Why does sexual intercourse hurt!? (Possibly NSFW)

Does your guy take a lot of time for foreplay? He may be inexperienced too and he’s just not giving you enough time to get ready. When I first became sexually active I rushed it sometimes and I could see it hurt. If that’s not the case see your doctor. You could also try some lubes.

Body mechanics can also be a factor. My uterus was tilted and intercourse with my ex-husband was painful at times because he was hitting my cervix. Different sexual positions helped, so experiment with positioning your legs different ways so your pelvis is at various angles and see if that alleviates the discomfort. Since my divorce >15 years ago, I’ve dated a few men – some larger, some smaller, some about the same size – but the ex-husband was the only one that caused me frequent discomfort.

If your Gynecologist seems to brush-off your symptoms, you might want to find a different physician who will respect your concerns more.

Aside from foreplay, try lube and see if that helps. If it does, it’s a moisture issue. If not, go back to the gynecologist. There are many conditions that cause painful intercourse. Your doctor should be able to pinpoint your problem and hopefully fix it.

I forgot to mention that I developed fibroids and endometriosis later in life – to the point where my uterus was as large as if I were 5 months pregnant – and that did not cause discomfort during intercourse. There was a general feeling of pressure in my lower abdomen, but no sharp pains (other than cramps during my period).

Does it feel irritated? Like the tissues of the vulva or vagina are being rubbed too hard or tearing? That would be lube, and I don’t get the impression that is your problem. A tilted pelvis can cause pain. I was going to suggest see a doctor, but sounds like you have done that. Did they feel around and trigger the pain? So they can know exactly what hurts? Maybe trigger it with the ultrasound wand so they have a visual of it? Do you have an bleeding after intercourse?

If there is a feeling of pressure as he enters you, try more foreplay but also a lubricant applied either to his penis or around your vagina. Vaganismus is a condition in which the muscles of the vagina contract causing pain upon penetration and can be caused by the anticipation of discomfort.

It’s not really pain upon penetration and I don’t think it has anything to do with my vagina… it feels pretty deep inside the pelvis. We have different lubes and stuff, but I don’t really find them helpful as I don’t think I have an issue with dryness. I have never had bleeding or anything, just the pain. The pressure gets pretty uncomfortable, sometimes it makes me feel like I have to poop… kills the mood a little.

@Tequila I would think it would. Okay, that makes my first answer wrong. How big is your guy’s organ? And how tall are you?

Don’t tell him, but I believe he has an average sized penis. He’s an average sized guy. I’m about 5’5” and very slim. I’m wondering if I have some weird effects going on down there from the radiation therapy I received as a child… could that cause pain?

If your very slim he might be hitting your cervix. That hurts. Is the pressure occuring when he is deep inside you? Or all the time? I don’t know about the radiation.

Try positions in which he can’t thrust so deeply and see if that helps.

I had a retroverted uterus (until I had it removed), too, and experienced pain during sex semi-regularly because of it. Even internal exams were sometimes painful, especially during pregnancy. If different positions don’t help, I’d ask your doctor about it again. Apparently, there are some treatments that might help.

Don’tcha love when they just say, “That shouldn’t hurt!”? I had pain deep inside, not constantly, but we’d be getting into it and suddenly I’d have this excruciating pain… after months of various meds, none of which did anything, they wanted to do exploratory surgery. I walked, and the next doctor found that I had an abscess on/near an ovary. A couple courses of antibiotics and the pain was gone. Something to ask about, maybe?

Ask your gynecologist. Tell her that intercourse is painful and describe the pain.

It’s not supposed to hurt!

Like @marinelife says, stop guessing!!!! Go to your gynecologist and explain what you explained to us. Try to take note of whether or not some positions are more painful than others and the exact location and type of pain you are feeling.

She went to the doctor. How else did she have an ultrasound and have her doctor saying it shouldn’t cause pain? She probably needs to see a diffent doctor, or go back the I agree, but some jellies make it soud like she has not been to the doctor already, I don’t understand why?

@JLeslie Yes, she went to the doctor and she says the doctor is “not all that concerned”. That is a bad sign, but perhaps he OP was too embarrassed to impress upon her doctor how uncomfortable sex is for her. If she did make it clear and the doctor was nonchalant about it and insensitive, than I agree with you, find another doctor. I don’t think it is good, nor easy, to keep changing doctors frequently so I think it is worth giving it another shot and insisting on some more substantive help and advice the next time. If the doctor says “It should not be painful” then I would say, “But it is painful and I want to know why and is there anything that can be done about it?”

@JLeslie “I know that my uterus is tilted slightly and that I have fibroids(?)... this was found on an ultrasound but the doctor was not all that concerned and kind of ignored it because she said it should not be painful.”

To me that sounds like an older diagnosis as opposed to one that came about after the pain. I could be wrong, but that’s what it sounded like to me.

And it really doesn’t matter if it was yesterday. If she didn’t get an answer, she should go back.

@livelaughlove21 Possible.

I just thought people had missed fhat maybe she did try the doctor. Sometimes OP’s get ridiculed for coming to the internet for medical advice instead of going to the doctor, which neither of you really did, but I just felt like people overlooked she did try the doctor. But, again, your interpretation is possible.

@Earthgirl It’s exhausting, but I do agree with you that she probably should have been more insistent about the discomfort. Although, when I have complained about various pain problems doctors will ask, “does it interfere with your work” shit like that. Meaning if yu can function enough, even with the pain, you should not be too worried? WTF? When I had daily vulva pain, which made intercouse pretty bad, I can’t tell you how many fucked up suggestions and questions I got.

I will say this, when it comes to doctors for me, two strikes and your out. Gone are the days when I try for years with a doctor or stay with one that is not helping. Unfortuneately, I also give up after two doctors and usually have a long stretch in between the second and third where I just live and suffer in discomfort. I had a bad fix to an old bond on my front tooth, the dentist really botched it, but after I went back to him and then another dentist and it is still fucked up, I lived with it knowing I have shifted my entire set of teeth because of it. I should have persisted and gone to a third, but I can’t handle incompetence over and over again. It’s one thing of it is a medical mystery, but often it is lack of concern, not believing the patient, not taking the time to really listen to the patient. As I said it’s exhausting. So, I have empathy for people who don’t go right back to the doctor. I don’t think it is the best way, but I get it.

@JLeslie I understand where you’re coming from. Believe me, I would never ridicule someone looking for advice. I just want to impress upon her that she needs to be insistent, give her doctor as much information as possible to diagnose things, and not be shy about speaking up. With younger patients in a gynecological setting this is often the problem. Embarrassment and lack of self assertion.She needs to make sure she is heard. Then, if she doesn’t get at least a more sympathetic response, she should move on.

@Earthgirl :)

@Tequila Any chance you have pain at times when not having intercourse on your side?

You shouldn’t be in pain so something isn’t right. You’ve tried lube so try different positions and see if that helps. If your doctor isn’t taking your concerns seriously, go and see a different doctor. Don’t be brushed off. We can only really guess at what might be going on. Your doctor can do an examination and order further tests if necessary. I hope it’s cleared up soon. I don’t doubt you aren’t finding sex enjoyable if it hurts.