General Question

kaylakena's avatar

Me and my bf talked about marriage and i want to but how do i kno hes the one?

Asked by kaylakena (12points) September 8th, 2008

Im 17 and me and my bf have been dating for about 2 years,but we have been best friends since 4th grade.. I kno everything about him and he knows pretty much knows everything about me. So we just started getting serious last month as in (sex) and nothhing has change but i ask him if he would want to ever marry me just jokin around and he said yes.. Ever since then he told me that he would want to spend the rest of his life with me and that he really wants to get married when we can which is next yr.. But we love each other and hes always there when i need him i can talk to him about anything he makes me happy. He calls me all time and tells me that he loves me , always telling me that im beautiful and loves watching me sleep cause im amazing, I have never felt this way before there are things i cant explain cuz i dont know what words to say. But the thing is he has never been in a serious relationship before and i have but the thing is dont think he knows what hes talkin about cuz for one like i said he has never been in a serious relationship and maybe he thinks im the one cuz he hasnt dated in a while. I think hes the one for me cuz my ex i always wanted to be around and i couldnt be myself at all but with him i dont have to see him all the time for me to kno he misses me because he calls to let me kno or stops by.. We have been through almost anything its like we have been married but we cant stay mad each other for more than an hr we just cant we love being around each other we always have a great time and we are always laughing.. But he dont have a job and sometimes acts immature like getting kicked out of wal-mart when we go. It bugs me but i have talked to him about it… So what i really need help with is that i love this guy and would anything for him but i want to know that he would do the same for me…!! We talked about a baby but want to wait till we get out of high school and start a life then a baby but please help…. thank you

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

22 Answers

damien's avatar

If he uses paragraphs and punctuation, he’s the one.

poofandmook's avatar

If you have to ask the question, you’re not ready for marriage. And you certainly are not ready for a baby. He may end up being the one and that’s great, but if you have to ask, he’s not the one yet.

SuperMouse's avatar

IMHO you are way too young to even consider marriage.

wundayatta's avatar

I wouldn’t get married until I finished my education. (Is community college or college in the picture?). I certainly wouldn’t have a baby until I’d finished my education and had a job that could enable me to support a family.

bodyhead's avatar

If you’re unsure that he’s the one, offer him a red pill or a blue pill.

marissa's avatar

I don’t want to seem like I’m talking ‘down’ to you, but you are young. That doesn’t make your feelings any less real, but it does mean that you haven’t had as many experiences as you will by the time you’re 27, instead of 17. As cliche as it sounds, poofandmook is right about “If you have to ask the question, you’re not ready for marriage”. Contrary to popular opinion, love is not enough to make a marriage work. It is a good place to start, but ultimately it takes more. One thing that it takes is maturity and even if you are a very mature 17 year old, just think how much more mature and better prepared you will be at 22 or 27. I don’t know what your current family life is like, but good or bad, creating a ‘new’ family is not a good idea until you are older. Yes, perhaps you have known others who have married young and/or had children young and it worked for them, but those situations are rare and I’m sure if you talk to them, you will find that it was not an easy path. If you two are serious about each other, then prove it to yourself and each other by working towards a realistic and productive future that may or may not include you two being married one day. Make sure you are prepared by taking care of the practicle needs and not just the romantic needs.

How will you financial support yourself? Do you plan to go to college or technical school, so that you will have qualifications in the job market? Money isn’t everything, but financial stress is very bad on even the best relationship.

What would you like to do? Are there things you’d like to try? Places you’d like to go? Do these things before having a child. Yes it is not imposssible to do things after you have a child, but it is much more difficult and it is much better if you can focus on yourself and the things you want before you have children, because it is harder to find a balance after you have children.

If when you read these questions, you are thinking, “I don’t know, but we’ll figure it out as we go.” You are setting yourself up for a very difficult road ahead.

syz's avatar

Why the hell would you even consider tying yourself down with a husband and a baby at your age?!? Are you crazy? Good grief, get an education, get a life, see the world, travel, have some fun, grow up. All of the other stuff can wait til later.

JackAdams's avatar

I second the above answer, but not with exactly those words.

You need to get a first-class education, and maybe date other guys a little bit.

