Social Question

Aster's avatar

Does this make me a loner or just lazy?

Asked by Aster (18860points) October 19th, 2017

So the doorbell rings and two well dressed ladies my age with the most white, perfect, expensive teeth were standing there and invited us to a “meet and great” party around the corner. I hadn’t even brushed my hair or put on makeup and I have a chipped front tooth. My husband can barely walk after his accidents.
Honestly, I’d rather sit at home and watch youtube videos than go. I know it’s a rotten attitude but I like to read so much, I like to learn things and small talk bores me to tears. Am I a loner? I feel a little guilty like I’m snubbing them=as if they care.

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18 Answers

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

You are an adult . Its your choice. Do what you want. You might be an introvert.

SQUEEKY2's avatar

If you’re not up to it, don’t go.

ragingloli's avatar

A bit of both, and a healthy distrust of humans. That is a good thing.

Soubresaut's avatar

If their appearances are part of why you’re hesitating, I would say go to the meet and greet. So they were well dressed and use bleaching products on their teeth—so what? Brush your hair, put on some makeup, and don’t worry about the chipped tooth.

I have a chipped front tooth, too—admittedly, it’s a small chip in the corner, but it’s there, from a time when I fell as a child. I also have a not-insubstantial scar on the side of my mouth, from another time when I fell as a child. I don’t like having either, but they have taught me that people pay way less attention to those kinds of things on others than I would have expected. Also, I’ve got two stories in my back pocket because of those falls.

You can prefer to read and spend alone time, but also sometimes want to do something a little different. You can feel like staying home today, but also find yourself curious about the meet and greet anyway, and either go or not go.

You also don’t have to commit to spending any length of time at the meet and greet. You can leave after 30 minutes. You can leave after 5 minutes. You can walk in, say “nope,” and walk out. It’s all up to you.

(But also don’t feel like you have to go simply because you were invited. Invitations aren’t obligations, they’re requests.)

flutherother's avatar

I wouldn’t be ashamed of your own God given natural set of teeth, but if you don’t want to go then don’t go but it could be interesting.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I don’t like those mindless functions either. And so what if you’re a loner? That isn’t a bad thing.

Zaku's avatar

You could just be not extroverted. Non-extroverts are plentiful but not as noticeable as extroverts, and we are the brunt of many negative cultural ideas especially in the USA. (For examples, both your ideas – “loner” or “just lazy” have negative connotations and assumptions that social activity is good and/or something you should do.

On the other hand, it might do to give it a try and have an agreement to leave if/when it’s not enjoyable.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Have an agreement to leave @Zaku? LOL. “OK, I’ll come but if I don’t have a good time I’m leaving, agreed?”
10 minutes into the function, “I’m leaving!”

stanleybmanly's avatar

You’re entitled to your own agenda.

LuckyGuy's avatar

Well? Did you go or pass? Is the party still going on? .

kritiper's avatar

You are neither a loner or lazy, just independent, wanting to be left to your own resources.

ucme's avatar

Anyone thinking of approaching our door without a prior appointment can expect us to release the hounds.

Zaku's avatar

@Dutchess_III Hehe! I meant an agreement with her partner, such as, “let’s go but say blancmange for ‘I want to go, but stay if you like’ or fizbin for ‘let’s both leave’”. I’d also expect an unspoken agreement from the host that you’re allowed to escape, and would think that would be the case for a neighborhood “meet & greet”.

Aster's avatar

@LuckyGuy. it isn’t for six days from now. I don’t wish to leave my husband home alone, it seems mean, but he’s in poor health and all kinds of bad things could happen. It’s a long list and I’m not getting into it .

NomoreY_A's avatar

Always do your own thing. If staying home watching YouTube vids is your thing, just do it. But try to bow out gracefully.

NomoreY_A's avatar

On edit: As my old pappy used to say, you can get more out of people with sugar, than you can with vinegar. Take the tack that they mean well, and let it go. No sense making enemies of folks, if there is no need for it. Five years from now, no one will know the difference.

Aster's avatar

Oh, I’d go if they asked me and it would be the three of us. But this is going to be outside and have a few dozen people . I wouldn’t be missed.
I just read the paper and it said we could bring alcohol. This sweetens the pot for me but , still, if my husband can’t walk on a yard without risking falling over I can’t go.

Inspired_2write's avatar

“It isn’t for six days from now. I don’t wish to leave my husband home alone, it seems mean, but he’s in poor health and all kinds of bad things could happen. It’s a long list and I’m not getting into it ”....
You are not a Loner or Lazy but in fact a Caregiver to someone in dire nee. But realize that being there 24 hrs a day is wearing and one needs to recharge their you need a break once in a while. Perhaps have your husband call you on the cellphone if needed urgently? Also get family or friends ( the ones that invited you to help..maybe a friend for your husband that they both could have common interests/stories to share.
Don’t set yourself up to be the “sole” person that he can talk too. Community Health may be able to assist you in that as well. Take care of yourself too as your husband counts on your being healthy enough to do so and that means mental health too.

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