What’s the best way to deal psychologically with the trauma from being strip searched?

Welcome to Fluther.

Righteous anger and outrage would be my go-to emotions in this case.

Welcome to a womans world. We get strip searched all our lives via routine yearly medical. exams.
You compartmentalize and do your best to forget it happened.

I would talk to a counselor and/or use meditation or other techniques I’ve learned to try to get a complete understanding and handle on the feelings coming up for me about it, because I know how unexamined feelings can build up and continue to cause upsets.

(Also I don’t know the circumstances, and don’t need you to share them, but I have a hard time getting to an understanding of why strip searches are actually necessary except for certain specific cases. I think it tends to be a power issue and that there are some very fundamental issues with the way police operate sometimes. It can certainly cause trauma that should get a lot of attention to fully recover from.)

Thanks for answering @Zaku and @KNOWITALL

They did have reasonable grounds to suspect I might have concealed something so I understand why it was necessary but I agreed to go in for questioning voluntarily. I didn’t resist at all and was never arrested or charged.

I’d never been in a police station before so I was already alarmed and it wasn’t helped by the way the custody officer told me I was to be searched. He paused and looked at me for a while after he said it as though I should be scared and he wanted to see my reaction. I don’t think I imagined that. Whether he meant it or not it did terrify me.

Two women took me through to a tiny dark room with barely enough space for the three of us to stand that smelled of faeces with blue roll paper still on the floor from the last couple of people. They didn’t explain what they were going to do, just pulled on the plastic gloves and got on with it. They were dispassionate and did or said nothing to make me feel safe, less afraid, or less vulnerable.

The way they ordered me to do things in a casual, detached manner rather than being at all sympathetic to the horror I was experiencing made me feel dehumanized and uncared for with a total loss of dignity.

They were just doing their job, I know that, but, @KNOWITALL, I’ve been given baths and had intimate procedures done by medical staff too. They’ve never made me feel like that.

@Zaku, I might think of counseling but the fact you’ve acknowledged that it can be traumatic has really helped me, thanks. Being able to tell others here has helped me get a handle on how I feel and why. I was too ashamed to say anything about being strip searched to my best friend. I did ask on Quora and got two replies. Yours is the most helpful.

Em

Sorry @CWOTUS
Thanks for your reply too, I’ll give those emotions a try.

GA @KNOWITALL. REALLY good answer. Yeah, it’s uncomfortable as hell so you just stare at the ceiling and think of kittens or something, while they stick fingers metal things in your vagina, and stick fingers up your butt. Just compartmentalize and forget it.

They deal with criminals @SeaOtter. Be glad it was women and be glad they were dispassionate. You can’t compare people who have to deal with criminals to people who are caretakers.

@Dutchess My husband has never had anything invasive, I’m just resentful. Arent they supposed to bend over and cough or something? Lol

@KNOWITALL I’m pretty sure they are supposed to have their anuses probed and their balls. I think having a gyno that you like and trust helps a lot with the examination. At least it does for me. Or find a woman gyno. I wouldn’t equate it with a strip search.

Thanks @Dutchess_III , I agree with what you’re saying. I know it was my fault and I deserved it. I don’t deal drugs but I have a history of smuggling chemicals so I’m not blaming the police. I still need to deal with the way it’s left me feeling though.

I was terrified and found it traumatic, that’s my fault. It was my first time, I was on my own, I had no lawyer, no idea what they would do next, whether I should struggle, what my rights were with regard to refusing it, what my dad would think, and other stuff, so all that was going on in my head while I tried to rationalize what was being done to me by people who knew exactly what the rules were when I didn’t and they didn’t seem keen to explain them.

Like I say, it’s my stupidity but I felt too ashamed to tell even my best friend what I caused the police to do to me so it’s all been going round in my head and giving me nightmares. I wouldn’t feel ashamed to tell my best friend about a smear test. It felt totally different and a lot more defiling. I can’t explain why except for my confusion, terror, and total lack of choice or knowledge of how or what things would be done to me.

Compartmentalize and forget. I’ll google compartmentalize then give it a try. Many thanks!