If he really is the one, he will wait for you.

girlofscience's avatar

Starting in 2009, it will be illegal to marry before the age of 30, so you may miss the deadline.

If he’s The One, though, you’ll still be together in 13 years, and you can get married then! In the meantime, enjoy the experiences in your 20s, and please, get an education.

Sloane2024's avatar

@girlofscience How do you know it’s going to be illegal to get married before you’re 30 as of 2009??

bodyhead's avatar

Sloane2024, Thank you for making my day.

flameboi's avatar

Yes, please, enjoy your life (you can do it together, but is not that you have to get married now to do that), go to college, explore the posibility of getting married in a few years maybe, but not now, be patient and wait, for your own good….

Seesul's avatar

I think one of the most valuable things that I have been able to give my child was the fact that I have an education. I wanted him to be more educated than I was, so he would be able to handle the world in a successful manner. I would have felt powerless with his struggles if I had not been able to do that and a failure as a mother. There is nothing more frustrating and heartbreaking than to not know what to do or how to help someone that you have given birth to, as a part of your heart goes with them.

The world is a hard enough place to deal with. Don’t make it more difficult on yourself or a child.

flameboi's avatar

it should be ilegal at all ages! no, just kidding, but late 20’s or early 30’s is the appropiate age, from my point of view

simone54's avatar

Hahahahaha There is one of these ever week.

susanc's avatar

Darling girl, you can go right on loving each other without having a baby. You have lots of time to enjoy imagining that baby and getting ready for it. That’ll be fun. I love! the idea of
the two of you having found each other so luckily when you were kids. One way to protect your love is to keep it safe from too much pressure for a few years. Take care of that love. Take care of the baby that comes from the love when you’re older and have more resources. Congratulations.

cwilbur's avatar

Nobody is holding you down and forcing you to get married immediately. Take your time and consider, because divorce is expensive and emotionally harrowing.

Marriages don’t work if you’re not both responsible adults, complete in yourselves, who are committed to the success of the partnership. It’s not just about True Love; it’s also about sharing a life and sharing living expenses, and all the practical things like who’s going to make sure the rent gets paid.

Can you support yourself financially? Can he? If the answer to either of those is “no,” you aren’t ready to get married. Love may find a way, but hard work is the only way to get there.

So I think the answer is, he might be the one—only you can determine that—but it doesn’t sound like either of you is ready.

sahummell06's avatar

The answer to how you know if he is “the one”, is that you will never ask if he is “the one”. You will know. I met mine 8 years ago now, got married after 5 years, and now have a baby. We are both in our late 20’s/early 30’s, and having a baby is the most emotionally and financially taxing thing I have ever done, and we both have careers and have lived a bit. Your love may be the real deal, but if it is, there is no reason to rush into anything that huge at 17 or 18. He will be there. The baby will come. Don’t rush it. Take the time to get to know who you will be at 20, 22, 25. She may be very different then who you are now. Good luck.

Sloane2024's avatar

It’s not that I don’t agree with the law, but I was just wondering if she had any visual or legitimate sources to validate her information. I wanted to see.

bodyhead's avatar

Of course she doesn’t. It’s obviously a joke.

8lightminutesaway's avatar

a wise friend once told me you cant have a successful relationship unless you can be successful, independent, and happy without a relationship. you shouldnt completely depend on your SO, especially in the first few years of dating. anyway, thats been my formula for healthy relationships, and its worked pretty :)

but i agree with just everything else said here. tell me, why do you want to get married? you don’t marry someone just because you love them. what about a marriage will make you happier? you said you were happy now… why chance it with all the possible stress that comes with marriage. besides, neither are completely grown up yet, both psychologically, and physically. I stupidly sortof got engaged when I was 17. Less than a year later i realized that i had made a huge mistake and it was very very difficult to reverse. As far as having a baby… please don’t. Babies wait until you are both financially secure and emotionally secure. you want to give the baby a good life dont you? reduce the risk of anything bad happening as much as possible in the babies life (divorce/breakup, no money, etc) and wait

Sloane2024's avatar

Oh! I’m sorry!! I just read it wrong. lol

Answer this question




to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther