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nayeight's avatar

Should I go or should I stay?

Asked by nayeight (3347points) July 12th, 2008

So this guy that I really like is DJing a party like 2–3 hours away and he really wants me to come. He was in a car accident recently (he’s ok) and after he told me that he loved me and that I really mean alot to him. I said that was nice and that I care for him too. I don’t love him, yet, so I didn’t want to say it. The thing is I’m on my period and I feel really bloated and icky so I really don’t want to go. I hate to be so gross but its really heavy this month and I really don’t want to have to dress up and feel paranoid about “accidents” (ladies, you know what I mean). I also have no one to go with (all my friends are “busy”) so I would be going by myself to watch him DJ. Sounds fun right? Of course not! It sounds like hell but I don’t want him to think I’m blowing him off because I don’t like him or the “love thing” has scared me because it really hasn’t. What would you do?

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11 Answers

nayeight's avatar

Also, I don’t know if this helps, but I am desperately, tragically single and have been for about four years now. I’m rusty with relationship stuff and I really want this thing between us to work out because I like him alot!

jlm11f's avatar

If you don’t feel like going, then there’s no point. Call him, wish him best of luck for the DJ-ing and tell him that you don’t feel too good and so won’t be able to make it. But tell him you want to meet him asap and ask him when you guys can meet next. He should understand (it’s not that big of a deal) and things should be fine. If he brings up the love issue or if he sounds hurt, assure him you don’t mean anything by this and you are just under the weather. For added bonus, tell him you really wanted to go to the party and see him DJ and are bummed out that you can’t anymore. Everything will work out eventually :)

skfinkel's avatar

I am of two minds. The first is, even if you are a bit uncomfortable, you could probably go. You would be doing it for him, which is nice. You might even like watching him DJ, and it obviously would be fun for him to have you there. The fact that you would have to go alone is really not such a big deal. And maybe you can dress in a way that you will be more comfortable.

The other side is simply to be honest with him. Tell him that you are just uncomfortable (you say why or be oblique) and that you are sad about not going because you are thrilled he asked you and you are excited about this relationship—but this is just not a good weekend for you. And then say when you think you would be better and able to see him.

When you say it’s been four tragically single years though, you might want to make the extra effort and go.

arnbev959's avatar

I agree with PnL that you shouldn’t go if you really don’t want to.

However, if you can find someone to go with you, (there must be one friend who won’t be “busy” if you’re convincing enough) then by all means, go. It can’t be nearly as bad going with a friend.

nayeight's avatar

Hmm ok, these are all great answers! Thank you guys so much! I’ve decided I’m not going to go. While it has been four tragic years, menstrual cycles are no joke, especially when your sitting in traffic on your way across the bay bridge, alone. I’ll definitely call him and tell him what’s on my mind though and hopefully he won’t be too bummed. I just hope he answers so I can talk to him because I hate leaving people messages when I’m about to disappoint them. Thanks guys!

martinez00anita's avatar

just tell him you’re trying to save on gas. They’re will be other parties and if he loves you he’d understand.

sndfreQ's avatar

If he really loves you then he would understand your personal reasons for not going. In my book at least, a prerequisite for a relationship is empathy.

richardhenry's avatar

Tell him you’re on a really bad period. Seriously. You could use that as a response to anything for me and I’d just be like “Ahh, okay. That’s fine.” Say you wanna see him soon, and that’ll be that.

@martinez00anita: Save on gas? Are you joking? That sounds like such a blow-off line.

lefteh's avatar

I think the proper phrasing is Should I stay or should I go?

TheHaight's avatar

I’ve been in the same boat as you, and trust me.. If youre not up for something and you make yourself go, most of the time you won’t have as good of a time (and it shows.) good luck with everything! And every answer was great- because If he really does love you he will be okay.

Poser's avatar

Don’t go if you know you won’t enjoy it. He wouldn’t want you to be miserable for him. But the key is to make a date for a later time. If the DJing has already gone down, call him now and set up a date.

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