Social Question

somechick4321's avatar

What should I do to get my friend to act normal again?

Asked by somechick4321 (74points) 2 months ago

I was friends with someone let’s just call her Kate. Well I knew Kate for a long time. We knew each other since our college days. I don’t know for sure if this is the reason that there was a sudden shift in her attitude but I don’t think that the timing is a coincidence. Well usually she would be the one to do better than me. In college she always got higher grades than me. After college she always had jobs with higher salaries than me. Well I got a new job and for the first time I got a job with a salary that is higher than hers. She asked me about the salary of my new job and I told her. After that she’d often say mean and nasty remarks. Sometimes she’d say condescending remarks. For some reason she’ll try to persuade me to quit my job. She’ll say that my job seems too stressful and my boss seems bad. She never tried to persuade me to quit my previous jobs even if I didn’t like them. I just want my friend back. How can I get Kate to be normal again?

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11 Answers

janbb's avatar

You should know the answer to this already. You have to talk to her about your feelings and ask what is behind her behavior. Tell her how it hurts you. After a good honest talk, the rest is up to her. If she doesn’t want to change, you can’t make her. All you can do at that point is decide what you want to do with your part of the friendship.

Jeruba's avatar

Dear Abby couldn’t have said it better. GA, @janbb.

smudges's avatar

In case you haven’t recognized it already, ‘Kate’ is extremely insecure. It’s likely that in her mind, probably without being aware of it, her only value comes from thinking she’s better than other people.

kritiper's avatar

Shoot her in the foot. If she doesn’t jump around, you’ll never set her straight.

Cupcake's avatar

It sounds like Kate thinks she’s better than you. Are you sure she’s a good friend?

flutherother's avatar

All you can do is to be honest with Kate about your new job and the rest is up to her. Her attitude is what can be described as “sour grapes”.

seawulf575's avatar

I’m with @smudges on this one. Kate is insecure. That is what drives her to always do good. She isn’t sure she is good. Success is a yardstick for her. You suddenly got a better job and it pricks her insecurities all over again.

A GOOD friend should be happy for your successes. Trying to get you to quit your job may not be that. As @janbb said, talk to her. If she is, indeed, a good friend then communication is important. If talking to her sets her off or makes her worse towards you, then she isn’t a good friend.

HOWEVER: we are only seeing one side of this story. You mentioned that she said your new job seemed stressful and your boss is bad. How would she know that? Does she work at the same place? Or have you said things that would make her give such an opinion? Have YOU changed since getting this job? Again, we are only seeing one side of this and only you can make this determination. You might want to do a little soul searching before laying all of this on her.

gondwanalon's avatar

Good question. I think that you are finding out how your friend really thinks about you. She thinks she’s superior to you. Forget about her. Find friends who actually act like friends and wish the very best for you.

Similar situation happened to me in the US Army. For many years I was lower or equal rank with my Army buddies. Then I got promoted above them and I became in charge. The dynamics suddenly changed. They had a hard time accepting my promotion. Then when I got out of the Army and got a high level position in a civilian hospital lab (earning high salary) none of those “Army buddies” would have anything to do with me. That told me a lot about them and how they really thought about me.

Good health to you. Stay strong.

Forever_Free's avatar

These are not the signs of a good supportive friend on her part.
There isn’t much YOU can do about this. Kate is Kate.
All you can do is decide if you can accept this kind of feedback or behavior.

chyna's avatar

Honestly, I think once the sadness of losing this friendship is gone, you will feel much freer without her. You will be amazed at how much you kept back from saying or talking about just to keep Kate happy and on good terms. That’s not really a good friendship.

SnipSnip's avatar

Normal friends are a bore. Your normal and mine would not be the same thing.

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