophrenic answer and people will appreciate it. Assuming they do. Which they might not. But even if they don’t, I still had fun thinking about it.

So thanks. And GQ, too!

Self_Consuming_Cannibal's avatar

@Bellatrix I don’t let it get to my head too much, but it’s just annoying and it makes me feel like I’m back in high school and dealing with a popularity contest as to a “fair forum.”

Self_Consuming_Cannibal's avatar

@wundayatta Overall, I usually disagree with you on most things, but I happen to find your answer on this to be sincere and heartfelt and I really enjoyed that. I wish I could do more than just give you one GA. But here is my lurve for you!

Thanks for your input. So far it has been the most real answer on this question.

Bellatrix's avatar

Can you change it @Self_Consuming_Cannibal? It is obviously bothering you because you asked this question but really, what can you do about it? Nothing. I don’t think there is a person here who hasn’t written what they consider to be a good answer, or written an answer that says something that someone else says later in the thread but not as well, yet the first answer attracts little or no lurve. If you spend too much time thinking about it, it really will do your head in. I get that it’s annoying but the best response is just to ignore it. It’s almost certain a couple of questions along, you will be the one with 10 good answers and someone else will have a response there with 0 or very few.

woodcutter's avatar

You shouldn’t worry too much personally. You seem like a liberal-ish type so that will hook you up most certainly. Often the same political beliefs land people a crap load of brownie points from a so so comment especially if you choose to go toe to toe with someone they aren’t particularly fond of. You have noticed this I’m sure.

Self_Consuming_Cannibal's avatar

@Bellatrix I highly doubt, excuse me, I know for a fact it won’t “do my head in”, but I promise I won’t blow my brains out at night over it. There’s only certain things I can ask on here, so I’m doing my best to be a “normal” person. Unfortunately the “real me” can’t ask the things that I want to ask or I will be censored and/or banned from this site.

It’s happend before and it could happen again. I play by “your” (fluther’s) rules so I can play… period. I do ignore it, to an extent, but to question whether or not I’m the only person this bothers is just me being human.

Sometimes I see a popularity contest going on. Sometimes I see certain members (especially ones with a lot of lurve) getting away with things other members can’t. I don’t try to fight this system, but I do disagree with it. All I’m simply doing is just trying to fit in and not break any rules in the process.

If this offends you or any of the other “powers that be” I truly appologize.

creative1's avatar

Its no big deal to me, I am just answering the questions hoping to help or provide my insight into whatever the need help with.

Bellatrix's avatar

And I answered you honestly and said, yes, sometimes it bugs me too. I think you are being a tad sensitive and I’m not offended by you asking this question at all. Just pointing out the reality that neither you nor I can do anything to dictate how much lurve we are awarded. All we can do is answer questions in the best way possible. This has nothing to do with Fluther’s rules. This has to do with human nature and Fluther and those who manage it or those who apply the site’s rules can’t do anything to influence human behaviour.

If you see a member, long standing or not, doing something you believe breaches the rules, flag the post. It will be looked at. As to being a popularity contest, I have said myself that on occasions I think there can be an element of this, but again, that’s human nature. People who have been here a long time and formed friendships might give GAs to those they know more than those they don’t. You could equally argue new members often don’t give any lurve until they get used to the way the site works. I also know some members are far more generous to those who are new. I give newbies lots of lurve. I am not alone in this. Swings and roundabouts @Self_Consuming_Cannibal.

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

Does it bother me when I receive little to no lurve for what I deem a great answer?


This is the Internet, and this is just one site of millions and millions. It serves a purpose to give a place to trade information and to entertain at times. The lurve and the awards really are silly.

I know when I was very new on the site I cared. I wanted as many points as I could get, and I wanted all the awards. That desire faded when I began to get to know other users on the site. When I ask certain types of questions here, I will send the link to that question to a particular knowledgeable user. I want good answers now, and I want to ask good questions.

I lurk on a couple of other sites that give awards in points based on the popularity of the contribution. I help where I can on one site. I simply stay in the background and enjoy the view on another. The points obviously mean a great deal to some of the users on those sites, but they have utterly no meaning for me.

The points on Fluther have become the same. I guess it has something to do with keeping busy in other areas of my life. I believe that keeps it in perspective. This site is for trading information. Anything else is just for fun. If it brings a smile to your face, great. If it becomes a burden or a worry, toss it. Who needs extra baggage?

ETpro's avatar


Honestly? Yeth.

augustlan's avatar

Meh, it happens to all of us. You get used to it and it doesn’t bug you as much anymore.

zensky's avatar

You get used to it.

Especially if all your questions are about the lurve.

Sunny2's avatar

Occasionally, I’m kind of annoyed, but then I read the question and can see how I didn’t give an answer that was what the asker would like to hear. So it’s okay.

linguaphile's avatar

If I feel I’ve given a well thought out answer, I do wonder why I didn’t get lurve, (and might worry a little about not being liked, because that’s my own baggage) but overall I don’t let it bother me. I’m not here just for lurve, but for stimulation, friends and the community.

FutureMemory's avatar

It doesn’t happen often enough to even cross my mind.

poisonedantidote's avatar

Not in the way you describe.

For the most part I could not care less if I get any or not, it is just a number in a database, totally meaningless, so I really don’t care about it at all. However, as I see it as a form of agreeing with something, I will sometimes get a little disappointed if something I or someone else has said, does not get much approval. Likewise it can have the same effect when I see something that I really disagree with getting a high score.

It is not because anyone wins anything, you could have a million lurve, you will never actually find the mansion, there is no competition. However, I consider Fluther to be a higher grade of website, with members that are more intelligent than the average internet user, so it can be a little annoying/depressing, when the lurve poll comes back showing a trend towards a dumb idea.

picante's avatar

I find that I’m more sensitive to this than I would have imagined. If I respond with a thoughtful answer, and I’m the only one among dozens of responses that didn’t get a GA, I do feel like an outcast. I don’t engage here frequently, so I would never imagine a time when I’d be “popular.” But my feelings are very much as @linguaphile has described.

OpryLeigh's avatar

I have to admit, I sometimes feel a little dissapointed, almost like I am invisible. I am aware that this is me being oversensitive but I do get over it very quickly!

zensky's avatar

I am looking for @Leanne1986 – has anyone seen her?

wundayatta's avatar

Is the the one with the funny looking girl in the veil? Nope. Never saw her.

zensky's avatar

Oh, Leeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaane???!!!

OpryLeigh's avatar

@zensky Oh good, you can see me. That means I must be real!

zensky's avatar

@wundayatta Did you hear something?

wundayatta's avatar

@zensky I hear this kind of squeaking sound. But I’m not sure what it is.

OpryLeigh's avatar

Jumping a up and down and waving frantically over here

zensky's avatar


woodcutter's avatar

….you can’t find the mansion?

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