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jca's avatar

Guys: When your wife or SO had the baby, did you feel any jealousy toward the baby at all?

Asked by jca (36010points) May 18th, 2017

On another thread, there was a discussion about babies and I asked this question: “I’m curious when your wife or SO had the baby, did you feel any jealousy toward the baby? I have heard that when the woman’s attention goes from the man to so much attention to the baby, men sometimes feel a bit of resentment and put out.”

Another Jelly suggested I ask that as a separate question. I think it would go against Fluther rules for me to name him, but I thank him for the suggestion.

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9 Answers

stanleybmanly's avatar

There was neither time nor space for jealousy. The runup to the kid’s arrival was every bit as frantic as dealing with the baby himself. And my son was such a good and trouble free little boy that I couldn’t believe our luck. He fooled me completely as a lesson on the snares and pitfalls of parenthood. It required the arrival of his sister to validate my well deserved wary suspicions about the purported glories of parenthood.

zenvelo's avatar

Nope, none at all. I was so immediately bonded with my kids that there was no time or room for jealousy.

rojo's avatar

No, Not jealousy.

I was irritated that he was monopolizing her breasts for feeding purposes but that was my problem, not his.

flutherother's avatar

Not a bit. I was over the moon.

Coloma's avatar

My ex husband admitted to feeling jealous when our daughter was a baby, small child. He admitted it years later. The hallmark of immaturity. Many women end up with 2 babies to tend to and this is why it is not uncommon for immature men to have affairs during a pregnancy or the young years of their childs/childrens lives.

They feel more of a sibling rivalry thing, being pushed out from the #1 position, than a mature adult who understands that infants and small children require a lot of time and attention. This is not to say that the woman should neglect her marriage or partner but often she ends up with a new baby and a man-child to tend to as well.

SQUEEKY2's avatar

Maybe that is my problem ,I couldn’t stand to lose the number one spot with Mrs,Squeeky.^^
Hey just one more reason I am glad we chose not to go down the kid path.

Coloma's avatar

@SQUEEKY2 Nothing wrong with that.
I was an only child and have an only child, a daughter, and she is, most likely, opting out on having kids. She is almost 30 so, never say never, but both her and her partner of the last 4 years are leaning more towards no.
While I loved being a mom and loved my daughter dearly, i sure as hell wasn’t cut out to have a herd of kids. haha

Some of my friends had 3 and 4 kids and it was a zoo, constant fighting, crying, squabbling, drama. Man, one was more than enough for me. haha
I have several current friends ages 40 something to 60 something that never had kids and have no regrets. Much better to opt out than be pressured into something your not cut out for.

Every single day in the news you hear of yet another atrocity involving fucked up parents and the abuse, murders, neglect of their children. Makes my blood boil.

Coloma's avatar

Edit above: “you’re” not your. gah!

funkdaddy's avatar

I think this has a lot to do with how much the dad helps out with the child/children. Maybe more than maturity?

If he’s in there with the mom, doing the day and night work of raising kids, then there’s not much to feel jealous about. There’s just stuff to do, for both of you.

If he (or she) thinks childcare is her job primarily then there’s a better chance for conflict. Especially when he’s done with all “his work”, whatever it is. I’m not saying it can’t be balanced with one person taking the bulk of raising the kids, but it’s easier to fall into thinking you’re owed something after doing your part.

Most of (all?) the men I’ve known who have had relationship issues because of pregnancy or children just aren’t that involved with the kids. I don’t think it’s jealousy so much. They want to keep large parts of their lives the same as before kids and feel dragged along for the ride. It’s not their thing.

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