General Question

Oxymoron's avatar

What would you do in this situation?

Asked by Oxymoron (1239points) February 9th, 2010

My mom and I have been having a rough relationship for some time. My move out of the home to live with my long term boyfriend has not made things any better. She resents him, in a way, because he took me away. I’m just wondering if there’s any way that you can come up with to improve my relationship with my Mom? Just to smooth things over and have a new start?

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9 Answers

filmfann's avatar

Come home and visit often. Have her over for dinner. Make sure she remains a part of your life, even though you aren’t home anymore.

Your_Majesty's avatar

You can try to consider her advice first. If her effort is meant to lead you in the right way why can’t you accept it?(provided she’s not an over-controlling mom). Try to apologize and always try explain all your condition when you’re far away from her.

Cruiser's avatar

Not sure about that one….not enough info…but as a parent myself that day my kids move out could be a blessing and a heart break. I have many years to look towards that day my babies leave the nest. On one side I will be heart broken over their leaving me…on the other hand I will know my job is done…either way it will not be easy. Try and give your mom some comfort and understanding over your leaving…she simply may hurting over your leaving and I could be way off base.

Oxymoron's avatar

@Doctor_D – She is over controlling. Ha ha. I should have mentioned that.

ETpro's avatar

Do your best to see things from her point of view too. If she is a control freak and is often overbearing, is some of that because she fears for you and wants to protect you from all the hurtful things that can happen in life? Even if it’s because that’s just who she is and can’t help it, understanding that can go a long way towards healing a strained relationship.

Ask her what the two of you can do to rebuild your relationship. Do your best to just listen, not argue. Take it in then tell her you need some time to think about what she has said. See if there is some common ground where you can learn to accept her with all her failings. After all, just as you are, she is just human.

lilikoi's avatar

I think she probably just needs to get used to the fact that you’re an adult.

My mother was ultra controlling. It drove me insane. I moved out. She got used to it.

Make time for her when you can, but let her clearly know that your life is your own.

lfino's avatar

@Cruiser, your job as a parent won’t be done when they decide to move out. You willl have just moved to different level of that same job. At least that’s what I’m telling myself as my youngest is leaving tomorrow. Been through it with two already, but this is my baby.

Cruiser's avatar

@lfino Wow! An empty nest! That is still 7 years away for me and I have thought about that day…it will be hard for sure but I know not having a drum set in the basement will be a nice change! ;)

lfino's avatar

@Cruiser, She’s doing an internship at Disney, and she will actually be back home in another four months so I really don’t have a lot to complain about. But once you’re away from home, I know it’s hard to go back to living with parents again. She actually likes doing stuff with me though, so even if she really never comes back ‘home’ again, I’m sure we’ll pick back up where we left off. There will be pros and cons with having her gone. Two pros being not having the dryer left with a full load of wrinkled clothes, and no more half full glasses of warm diet Coke sitting on the table in the living room.

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