What makes a mother a good mother?

I thought I knew and tried to embody it – not always successfully. But one of my children has cut me off completely as an adult so I don’t know any more.

My wife and my Mother both have unconditional love for their offspring.
What more is there?

Happy Mother’s Day to all you Mothers!

I always tell people there are no perfect parents, just like there are no perfect children and no perfect jobs and no perfect employees and no perfect bosses.

I think a good mother will listen without giving lectures in response, will be somewhat flexible with rules and discipline, and won’t yell and scream all the time. When I say that, I’m thinking of one of my daughter’s friend’s mothers, who is always screaming and threatening that the kids are going to go home for their behavior and stuff like that (and these are teens so it’s embarrassing for them and for others who are in their presence).

Other than those qualities, I am not sure. I know what I liked about my mom and what I didn’t like about her. Two things I didn’t like were, as a teen, when she met my stepfather, I felt she should have intervened more or stood up for me more when he was not too nice to me. Another thing she did which was a constant annoyance was, when I was an adult, she would often tell me what I “should” do, for example, if I said I was struggling to pay my bills, she’d say “well, you should budget your money.”

What I did like about her was she was low key, and I try to be low key with my daughter, as well. I try to let my daughter know what’s on the agenda, what our plans are for the day or other weekends, or trips, so she’s not surprised with stuff. I think I could be and should probably be more strict about her studying and grades.

I think all, or most parents do the best with the resources they have (emotional resources, financial resources, etc.). Nobody’s perfect, and there’s no play book. There are a lot of books about parenting and child rearing, but there are so many different personality types for kids and for parents, and so many different circumstances, it’s impossible to cover all the bases with a book.

Someone said to me a few weeks ago, “you do your best, but then it’s out of your hands.” I’ve had friends that were so doting and seemingly wonderful, whose kids ended up fucked up, and I’ve known people who came from totally fucked up, terrible parents and the offspring were the most resilient and wonderful adults. You just never know.

I couldn’t think of a more vague question.

Too many answers available, so I looked it up.

5 Things a Loving Mother (Parent) Never Says/Does:

1. Using words as weapons of shame or blame.
2. Beginning a reprimand with the phrase, “You always…”
3. Dismissing a child’s feelings by saying he or she’s too “sensitive.”
4. Comparing one child to another.
5. Ignoring a child’s personal space or boundaries.

From: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/201601/5-things-loving-parent-never-says

And for those interested:
Daughters (and sons) of Unloving Mothers: Mourning the Mom You Deserved

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/201703/daughters-unloving-mothers-mourning-the-mom-you-deserved

@smudges Thank you for that second article.

I don’t know. My mother didn’t love me and actively disapproved of my sexuality and voiced it.

A whole lotta love and understanding. (And a little bit of discipline across the back side once in a while when required doesn’t hurt! Provided it isn’t too much, that is.)

No hitting ‘required’. It’s teaching them that it’s ok to hit people/children/animals, and it’s not. Ever. Period.

Mothers are not BORN into motherhood, but rather learn through childhood experiences how best to be a better mother.

Some mothers themselves had bad mothering examples from there own mothers, some

however do the opposite in order to weed out the bad behaviours and thus learn as we age

emphahy,understanding, supportive,compassionate feelings that later hoefully emulate in their offspring.

Better Mothering is learned througout our lifetimes as times change and practices change in every generation.
One can learn from mistakes that our parents did or not.