General Question

squirbel's avatar

How bad is it if I lie about my age to someone when I first meet them?

Asked by squirbel (4277points) August 19th, 2008

I’m a 27 year old female, but I look really young and can get away with saying I’m 22. I just met a guy and by reflex I said I was 22. He’s 23, but I think I really like him. Maybe. My thing is…. I don’t like the idea of leading him to think I’m younger than I really am; on the other hand I’m really sensitive about my age.

What might his reaction be when he finds out? [The preferred way for him to find out would be me confessing.]

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36 Answers

DrasticDreamer's avatar

That’s pretty bad, actually. Say you do really like him and you start talking more and more. When he finds out your real age, the first thing he’s going to think of is that you were a dishonest person right off the bat.

If you want this to go any farther, I suggest correcting the problem right away.

Judi's avatar

It’s better than being 15 and telling him you’re 19 and getting him on Megan’s list!

trudacia's avatar

I wouldn’t have lied. It’s only a 4 year difference.

Anyway, it’s not young guys that care about age, it’s the old ones. They can’t deal with getting older so they need to hook up with the young chickies…

Unfortunately, you’ve already lied to this guy. Tell him the truth and deal w/the consequences.

Judi's avatar

He would probably be flattered that an older woman found him interesting, unless you waited until it got serious to confess.

Lightlyseared's avatar

Well you could have a birthday every month for the rest of the year. That way you’d be back on track by Christmas at the latest.

flameboi's avatar

He’ll be fine, trust me, we love older women :) been there, done that :)
I remember dating a wonderful independent crazy thirtysomething lady, one of the best experiences I’ve ever had

bodyhead's avatar

I would stop hanging out with you if I found out that you were lying about stuff that doesn’t even matter. What else are you lying about? Maybe nothing but I would always be questioning your motives.

My suggestion is to stop lying about your age because no one cares how old you are. If they do care, screw them. You didn’t need them anyway. It’s better to be honest and upfront when trying to start a relationship.

jlm11f's avatar

Lying was a bad idea, but what’s done is done. The important thing is to fix this before it gets any worse.

say something like…“about my age, when you asked, i just reflexively said that i was 22 because that’s what others always think about me. i am sorry about that. i should have corrected myself right after i realized what i said, but i decided to go with the flow. but now that we are talking and i like you, i don’t want such a silly, insignificant thing to be a lie. so i am 27, think you can handle the extra 5 years of hotness? ;)”

flameboi's avatar

@PnL
I love your answers!

augustlan's avatar

Never, ever do it again…first impressions last forever!

jlm11f's avatar

@flameboi – thanks :)

robmandu's avatar

Not even gonna mention the awesome number years of hotness I got going on here.

wildflower's avatar

I usually just say I’m 21. I may appear younger than I am, but not that young, so they know it’s a fib!
Obviously, if someone genuinely wants/needs to know, I’ll give them the real answer.

I can’t see myself lying about my age in a way that people would believe. It’d be too difficult too keep up or explain later.

cwilbur's avatar

It’s pretty bad. Not because it’s horrible to be 27, but because once you’ve been caught in one lie, it takes a long time to rebuild trust. Your best bet is to come clean to him, and be prepared for it to be the end of the relationship.

Judi's avatar

When you get to be MY age, it’s great when I admit that I’m 48 and have 3 1/2 grandkids and people say, “No Way! You don’t look old enough to be a grandmother!” I have earned every color coated gray hair I’ve got!

trumi's avatar

I love that – 1/2 of a grandkid :D

trumi's avatar

I would tell him your real age and act like its not a big deal, that you were just fucking with him. Then, tell him you’re interested. He’ll forget about it pretty quickly.

And at 27 you have no reason to lie about your age. Just be confident with who you are!

La_chica_gomela's avatar

From someone who’s been on the opposite side of this (my boyfriend, timothykinney, is a bit older than I am) I would much much much rather know up-front. The sooner you tell him the better!

In fact, when I first asked him how old he was, he said, “how important is honesty in this relationship?” and i said, “very” because i knew i was seriously interested in him.

he’s the same way as you—could easily pass for at least 5 years younger than he is, so i wouldn’t have known the difference, until i saw his driver’s license or something.

since you said you think you really like him, you should tell him as soon as possible, and i really like pnl’s suggestion, try to play it off like it’s not a big deal.

wrestlemaniac's avatar

that is a bad thing, it can probably get you arrested. i’d advise you not to do it, so do “They”

andrew's avatar

@squirbel: So, you “reflexively” changed your age? Can you explain, specifically, how that happened? I confess, sometimes I get confused about my age and it takes me a little bit, but how did that go?