(Sorry this is so long a reply. I didn’t mean it to be.)

Em

@SeaOtter I wouldn’t compartmentalize and forget or it will come back to bite you at some other point. I would start by telling your best friend. Part of what you’re probably feeling is shame and telling a caring person will help bring it into the light. As well as doing that, or if you can’t, a few sessions with a counselor would probably be very beneficial. You need to resolve this traumatic experience before you can put it away.

Get a grip and go on with your life.

@SeaOtter I think your most recent post illustrates very well that actually police should be held to a very high level of responsibility to behave well in these situations, to train the officers involved very well, and to communicate effectively to you what your full rights are in the situation. I think it sounds very much like they failed to do what they should have. Even having “smuggled chemicals” before, you should have a right to understand what all of your options are as a person under suspicion. As someone innocent of the current charge and not under arrest, you should have the option to refuse to be strip searched, and to be treated well if you agree to a search. It doesn’t sound to me like any of those things were handled appropriately.

I imagine it would help you too to find a lawyer you like who will explain to you your rights and options in detail in such circumstances.

@janbb Maybe you have something to compare it with, I do not.

When orifices are all probed once a year, among other things, it seems comparable to me lol

I guess this time no doesn’t mean no. I would sue them. I’ve never had a strip search.

Going to a gynecologist appointment is way different than being strip searched in my opinion. The strip search was totally unexpected and no one has any idea of how far the security is allowed to go in their search. Also, apparently they don’t have to tell you anything about what they are doing. In a gynecologist visit, I know what to expect and when because it is scheduled. I’m always told each step of the way what is going on. “This will feel cold, you will feel pressure, you will feel a pinch…”etc.

So you aren’t left feeling uncomfortable and violated to some degree after a well-women check @chyna? I always am, especially when I was younger. I think it IS a valid comparison. They were dispassionate, just like the doctor is dispassionate when sticking a finger up your ass. It’s still a violation, albeit a necessary one.

No because I’m prepared for it. I must have had really good doctors all my life because I never felt violated.

I’m sorry guys, but I have to agree with @chyna. It’s not even remotely violating if done with professionalism. But then, I’ve been through infertility treatments and had a gynecological cancer. Even then I never felt violated or disrespected. Not all my doctors were women.

@SeaOtter, really, I think time may be your best cure. It sounds like your greatest shame here (that you feel about this) has more to do with why this happened than that it happened. It sounds from your description like they were doing their job to the best of their abilities, making you feel safe or cared for probably wasn’t how they had been trained.

I am sorry you had to go through this, but as you keep taking responsibility for the reason, maybe try to think of it as a very unpleasant event. If they did not actually harm you, this was probably the best you could expect.

It was to me. It made me so uncomfortable. I guess it depends on the person. All my doctors were “dispassionate,” and I knew they were just doing their job, but I still hated it.

I’ve had GYNs who were insensitive and I searched until I found one who I was more comfortable with. However, we’ve strayed a long way away from @SeaOtter and her issue even though this is in Social. Whatever our experience with that, I think we might all agree that being strip searched is a big trauma and hope she can get help dealing with it.

It really would be. I guess I thought it was a guy.

A very interesting question, I’ve never even thought about this type of thing before. I’d probably have a nice hot bath with essential oils, a cleansing of sorts, but not before I’ve ‘talked it out’. You can choose a best friend, a religious counselor, breathing space, Samaritans, family member, or anyone that you feel safe enough to talk to. Being in a police station under suspicion for doing something is an all over dirty feeling I am sure?
At that moment you might feel like you have no control over your body. In a gynie exam one still feels as though they have control since normally they have made the appointment. This is different and is a violation of sorts.
I don’t commit crimes nor get involved in shady deals etc. because frankly, I am terrified of the police and all that comes with being on the wrong side of the law. It’s a learning experience.

Thanks @janbb I’ve sent the link of this thread to my best friend’s email. I don’t think I’ll go to a counselor because @MollyMcGuire is right. Most women in prison in Ireland will be nice enough people, but they get treated like this all the time. I’d understand if they called me a wimp. I’d say, “I’m sorry, it’s my first time and it’s given me a shock.”

