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Dutchess_lll's avatar

Do you, or did you, treat your children differently in public than you did when you were home alone with them?

Asked by Dutchess_lll (8748points) March 22nd, 2018

Also, when you’re in public can you tell when people aren’t treating their kids like they normally do?

My answers are No, I was just as mean to them in public as I was at home, LOL!

And Yes I can tell when someone is treating their kids in public differently than they normally do. It’s a huge red flag to me.

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21 Answers

Dutchess_III's avatar

Regarding people treating their kids in public differently; I can tell because the kids are invariably brats and the parents know they can’t slap or punch or yank whatever they normally do (which is why the kids are brats in the first place,) and they’re at a loss of what to do and they do nothing beyond a timid, “No Joey. Don’t do that.” and Joey does that anyway.

janbb's avatar

I think I was more worried about their behavior in public so I was tenser and more impatient but they weren’t brats and I didn’t whack them.

Dutchess_III's avatar

My kids were good too but if discipline was required, discipline is what they got, just like at home.
When my grandson was about 3 we had gone to the grocery store. Somehow we ended up in the video section. Don’t know who because I didn’t have the money to rent a video. He spied a Barney video and wanted it SO BAD, and started wailing and crying a would not be consoled. So we went outside and sat on a bench out there, for some time out, and I just waited for him. He’d beseechingly how out his hands to complete strangers going “Barney! Barney!” and tears running down his face. They all looked at me strangely, though. Don’t know why. I wasn’t crying “Johhny Depp! Johnny Depp!” with tears running down my face. I was just sitting there.

seawulf575's avatar

I probably treated them differently in public. I expected them to be respectful of those around them. At home, that might be just me and them and we had established what was acceptable. In public I taught them to behave so as not to annoy others or get themselves into trouble.

Dutchess_III's avatar

My son was holding doors open for people starting when he 2 was 6. I also taught him to give up his seat, if necessary. The girls too.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Don’t forget the second half. Can you tell if someone is treating their children differently than they do at home?

janbb's avatar

I generally am not looking to judge other parents when I am out. I know how hard it can be for all of us at times.

Dutchess_III's avatar

One time I was sitting at this SRS office. Lots of people there, mostly women with children. This one lady had a daughter who was completely out of control,climbing under people’s chairs, actually hitting people,including me, for no reason. All Mom kept saying is “Mary, that is not appropriate behavior.” She never actually did anything about it.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I also notice when people deal with their children well and compliment them. We were at the doctor’s office the other day. There were two kids in the waiting room, about 7 and 8, maybe, and they played so quietly for so long with the toys the clinic provided. When Mom came to collect them I told her how good they were and congratulated her.

johnpowell's avatar

All Mom kept saying is “Mary, that is not appropriate behavior.” She never actually did anything about it.

How would you have dealt with it if your kid?

seawulf575's avatar

Hard to tell about the second part…being able to tell if someone is treating their children differently than they do at home. Most times you get a snapshot of someone with children in a restaurant or in a store and have no idea how they treat their children at home. I do wonder sometimes how the parents handle it if the children act at home the way they do in public!

canidmajor's avatar

This is a tricky question, every family is different. A child that behaves very well in public may be doing so for fear of reprisals at home. Conversely, a child may behave very well in public because they are happy and confident and enjoying the outing, and are treated very well at home.
How the parent treats the child when they are in public can also be totally misleading. Any
adult can be pushed to what others would think was inappropriate behavior by so many factors; fatigue, illness, the three year old suddenly deciding that today is the day for sudden defiance and boundary testing.

I treated everybody as I felt their behavior warranted. Sometimes it was different than at home, sometimes the same. My standards for behavior tended to be consistent, the circumstances rarely were. I was at times both criticized and praised for how I handled my offspring in public.

janbb's avatar

I can remember a time going into a pub in England at Sunday lunchtime when my kids were about three and five. Children were barely tolerated in most pubs during those years. All heads swiveled to watch us as we entered as if it were a Western saloon. As we left, a number of people told us how well behaved our children had been. Whew!

Dutchess_III's avatar

@johnpowell Brought her up on my lap and if she started yelling we would have left the room and gone somewhere where it wouldn’t bother other people until she got over it (See example of my grandson throwing a fit over a Barney video.) I would have explained to the SRS clerck that I might be late when they called my number, and hoped she wouldn’t make me start at the back of the line when we got back.
However, at that age my kids wouldn’t have done it. I don’t think it would have even occurred to them. If it had all I had to do is tell my kids, “Stop,” and they stopped.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@canidmajor I don’t know if you can, but when a child is misbehaving I can tell when the adults are handling it calmly and well. Then you have others who slap and scream. That’s far more annoying than the child throwing a fit.

I took a 2.5 hour plane ride with my 2 daughters when they were 7 and 12 months. I was scared shitless. The 12 month old screamed when she was in her car seat for more than 15 minutes. We couldn’t go to restaurants because she’d scream if she couldn’t get out of her high chair after she was done eating. When she was old enough to talk, and I asked, she plaintively said, “Haume.” She just wanted to be home.
So an airplane ride? OMG!! I was so worried! I worked my butt off during those 2.5 hours and she didn’t have one single melt down. Headed that way a couple of times, but I headed her off at the pass. We walked up and down the plane isle several times.
As we disembarked the lady behind me told me I’d done an amazing job, and her husband nodded his head. The knew what I was going through. It felt good.

canidmajor's avatar

Ah, there’s the difference. “Handling it calmly and well” or not isn’t the same as treating them differently or the same as at home.
Kudos to you for being able to tell the difference between a good parent who is maybe tired and sick having their buttons pushed by a cranky, clever three year old and a bad parent behaving well in public.
I can’t tell the difference by looking at them once.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I handled stuff calmly, for the most part at home. So my behavior in public was no different than my behavior at home.

canidmajor's avatar

Better than me! If I was tired or feeling crappy and the buttons were suddenly pushed, I would yell. It was startling to everybody.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I kept my buttons hidden for so long I don’t even remember where I hid them! It was my studies in education, and my experience teaching in some awful classrooms that made me a much better, much more thoughtful mother.

YARNLADY's avatar

My first child was so well behaved, I never had to worry about. The second one only responded to being removed from the scene, so a I had to either take him outside, or return home. I never paid attention to hoe other people were.

There was one incident with my three older grandsons when they were 8, 11, & 12. At a motel pool, another told his kids to get out several times and threatened to come o
in after them. I gave my three a five minute notice and they came right out. I thanked and said they were rewarded with ice cream.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I always give my kids a 5 minute warning so they could start preparing mentally for the disappointment of leaving whatever. I didn’t have much problem with that.

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