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xxporkxsodaxx's avatar

Do you think I deal with big impacting situations strangely?

Asked by xxporkxsodaxx (1386points) June 20th, 2008

Today my grandmother died and my whole family and close friends are taking it badly, but I am going on as if life was normal. Even with the people who have passed in earlier years had no affect on my emotions. Can you guys and girls help me on this? Also I have heard some rumors about suppressed emotions, can anyone tell me if these are true or not? Btw, feel free to ask more questions, I REALLY want to know what’s up.

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14 Answers

lefteh's avatar

Some people react more strongly to situations that we have been conditioned to believe are catastrophic. To some people, these situations seem like the end of the world. To some, they’re trivial. If you’re not a big-time mourner, my personal opinion is that you shouldn’t worry about it. That’s who you are, and that’s okay — you shouldn’t feel pressured to react to “big” situations the same way everybody else does.

scamp's avatar

I’m sorry for your loss. Don’t let anyone tell you how you should or shouldn’t feel. Just let your feelings run their own course. Some people are more emottional over a death than other, and that’s ok. I still cry like a baby when I think of my Dad, who died in ‘94, but I hardly give my Mom a second thought. It all depends on your relationship with the one you lost.

trudacia's avatar

My condolences to you and your family.

I react the same way. Almost like I feel I have to take care of everyone else and stay strong. Give yourself some time to deal with the situation… It just happened. You’ll react when your good and ready. Sometimes you need a little time to get your emotions in check.

Seesul's avatar

People handle grief differently, suppressed emotions are when you are intentionally holding back something that you know is inside. You may do that publicly, because that is the way that you are and then let it out when you are alone. Others see death in a different way, a life lived completely or pain finally ended or both. Unless YOU are feeling uncomfortable about it, I wouldn’t worry about it. It’s YOUR opinion that matters because only you know how you feel inside.

Sometimes people find me strange when someone passes because I like to remember the good times and not dwell on the bad. I would have done well with my Irish ancestors and attending wakes. I recently have lost a lot of people and my thoughts immediately go to the great and fun things about them. I miss that they are not there any more, but they are always with me in my memories of them. When my dad died, I thought I’d never feel his wonderful hug again. At his funeral, my nephew came up to me and hugged me. He had grown a lot since the last time that I had seen him and into the size and shape of my dad and thus had his hug. All of his grandkids have a piece of his humor, and so he is really with us, every day. I miss him but am not sad he is gone, just amazed at the pieces of himself he left behind.

xxporkxsodaxx's avatar

I think the only reason I feel uncomfortable about it is because my mother just loses it and clings to me being an annoying fly with her constant questions. Also she constantly wonders why I am not grieving over such an event, when I tell her, she just gets more upset and won’t listen which makes me even angrier because my biggest pet peeve is when people don’t listen.

Seesul's avatar

I think if I were you, I’d just cut her some slack now, listen to her when she loses it and when she asks you why you are not grieving, tell her you are, in your own way, you just handle it differently and ask her to respect that. She obviously needs someone strong to listen to her right now and it sounds like that’s what you are here for, as uncomfortable as it may be. I take it it is her mother and perhaps she thinks that you won’t miss her either when her time comes.

By your profile, it seems you have moved around a lot as well. That might be part of the reason for the way you handle things, not forming super-attachments. If you are holding things in, seek help for that, but if it is just your way of dealing with things, then that’s that and who you are. Best wishes.

xxporkxsodaxx's avatar

Well that’s exactly what I think, it’s the same with everything else tragic that’s happened.

marinelife's avatar

Yes, there are suppressed emotions. Yes, if you are suppressing feelings and not dealing with them, it is likely to impact your life and decisions in ways you might not choose later.

Only you now if that is the case here.

Americans do not allow much room for personal ways of grieving. I can see why it would be frustrating that your Mom is not hearing you right now, but she is lost in shock and grief. Giver her some room and time and the comfort of your presence.

jlm11f's avatar

I am sorry for your loss. I react similarly to such events and I have to say that all the answers for this question are simply outstanding! lurve for all <3

ebenezer's avatar

I know how you feel. From my experience… I feel more sad, sick and helpless breaking up with a girlfriend than losing a relative that I have only loose emotional connections with.

xxporkxsodaxx's avatar

Well no, I have had strong emotional connections with her my whole life. She has been a second better mother to me, she might as well have been both, like if you name something helpful that someone has done for you, I’m sure 85% of the time she’s done it plus more for me.

marinelife's avatar

Then you probably have emotions, but have not felt them yet. Grief is not something with a set timetable. Everyone is different.

One of its stages, though, is denial. That is very human. If we have big feelings, sometimes our mind protects us from them until we are ready and able to deal with them.

Honor your own feelings or non-feelings. Nothing is wrong or bad.

I am thinking of you during this time.

xxporkxsodaxx's avatar

Thank you Marina,
I think I am in denial too, like right now I am at the house where she passed and to be honest, it feels as if she hasn’t left but she has just moved away. I can’t imagine the thought of her passing, I have tried to imagine how my grandfather found out that she had passed but I cannot put my finger on it. Also while typing this short response, I have actually come to realize twice that she has since passed, but immediately after it went through my head, I either blocked it out or thought otherwise.

marinelife's avatar

@xxporkxsodaxx I hear you. I have been in that confusing place. Be gentle with yourself.

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