Thanks @RedDeerGuy1 This time, I guess not. I hope you go your whole life without one.

Thanks @Zaku I see now there’s a difference between medical staff and police.

Medical staff are trained to work hard building a reputation, stay in their rooms, invite you to join them, and try to make you relaxed and comfortable so you’ll find the experience therapeutic, recommend it to your friends, and hopefully want to come back. If you get to the dentists door and it’s too scary you can just keep walking.

The police are trained to come out and get you, then force you into their place, then force you to stay, and if you’re a bit scared it’s easier to control you so they act in an intimidating way. if it’s too much, there’s no option of just walking away. When they’re done with you they certainly don’t want you to feel like coming back.

Thanks @KNOWITALL and @Dutchess_III I’m sorry but your doctor’s need to be struck off. They should be compassionate and caring with a deep sense of vocation, not dispassionate and “just doing their job.” Where do you live? Stalingrad in the nineteen sixties? Anyway, no matter how bad they are, I hope you’ll find that if any procedure gets too much, you can ask them to stop and maybe come back tomorrow or at least ask if you can take a time out for a cup of coffee and a biscuit. If you refuse the police, they bring in more police to restrain you and carry on regardless. You can see the difference. I agreed initially but when they came with a form to sign my consent I’d had time to think and said, “Sorry, but I don’t know my rights, can I ask what happens if I refuse? They got the custody officer and he told them to leave us alone. In the end he said, “You will be searched, you’ve been alright up to now, don’t make us your enemy.” so I signed but if I hadn’t they’d have got a warrant and done it anyway. If I hadn’t agreed to go with them to the police station I’d have been arrested and taken there anyway. Four male uniformed police put me in the police car and one sat either side of me on the back seat there was never an option of just waking away.

Thanks @chyna Jessie looks lovely and I’ve heard that song on your profile. I totally agree with everything you say. Despite things sometimes getting uncomfortable at the doctor or dentist my experience has always been that they take the upmost care to minimize anxiety, pain, and stress. They must be taught what to say because they all say the same things, “You might just feel a little scratch.” is one when they’re taking bloods.

Thanks @canidmajor What I wrote to @Zaku was inspired by you saying that’s not how they were trained. Of course they weren’t. I understand that now. I’ve not had anything to do with the police before. I smuggled three 10g bags of powder into a mental health unit and, though it was lethal, it wasn’t illegal to possess so the police weren’t involved. When the MHU heard I’d been detained in Ireland they faxed the police and told them not to put me in a cell unsupervised because I’d had time to buy more bags, which I hadn’t, and I didn’t want to anyway.

Thanks @LornaLove I totally agree with you. I’ve not been in trouble before. They searched me so they could safely leave me in a cell on my own but in the end they decided to let me go without charge and that never happened. I know it wasn’t their intention, but I’ve been struggling with the notion they picked me up, scared me as much as possible, did that to me, then dumped me back on the street, all for nothing.

Thanks everyone for your kind support. I can’t keep replying to you all like this it’s taking too long. If anything else crops up I’ll read it but I think I’ve said everything I need to and probably won’t write any more. Thanks for letting me vent my feelings. It really has helped to chat with such lovely people.

Sending you love and light,
Em

@SeaOtter. Thanks for coming back and giving us more information and replying to us. It is very much appreciated. I hope you stick around Fluther and answer questions you find interesting. I think you will have insights that some of us won’t have. It’s always nice to have new people join us.

I heartily second @chyna‘s sentiments, please stick around, @SeaOtter!

@chyna Sorry this is a bit random. I was in town and this guy just sang your song. Probably a coincidence but sometimes I wonder if everything’s connected. When I was cutting and pasting your handle I noticed Daniel. I think he’d have liked Tralee. Lots of cool guys like him here! I’m pasting a youtube link below. Don’t know if it’ll work.

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLUxC2vd6-BxZHMpRxiMqK8W4d3cjJZ-9Y

@SeaOtter Just another vote for hoping you stay!

Me too!