Social Question

purple_dragon_36's avatar

I want to become closer with my friend but I just don't know how?

Asked by purple_dragon_36 (10points) August 31st, 2015

Okay so I’m in a group of four friends, and we are quite close. I have been friends with two of the for four years and to be honest I have always seen them as being closer with each other than me, and I was just the tagalong. About two years ago I made friends with another girl, who I’ll call A. A and I met in a class I sat next to her in and we became close-ish and met up a couple of times outside of school, until a year ago we (my two friends, A and I) ended up in the same form. Over the past six months we’ve been getting closer and basically A is now a part of my friendship group, but I kinda want to be, like, ‘best’ friends with her. (It sounds pretty noob-y when I say it like that but whatever) I feel like we’re closer than the others but we still always do everything as a group, and I don’t know if it makes sense but I kinda have confidence issues when it comes to friendship, partially because my whole time in primary school was a social train wreck and the fault was all mine, so when we do things as a group of four I feel like I’m maybe not wanted there and I’m only a part of the group just because nobody can be bothered to tell me to leave, or something. I’m not saying my friends make me feel that way, it’s just that being part of a large group isn’t the same as having a close friend to yourself, because that means somebody actually wants to be your friend and isn’t just talking to you for the sake of it. A was sort of the first friend I have ever had who made me feel like she actually respected and took me seriously, whereas my other friends have always seen me as a clown and someone to joke around with and tease and pretend be mean to. They say ‘oh, you’re just that one friend we can bully haha’ and I laugh along but honestly, it’s tiring and I don’t think I really am the person they see me as, that is, someone who doesn’t have serious feelings. That’s why I really value A, for actually listening to me and complimenting me about stuff and having deeper conversation and just generally acknowledging that, yes I’m kind of ditzy and sometimes clumsy but I’m a real person with feelings just like anyone else, despite the fact that I kind of act like I don’t sometimes because I don’t want people to think I’m annoyed with how they treat me, laughing at me but then expecting me to always be there for them. I love my friends, I really do, but to be honest I’m sort of fed up with them thinking they can treat me like crap and it won’t hurt me because we’re friends, which is why I would like to be even closer with A, someone who treats me better. Unfortunately, being as socially inept as I am, I can’t really work out how to become closer with A without embarrassing myself if it turns out she doesn’t even like me, and if that doesn’t happen I don’t want my other two friends getting upset with me for blowing them off because I really do value their friendship, it’s just that I’ve always felt like a third wheel. I’m really awkward at this stuff but A and I do have a lot of inside jokes just for us, and she comes to me for advice on things I don’t think she tells the others about, but I don’t know if this is just normal for friends because I haven’t really had enough of them to tell, because A has a lot of other friends and two she is especially close with, whereas I just have this four and a couple of others, so maybe she doesn’t want to get any closer, and I don’t want to end up being clingy so I feel like I should just leave it because I don’t really want to lose her as a friend. Also, and this is probably just me rambling now, but I’m bi and to be honest if I start getting closer I’m scared A will think I want to be more than friends even though I REALLY don’t see her that way, I know her too well aha. So yeah, I’m in a bit of a pickle and although it’s probably overthinking a LOT, I would appreciate advice? Thanks xx

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3 Answers

elbanditoroso's avatar

Way tl;dr

In your English class, did they have a lesson on paragraphs?

msh's avatar

Being Bisexual has made you doubt everything. Even yourself. Why do you love this group of friends? They aren’t really friends. Friends don’t hurt your feelings for fun. They are people you feel safer with- yet they still treat you poorly. You are fuzzy on feelings for ‘A’. You come forth every few sentences- what you truly feel.
Suggestion: get yourself to a LGBT source where you live. Find them and then take yourself there- physically. You don’t have to tell your group of ‘sometimes’ friends, A, nor anyone else. But go, please. There isn’t anyone there waiting to hurt, abuse, nor ‘recruit’ you. They are so helpful and positive.
You are bombarded with so many different feelings and thoughts that folks your age all face in their own way. Then add on some of the feelings you’re experiencing, the confusion and your lack of believing in yourself…it’s all too much! Grown adults wrestle with much less and find it hard to find their own place in this world.
YOU need to get some ideas on how you feel or what you need to do for YOU!
I know that if you go to see someone from this great group of people, your concerns and feelings will suddenly feel so much lighter!
Aren’t you so tired and exhausted from going from pillar to post in order to keep going every day? These folks are smart and helpful- they will help you figure out what you need to feel better and be strong for your own life.
Please at least give it a try. Everyone I’ve recommended to go and visit the LGBT centers to see what they can do to help, has ended up so much happier and healthier in their lives.
At least it’s someone to talk to in figuring out how to deal with all you have shared. Trust me, I taught twenty-million six -hundred-sixty two billion students over the years. Just your age. You’re gonna be fine. And happy! Go search the local info in your area. Then Go! Take good care~ :)

Dutchess_III's avatar

Either you’re “best friends” or you aren’t.

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