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MrGrimm888's avatar

What is the best way to kill someone with an ear of corn? (Details)

Asked by MrGrimm888 (16914points) July 30th, 2017

Doesn’t have to be subtle.

Death by corn….

Only like a whole corn, or pieces of corn, or lots of corn…

Butter, and humor welcome… Salt, pepper, paprika?

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34 Answers

snowberry's avatar

Tell them too many corny jokes in a row.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Children of the corn will take care of it.

ragingloli's avatar

Jam it down their throat to choke them to death.

elbanditoroso's avatar

I would call in a lieutenant-kernel and have him shoot the other guy.

Coloma's avatar

Yep, jam it down their throat to block their airway. Death my corn cob.

CWOTUS's avatar

Combine it with a half-million or so other ears of corn in a silo, as in the climactic scene in Witness.

zenvelo's avatar

Insert the whole ear of corn in the ear canal. Use a hammer to drive it in if necessary.

Dry pop a whole ear, then make victim eat with nothing to drink.

LuckyGuy's avatar

I’ve fired whole corn cobs out of a potato cannon. At 175 ft/sec they have the same energy as a 20 ga. shotgun.

MrGrimm888's avatar

^That was the same response to the cucumber. Still effective, of course.

LuckyGuy's avatar

It’s still true. I’ve also launched apples, potatoes, onions and packed snow. The end of the tube is tapered to a sharp edge so it cuts the veggies to the perfect size. It is a fearsome device.

snowberry's avatar

If all you want to do is maim them, not kill them, simply cut off their ears!

chyna's avatar

Sometimes, people on Fluther worry me.

kritiper's avatar

Expelled violently from a Parrot rifle into their gaping maw.

elbanditoroso's avatar

Defending yourself with corn is only permissible if you are being stalked.

Coloma's avatar

@chyna I think it’s hilarious, an exercise in imagination. haha

Coloma's avatar

Turn the corn into creamed corn, nastiest stuff in the world, would kill anybody foolish enough to eat it. I know I would choke to death in an instant. LOL

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

Give them extra butter and watch them have a heart attack.

Soubresaut's avatar

An ear of corn already comes with a shank, what more do you need?


elbanditoroso's avatar

@Soubresaut – you owe you our shanks for that comment

josie's avatar

Have victim stand on a vertical ear of corn. Put a noose around ther neck. Kick the corn.

Coloma's avatar

@josie LOL, would work if you were the size of a Hamster.

Soubresaut's avatar

@elbanditoroso— Lol ouch! You can keep them! No shanks! (:

flutherother's avatar

Place the ear of corn in the particle accelerator at CERN, wait until it has almost reached the speed of light then get them to put their head in the way.

Coloma's avatar

Wedge the ear of corn under the brake pedal of the intended victims car.

Coloma's avatar

Drop ear of corn int bottle with gasoline and make a Molocob cocktail. LOL

flutherother's avatar

Tie them to the floor and put the ear of corn on their chest. The next day put two ears of corn on their chest and double the number every day. They will be dead within six months.

CWOTUS's avatar

Within six months, @flutherother? You need to do the arithmetic on that again. They’ll be dead in less than a few weeks – from the weight of the corn – but more likely dead from dehydration within a week or so, anyway.

The weight of the corn would be crushing in under a month if we started with only a single kernel and then did that geometric progression.

flutherother's avatar

Excellent! I have the ear of corn now all I need is a victim mwuhahaha

Coloma's avatar

Mix intended victim with cornmeal and make cornbread. haha

Strauss's avatar

Roll the victim in egg batter and corn meal, then feep-fry in corn oil.

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