Social Question

lavaLava4lamp's avatar

How do I show affection to my boyfriend without kissing him?

Asked by lavaLava4lamp (57points) November 8th, 2016

My boyfriend and I are freshmen in high school, and yes, I know, we’re too young, but to be fair, we were friends first and then he later on told me how he felt and told him I felt the same way. Now, I do know that we are really young, which is why I am refraining on kissing. He’s kind of shy, but he used to kiss his past girlfriends. We’ve tried to hold hands and lean on each others shoulders but we have a group of friends that sits with us at lunch, (lunch is the only period we have together,) which is fine because they’re are friends, but its kind of embarrassing because every time we try to hold hands or something, our one friend starts freaking out because she is very easily over-excited, (she doesn’t do it on purpose or to embarrass us, its just her personality.) I have told him that I don’t want to kiss because it will lose its meaning and that we are really young, and he completely respects that, but everyday we see other people kissing and he just looks at them and then looks at me and then back at them and then very lightly sighs. I do care about him but I don’t know how to show it. Thanks for reading.

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17 Answers

ucme's avatar

I have no idea what freshmen means in terms of age, sorry, English bloke over here :)
The age of the 2 of you would dictate my answer you see…

cookieman's avatar

Freshman are around 15.

lavaLava4lamp's avatar

Sorry about the typo, freshman, I’m fourteen and he’s fifteen.

ucme's avatar

Do you know what @lavaLava4lamp? You & your boyfriend sound lovely, a refreshingly, genuinely nice couple of kids, that shines out in your details here.
I was going to answer this with some childish jokey crap, but i’m not, you deserve better & in saying that i’d suggest something simple like tender rubbing on an arm or even playful slapping.

Darth_Algar's avatar

“My boyfriend and I are freshmen in high school…”

Welp, any answer I might have given just went out the window.

CWOTUS's avatar

I don’t think that I can improve on @ucme‘s response (and good luck to you on that one; nobody ever seems to get that kind of response from him). But I’d share a similar response: develop a code word or gesture that has meaning to the two of you, and only to you, and share that.

And I completely agree with you that it is too soon for overt manifestation of “the one and true love”, since you simply cannot know that at this point in your lives. (Unless you really are Juliet and he Romeo, and as you will see from your reading, it was too soon – and the wrong time, anyway – for them, too.)

So be cool and share your inside jokes, code words, winks and nudges to mean what you two want them to mean, and which have meaning only to you (so that excitable friends – or parents, or teachers, etc. – won’t become overly excited).

ucme's avatar

@CWOTUS Yeah, i’m growing soft I guess, but @lavaLava4lamp reminds me of my daughter, at least how she comes across in her details, that’s always going to gain my respect.

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

In addition to @ucme‘s great suggestions, you can just give him a smile. I’m pretty sure the way you look and smile at him will let him know how much you care. Our faces can subtly impart a great deal of info.

ibstubro's avatar

Sit facing each other, and intertwine your feet? Touch knees? Sit next to each other and intertwine one foot? “Hold feet” by gently putting your foot on top of his?

Cruiser's avatar

Take your time and don’t let pressure…peer or any other kind make you do anything you are not comfortable and ready to do. You can kiss your finger and then touch his cheek or his lips. Less is more. I remember as a guy getting all crazy over a girl I hung out with and took our time getting to the kissing stage. Holding hands, sitting real close are great substitutes for make out sessions at your age. You can even sit on the floor back to back and do homework together.

kritiper's avatar

Get within 2 feet. Smile and laugh at what he says. Flirt with your eyes. Touch him on the arm, hold his hand. Play with your hair.

MrGrimm888's avatar

@ucme . Jaw dropped in admiration….....

Well done sir…

Unofficial_Member's avatar

Sounds to me he’s being inconsistent with his ‘respect’ about not kissing. Yes, he did not break the rule but acting in a very direct manner as a silent way of disagreement/protest makes it sounds like he’s being forced to follow your request and he did so just in order to please you. You need to talk to him again about this. If he really feels pressured about this then don’t force him to do things he doesn’t want. If he really understand your situation and has agreed to act accordingly then it’s his responsibility to hold on to his promises. I don’t care about age but compromise in relationship is vital, you will eventually find that sacrificing your own happiness in order to please others will eventually torment yourself bit by bit in the long run, he needs to understand this. A good compromise is somewhere in the middle of the road where both parties feel the agreement is fair and mutual, perhaps ‘learning to kiss lesson’ every saturday in your own room and no more kissing for the rest of the week? Haha. That sounds like a good compromise to me.

ibstubro's avatar

Opening your eyes slightly wider could be a kiss. Wink, and that’s a hug.
Fun to practice! Staring into each other’s eyes.

As long as you’re on the same page, anything can be romantic. Are you on the same page? Try it and see.

Stinley's avatar

I’m with @ucme here too. You do sound like a lovely person. Don’t worry about the kissing. Get to know him better and then you will know if he is the kind of person you want to spend your time with. If he is then I’m sure when you are both ready, the physical stuff will happen.

Let us know how you get on.

lavaLava4lamp's avatar

So going off of what @Stinley said, the whole reason I asked this question was because my boyfriend said that he loved me but he would respect my wishes. I thought it was really sweet of him to say that but it was when he said that that I really started rethinking this whole thing. I have noticed that over the past eight weeks that we have been together that he has been trying to be more affectionate. He has been trying to put his arm around me more often when we walk or are sitting and kissed me on the cheek two weeks ago. (As I have already said, lunch is the only period we have together, but we also have three classes really close to each other, so we walk to those classes together during those three passing periods.) I do feel that it is unfair to him that he is giving me all of this affection but I don’t ever seem to give any back, a part of the problem is that I don’t know how, but all of your suggestions and advice have been very helpful. Thank you.

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