Judi's avatar

I forget sometimes because my husband is 10 1/2 years older than me. Sometimes he’s 10 years older and sometimes he’s 11 years older. I think I lied earlier and I’m only 47. Sorry guys. Please forgive!!! Yikes, what a question to get it wrong on!

syz's avatar

Why would you reflexively lie about your age?!? No, really, I find that amazing! How bizarre. And disquieting.

If you’re uncomfortable with someone knowing your age, then just tell them that it’s none of their business.

stratman37's avatar

Now THERE’S a great way to begin a relationship!

Poser's avatar

If I were 23, and a 27 year old woman lied about her age because she was interested in me, I’d be flattered. I wouldn’t be angry that she lied to me if she came clean fairly quickly.

Don’t let too much time pass before you ‘fess up.

breedmitch's avatar

Don’t let it go too long. My friend Dawn dated a woman who lied about her age (she made herself three years older) and when she found out (five years later) the relationship was over. They celebrated her 30th birthday and it was all a lie!

squirbel's avatar

Heh, about the “reflexive” answer…

I stopped celebrating my birthdays at 19. I felt like I was over the hill… And as a result, none of my friends know exactly how old I am. It is an art… A deception I’ve built up for a long time. At any rate – my age is my only vice – the only thing I’m dishonest about. I’ve never been comfortable with getting older; that’s my own demon I have to fight.

Thanks for the input guys, I’m going to set it straight this weekend.

La_chica_gomela's avatar

you didn’t care when you turned 21, squirbel? where i’m from 21 is the biggest birthday of all. i know 19 year olds who feel like losers because they’re “babies”.

wrestlemaniac's avatar

hey!! (kidding)

andrew's avatar

@squirbel Just wait until you get into your late twenties. You just feel older and older. Especially when you watch the Olympics.

/hides from older members of fluther

wrestlemaniac's avatar

hahahahahahah. good one.

wildflower's avatar

The biggest panic-attack will hit you at 29 – when you’re facing the big 3-oh!….....after that it won’t matter and you’ll learn to accept that you’re only as old as (the guy/girl) you feel!

scamp's avatar

Heh! You young whippersnappers feel old?? I just about fell out of my rocker laughing at this thread, hee hee!!

@squirbel, I’m glad you are setting it straight with him now. Next time someone asks your age, ask them why they want to know. When they answer, simply say Oh, but don’t tell them. That way you don’t have to lie.

squirbel's avatar

@scamp- I am a pro at dodging the age question; it was just this time that I felt compelled to say something (he has this alpha-male aura, I couldn’t be coy if I had wanted to…).

@lachica- 21 meant nothing to me because I never drink.

scamp's avatar

Ah, sounds like you’re really interested in him. Good luck!

mee_ouch's avatar

I’ve never been intimidated by age. It’s not worth hiding, denying or degrading yourself over. As one of three girls (one older and one younger sister), I’m the only one who didn’t dissolved into a blubbering mess when I turned 40. I can even recall my mother’s less than thankful “thanks alot” to those of us that planned and executed what turned out to be a rather miserable 40th birthday celebration…..at her behest, might I add!

All that aside, I’ve lived a very fruitful, albeit, interesting life thus far. I’ve earned every line, every ‘discoloration’.....O.K…I do have some ‘age’ peeves…“liver spots” being #1!
Regardless, I stopped colouring my hair three years ago…..The grays mesh nicely with the blonde…or what my dad affectionately (or not) refers to as “shit-brindle”! My fair skin and wise decision to avoid the sun have been to my advantage, eventhough I only started adhering to this principle several years ago.

I dress my own way….and, although I could probably get away with it, I wouldn’t be caught dead in a midriff-bearing shirt, mini-skirt (without some funky tights and boots) or spandex…...
I’m 45 yrs. old and (believe it or not), was recently asked for I.D.! No joke! ....Although, I certainly thought it was. I like living my age. It’s not everybody’s 45, but then again, when one doesn’t fret over what is inevitable in life, it allows you to shine….And everyone notices. *Especially, the bitchy sisters…lol

You’re 27. Be the 27 year old that you should be. Not the 27 yr. old you think you should be, or that which others think you should be. Be you. You’ll only age yourself that much sooner when you try not to.

Adagio's avatar

Turning 18 was very significant for me, turning 21, not at all. Turning 30 was really exciting, and 40, but the idea of turning 50 next year, well that takes some getting my head around.

I know it’s all down to perception but 27? Sounds incredibly young to me….

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