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RedDeerGuy1's avatar

Can you list some good and/or funny sayings?

Asked by RedDeerGuy1 (16778points) May 4th, 2019

I’ll start with my favourites:

The brain and the heart are discussing who is in charge. The brain said that If he goes then the body dies. The heart said the same. Then the rectum said that he has all the power. The brain and the heart laughed at him and said you can’t kill the body. The rectum said no but If I close myself then the body will get full of shit and I can keep it up until you both surrender to me. Moral of the story is that the asshole has the greatest power in an organization.

“To Computer: Is there a God?” joke
Scientists were preparing an experiment to ask the ultimate question.
They had worked for months gathering one each of every computer that was built. Finally the big day was at hand. All the computers were linked together. They asked the question, “IS THERE A GOD?”
Suddenly there was a loud crash, and in a brilliant explosion of silicon and plastic the computers fused into what appeared to the scientists to be one large computer in place of the many smaller ones.
One of the scientists raced to the printer as it finally output its answer. “There is now”, read the printout.

In politics stupidity is not a handicap. Napoleon Bonaparte

“You are not lost if you don’t care where you are going” – Unknown

Everyone is a genius
But if you judge a fish on it’s ability to climb a tree
It will live it’s whole life believing its stupid

The beatings will continue until morale improves.- unknown

If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail

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20 Answers

Tropical_Willie's avatar

Does your chewing gum lose its flavor on the bed post overnight???

flutherother's avatar

“After I die, wherever my spirit goes, I’m going to try to get back and visit my skeleton at least once a year, because, “Hey, old buddy, how’s it going?””
—Jack Handey

LostInParadise's avatar

An atheist disbelieves in only one more religion than a theist.

LadyMarissa's avatar

Be who you are and say what you feel because those that matter…don’t mind… and those that mind…don’t matter!!!

josie's avatar

It is difficult to get a man to understand something, when his salary depends upon his not understanding it-Upton Sinclair

Darth_Algar's avatar

“There is surely nothing other than the single purpose of the moment. A man’s whole life is a succession of moment after moment. If one fully understands the present moment, there will be nothing else to do, and nothing else to pursue”

kritiper's avatar

“Is a frog’s ass watertight?”

Inspired_2write's avatar

141. It is what’s inside that matters – the fridge is a perfect example.
Link to 231 funny sayings, hilarious!

2davidc8's avatar

“Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.”
I don’t know who said this, but I find it quite true.

Dutchess_III's avatar

“If at first you don’t succeed…keep on a suckin’ till you DO suck a seed!” ~ My gramma.

KNOWITALL's avatar

Give a man a fish and he eats for one day.
Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.

ragingloli's avatar

Feed a man a fish, and you feed him for a day.
Teach a man to fish, and you lose a steady customer.

Darth_Algar's avatar

“Build a man a fire and he stays warm for a night. Set a man on fire and he stays warm for the rest of his life.”

Dutchess_III's avatar

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day.
Teach a man to fish and then you gotta buy rods and reels and bait and a boat and a truck and a trailer…...

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

@Dutchess_III Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will fish the fish to extinction.

josie's avatar

A steer can try…

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

An university president was discussing the budget with the dean. He said that the mathematics department is really cheap to run. All they need is pens, paper and trash cans.
The president then said the philosophy department is even cheaper. All they need is pens and paper. Seing they never throw out any thing.

LostInParadise's avatar

Nothing gets thrown out in mathematics either. Euclidean geometry is live and well.

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